查看完整版本: 07年12月9日真题练习，能改的改能批的批，谢谢大家

07年12月9日真题练习，能改的改能批的批，谢谢大家

Agree or disagree?
Our present lives easier and more comfortable than those our grandparents.

Upon the issue concerning the life quality of ours and grandparents’, people have own ideas that which much easier and more comfortable is? Most of people assert that our lives ,with the exponential leaps of society and economy, is more enjoyable than life of our grandparent’s that had been came cross with various of adversities. I opposed this view, however, that our life was not superior to grandparents’, although the period provide us with more comfortable living-environment and education quality, as well as medical care.

It appears that modern lives are likely to enable people to “happiness” than before. However, people in a increasing number have been giving up some traditional habits what something we proud of. In the past, people knew that how to educate their offspring in appropriate ways at the cost of sacrificing their owned enjoyment of life. On contrary, a few people ignored their children or disparage their responsibility of rising. I have to say sorry that it is a tragedy of our society.

In addition, young people who live in colorful materials have no idea that how to strive against the hard life. The truth tells us a person who was endowed with tremendous materials such as fortune and status is not equal to acquire real happiness and comfortable life. It is desirable that a person is able to earn his/her life by himself/herself. Only in this way can they obtain the real comfortable lives.

Last but the most important is that people living in this world are lack of spiritual supplement. Our material life has become much better day by day, while spiritual life , compared with our grandparents’, has been sharp dropping for a long time. All too often we observe certain of people suffering from indifference, jealousy and so on. What is the most important is that we must place emphasis on effects of spirit, which are of great help in development of living-quality.

All in all, there are two sides of every coin, and flip of my preference reflect that our present life is not the same as people’s general views. However, in light of all the above factors, the cons of this issue ,rather than the pros, are in the dominant place, thus boosting my confidence to reach this conclusion against the title “Our present lives are easier and more comfortable than those our grandparents”. People should spare no effort to get the problem solved to make our present life equal to real happiness and ease.

Upon the issue concerning the life quality of ours and grandparents’, Upon the issue concerning the life quality of ours and grandparents’, people have own ideas [color=red]that which[/color] much easier and more comfortable is? Most of people assert that our lives ,with the exponential leaps of society and economy, is more enjoyable than life of our [color=red]grandparent’s [/color]that had been came cross with various of adversities. I opposed this view, however, that our life was not superior to grandparents’, although the period provide us with more comfortable living-environment and education quality, as well as medical care.

The sec sentense should be corrected like this:
...people have their own ideas about which....

parent's .应改为..parents'

Para2：
their owned enjoyment of life  应改为 their own enjoyment of life

谢谢您的指点!:)

In my opinion, the para 1 is a bit much longer . however the point 1 and point 2 lack strong support , without examples or argue.