Topic: A person should never make a decision alone. Do you agree or disagree?


   My parents always told me " once you come across a problem, you had better ask for help from your friends, they would give you good advice. " I love my parents and I do what they toldme. But I find that the words above were always proved to be wrong. It leadedto success, when I make a decision after asking help from others, It leaded tofail, when I make a decision after asking for help from my friends.
   One of famous ancient Chinese philosopherssaid " One important decision in your childhood have the affection duringyour whole life" It means that we should think twice when we make animportant decision. When I was undergraduate, I was searching for a good job.Professor Wang, one of my admire teacher, offered me a good chance to work inan institute, which was well considered in my country. I was full of happiness for the chance was an unbelievable thing. But I thought I should calm down andasked for some suggestion from my friends. They did not think that it's a good decision to accept it for Professor Wang did everything only for himself. Intheir opinion, I was fooled. Finally I refused the chance from Professor Wang.But the chance was indirectly proved to be the best recently when I failed these years.
   So I think that one should make a decision independent.

小弟第一篇托福作文，跪求板砖与鞭子


[ 本帖最后由 zengsc1984 于 2007-12-4 14:03 编辑 ]

第一句引号里，最后一个分句前应该加个and或者since
It leadedto success, when I make a decision after asking help from others, It leaded tofail, when I make a decision after asking for help from my friends. 应该变成两句，或者用；。而且如果前面是过去时，从句里也应该是made

我感觉举的例子不太好，结构不太清晰。
你觉得呢？

平时应注意例子的收集，应该有更好的例子

[ 本帖最后由 willrock 于 2007-12-20 21:16 编辑 ]

文章的整体逻辑上再下点 功夫吧，开始的一段和第二段时间感觉连接的不太好

My parents always told me " once you come across a problem, you had better ask for help from your friends, they would give you good advice. " I love my parents and I do what they told me. But I find that the words above were always proved to be wrong. It leaded to success, when I make a decision after asking help from others, It leaded to fail, when I make a decision after asking for help from my friends. （what are you want to express?  hou about this "It leaded to success with my own decision. However, with the help of others, I just always went to failure."）
   One of famous ancient Chinese philosophers said " One important decision in your childhood have the affection during your whole life" It means that we should think twice when we make an important decision. When I was undergraduate, I was searching for a good job.Professor Wang, one of my admire teacher(I admired most), offered me a good chance to work in an institute, which was well considered(famous) in my country. I was full of happiness for the chance was an unbelievable thing(which was really unbelievable to me  ). But I thought I should calm down and asked for some suggestion from my friends. They did not think that it's a good decision to accept it for Professor Wang did everything only for himself. In their opinion, I was fooled. Finally I refused the chance from Professor Wang.But the chance was indirectly proved to be the best recently when I failed these years. (after I underwent so many years' failure)
   So I think that one should make a decision independent(ly).



字数不够？   将句子具体化——找名词，在名词前加修饰，很管用！
e.g.One of famous ancient Chinese philosophers said " One important decision in your childhood have the affection during your whole life"==>confucius, one of the greatest and most influential philosopher and educator of ancient china, was quoted in the Analects as saying," One important decision in your childhood have the affection during your whole life"

大家练习的时候要多长时间啊，我老是不够，40分钟左右，怎么办？

改过之后效果好多了!
加油加油
The more, the better这句用在写作上,我想是行的通的!

感谢大家的板砖，感谢大家的关心
并特别感谢mh007的细心批改
日后我一定努力收集实例，努力使逻辑清晰，多多研究好作品

我觉得不错的了，应该是good吧~~(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……

我没把Ｔ的作文课听完整，但是我觉得这种以举例子来代替论述的写作方法似乎不太好吧
就像写中文作文中的议论问，我们不仅要讲理由，也要举例子，要用多种方法论证．不知大家和楼主的意见呢？