查看完整版本: 写这篇作文弄的我苦不堪言 愁肠百结 痛不欲生 心如枯槁 不过仍希望大家狠拍吧

写这篇作文弄的我苦不堪言 愁肠百结 痛不欲生 心如枯槁 不过仍希望大家狠拍吧

嘻嘻 狠拍狠拍 虽然写的比较痛苦 但死去后 才能活过来 所以大家救救我吧！！！！
我这个星期考  就只好再麻烦大家一次了  鞠躬鞠躬！~！~！！~！！~！~！


Some people believe that students should be given one long vacation each year. Others believe that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Students who downed in the strenuous study always go into raptures at the mere mention of the vocation. Before to starting with the vocation, we might have been made a schedule earlier for our vocation. However, due to the difference in policy of school, students have to accept different policy that one long vacation each year or several short vacation throughout the year as a result. Thus, [color=Magenta]from my personal angle alone[/color], I will choose the former point.

First of all, have you ever had an experience that we listed a long plan about what is going to do in the vacation, such as, slimming weight, a long way journey, or a practicing chance, but these I just listed never came true, and the reason merely is that instead of a long vacation each year, we sometimes have been given several short vacation throughout the year. Consequently, I consider we should be given a long vacation and we can concentration primary energy and time on one thing which we want to come true in this vacation. Imagine as this vacation draw to a close, student will focus on their study deeply.

Moreover, we often [color=Magenta]live[/color]under the illusion that the time of one long vacation is more than the time of several short vacation. This is because a short vacation is not makes us to get real relax. So, in my eyes, function of the vacation is relaxing. Obviously, the fact is coincide with I just said that, the vacation is not too much mean.

Finally, when a vacation is close to us, most of us can not concentrate all energy on study. So this is disadvantage of our job. Like me, I often imagine recently which shopping mall I decide to go or which party I will be invited or which pencil eye is fit with me, when a vacation is closing to me. As a result, I often make many mistakes in the study at the time.

So, because these reason which is just listed by me, I think one long vacation is better than the several short vacation. But no matter which one you choose, we may think back a memorable moment, when the vacation comes to an end.[color=Magenta][/color]

[[i] 本帖最后由 natalie 于 2008-3-10 20:50 编辑 [/i]]

we often under the illusion
语法有问题啊，没谓语？

嘻嘻  
忘纠正语法了  :L
应该是we often live under the illusion:loveliness:

小小建议

"have you ever had an experience that ..."这种问法似乎有点生硬,我看"挑战托福满分作文"那里提过,不要直接对作者提问,这样文体不正式.当然,我本人的水平很有限, 并无冒犯之心.

嘻嘻
米有米有
建议非常好！~！~！~！
鞠躬鞠躬！~！~！~！:loveliness: :loveliness: :loveliness:

throughout the year 出现了两次哦,可以换种说法?
but these I just listed never came true改成让步从句怎么样呀?我记得老师说米国人是比较喜欢让步句子的
So, because these reason which is just listed by me..            so和because不可以同时出现吧

1 we can concentration primary energy and time on one thing ，小错，拼写concentrate
2 This is because a short vacation[color=red] is[/color] not makes us to get real [color=darkorange]relax[/color]，还是拼写吧，does和relaxation
3 Obviously, the fact is coincide with I just said that, the vacation is not too much mean.
我想这句是不是改成Obciously, the fact coincides with what I just said that the short vacation does not have too much meaning.
继续看ing

[[i] 本帖最后由 Shawn0311 于 2008-3-12 23:42 编辑 [/i]]

个人愚见：
1.student will focus on their study deeply.  (change student into students)
2.So, in my eyes, function of the vacation is relaxing.(So,in my views,the function of vacation is for relaxation.)

六楼：
“So, because these reason which is just listed by me..            so和because不可以同时出现吧”
你的水平比楼主更糟糕，建议你不要发言。你的说法只成立于两个词均被用作引导分句的场合。

七楼：
“1 we can concentration primary energy and time on one thing ，小错，拼写concentrate”
何止于此！这句话最大的问题是楼主在母语干扰下误用了concentrate，非要在后边加点什么，恰是画蛇添足！

楼主：
“This is because ...”
“这是因为...”
倒是一字不差。回家重学吧。

谢谢了
我全都接受

讨论的好激烈啊 很好鼓励大家大家多拍多发言 讨论出真知 写作最忌讳闭门造车
楼主犯了很多语法错误 such as 楼上们的点评 但是楼主可知ETS考官并not only focus on your grammar mistake   ,but also how you write an essay characterized by good organization, how you develop your idea and support your idea. and the second one is more important. 一些不太严重的语法单词错误并不会影响你拿高分, 关键是看你怎么论述 论述是否完整,是得高分得前提,看看OG p267 楼主可以先从写出优秀得 topic sentence 招手 楼主body部分的开头中心句交代的并不明显 ETS喜欢一针见血印象深刻的主题句 这也符合academic 类文章的规范 如何写出优秀的academic文章 可以借鉴TOEFL 的阅读部分
topic sentence 是essay 的重要部分,你必须明确的提出你的idea 才能develop and support your idea

回复 9# 的帖子

1,谁说so和because不能同时出现？
I don't think so because ....这个句型大家应该经常用吧？

2. concentrate...on...  表示把...集中在...上， 在后面加点什么又怎么不对了。。

3. this is because 哪点不对了？翻译过来就是“这是因为”的意思，请找出依据。。

说话不要那么伤人好不好。。

猛拍吧，有问题，有意见尽管提出来，这样才会有百花齐放的效果~:handshake

回复 12# 的帖子

从基础语法来讲 this is because 没错但是作文里很少使用this
it is because 好些 (求证老师的结果)

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