查看完整版本: 拜托各位高人指点一下，给小弟的T作文拍砖！

拜托各位高人指点一下，给小弟的T作文拍砖！

[size=4]题目：the best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide[/size]
[size=4]习作[/size]
[font=Times New Roman][size=5]According to a survey provided by the Internet, people in increasing number hold the belief that the best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. Some people, who are opposite to the belief, argue that it isn't the best way, considering the negative points it brings along. However, each coin has two sides. Contrary to the people mentioned above, others, advocates of the belief, claim that the weaknesses of this way sound ridiculous when the positive respect of it is taken into consideration. As I view the controversy, I agree with the latter. Because it will be securer to travel with a tour guide and we won't miss any wonderful interests.[/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=5]
[/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=5]In the first place, no one will deny the self-evident opinion that tour guides will make our trip safer than we travel ourselves, since they are familiar with the trip line. Only when we travel with an experienced tour guide, can we avoid any dangerous accidents in the vocation. For example, my friend Joe, who used to travel alone, often lost in her way back and had to call for security official's help. Due to the advice of her classmates, now she often travel in groups which are led by an humorous guide and never lose in her trip. Besides the familiar example of my friend, numerous evidence points the idea mentioned above. All available cases lend support to the view that we should travel with tour guides, which will make sure we will be safe in the trip.[/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=5][/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=5]
[/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=5]In addition, obviously reasonable though the idea claiming that it will save money if we travel with a guide is, it should not be ignored. The effect of tour guides is heightened by the particular advantage that trips with guides enjoy. Conducted by scientists recently, one nationwide investigation demonstrates that, by comparison with 1990, the amount of money which is spent by travelers on travel has nearly halved, while in the same period increases the number of travel group led by tour guides. The significant change, occurring in the past few years, results from the fact that tour guides can easily order hotels and restaurants cheaper than we book them just by ourselves. Thus, when people doubt whether we should travel with tour guides, isn't it necessary that they give more consideration to the huge number of money that it saves?[/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=5]
[/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=5]Numerous though the benefits that trips with tour guides cause are, people should not neglect the drawbacks that it brings about. First of all, it does take a lot of time to travel with tour guides. Additionally, though it can save a lot of money, who is going to deny that almost every traveler is forced to go shopping during the trip by tour guides? Furthermore, tour guide can make us safe, but under this circumstance we will miss many fantastic interests which will be a little risky.[/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=5]
[/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=5]To sum up, due to the aforementioned reasons, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive than any single of them, we may safely arrive the conclusion that travel in a group with tout guides is better than any other way of travel. In order to make our trip more colorful, we must take measures to enhance tour guides' skill and strictly govern tour agencies.[/size][/font]
[size=3]希望大家拍啊，快考试了心里急呢，谢谢大家！！[/size]

[url]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/thread-3521-1-1.html[/url]

明白了老板，我是不常来，好吧好吧，看看别人的先

vocation是职业的意思
应该是vacation

谢谢楼上的兄弟啊，还是想请大家给看看，时间不多了

[url]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/thread-9930-2-1.html[/url]
[url]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/thread-9901-1-1.html[/url]
改了两篇别人的，一看就是没有模板自己写的，真是牛，希望大家给我看看吧，斑竹看看我的模板味是不是太重了？

版主，总得给我看看吧，我改过别人的了

楼主写的很好,条例清晰, 精彩的句子也很多, 尤其是很多高级词汇的使用,感觉到楼主的单词量相当了得, 有很多平时批的同学几乎不敢用的词汇. 望其它小马们学习,楼主对待作文的态度,以及对他人负责,帮他人批改的精神都是大家应该学习的地方.
一点建议, 我感觉第4段,加入的有点突然,既然是中力的观点,在文章的第一段就应该暗示出来比如说it is not completely true to say that travel ....... is the best choice 或者 generally speaking  I agree with the latter. Because it will be securer to travel with a tour guide and we won't miss any wonderful interests. 为下文提出反面sub points 作铺垫 这样就第四段就不会太突然, 就连贯很多了, 也更有逻辑性,
一点小问题, 楼主的文章还是很成功的, 建议楼主再发几篇优秀的,给其他人的写作a perfet example   我签名里的有篇李笑来的文章, 写的也是中立观点, 建议楼主看一下, 会有启发!

lz 的模板用相当完备，建议第一段精简。
此题属于观点支持反对类，所以第一段出现on the contrary,。。可以放在main body 中develop.

谢谢各位大虾，下周考试，努力练习中！