查看完整版本: 2.16考试..作文没把握...大家帮忙看看 谢谢谢谢!!!!!!!!!!!

2.16考试..作文没把握...大家帮忙看看 谢谢谢谢!!!!!!!!!!!

题目是: pets should be treated as family members. do you agree or diagree?
Now adays more and more families started to have pets. Some families really do treat their pets as their babies, and thats what happens to most of the families. I definitely agree with this.
I have seen some old people having pets, and they are mostly that type of people like a said above : treating their pets as babies. That is because they feel lonely. The world is more crowded every day, so compatition between people are more severe. As the people gets older, their children are just the most busy period in their lives, and that is the reason why they don't have that much time to visit their parents. So these old people put all their emotions into their pets. Pets are just like their children! Their children would grow up and leave them eventually, but their pets never will.
In addition, I would like to say pets are also a living thing. They have their feelings too. Like my cat, my kitty "milk" loves sunshine and milk! She would meow when she is hungry or if she needs something. I took her home when she was only 1month old. My Mom told me I was just like her when I was 1 month old, I would cry out loud when I'm hungry or if I need a toy. So I guess animals are just like human beings, even if they can't talk or can't do as much things as we can. But still we should treat them more equaly.
For one last thing I would like to say was my friend Emily. She just loves animals! Maybe I was influenced by her. She treats her dog so nicely that her dog's food are the same as hers every single day. Her dog did love her back. There was once she was walking her dog at night, but she met a person who wanted to rob her on a quiet street. Her dog saved her by going up to that person barking and trying to bite.
So what I want to conclude know is if you really treat your pet as a family member, your pet would definitly treat you back. And not just pets, I insist to treat everthing as much as you could ever do. You will get pay back for what you have done.

有啥毛病尽量挑啊~~别客气``

For one last thing I would like to say was my friend Emily. She just loves animals! Maybe I was influenced by her. She treats her dog so nicely =》nice

我用词和句式是不是太简单了??

以下是我个人的观点
我觉得整篇文章的结构不够清晰，段与段之间是需要过渡句的
第1段：表明了你的观点——agree.  但是下面这句话前半句和后半句，有些重复Some families really do treat their pets as their babies, and thats what happens to most of the families.
另外：第1句的nowadays 写错了，started=>start
第2段：是老人们养宠物的原因。下面这句话又有些重复了
and they are mostly that type of people like a said above : treating their pets as babies
第3段：举出朋友的例子——但是要说明的问题呢，貌似不太清楚
第4段：呼吁人们对待动物像对自己一样。表达比较清楚
整篇文章还有一些语法问题就不一一挑出了

快要考试，提个小小的建议，其他的LZ就不要太在意了，调整好心情，好好考试:loveliness:
1、文章一定要有清晰的脉络，每一段要说明哪些观点，一定要摆出
2、段与段之间一定要有合理的衔接
3、在关键的地方——每段的首末句一定要保证不犯恶心的错误
4、写能确定的话，不要因为追求太优美的表达而冒险
希望你能取得好成绩

这个...我中文的作文老师就说我没有过渡....思维具有跳跃性..............
可是我真的不会过渡啊...........
能不能帮我举点例子呢???
重复的意思是不是说我有点啰嗦..而应该用一些别的词汇和句式呢???

万分感谢..!!!

又写了一篇文章..嘿嘿嘿...
题目是 Do you agree or disagree? Businesses should do anything they can to make a profit.

When I read this topic, the first thing came into my mind is that what is the specific meaning for “anything”? Does “anything” mean things even criminal? But from my point, if the “things” mentioned above are things that would harm others, I wouldn’t agree with the statement.
To begin with, in the past, I have seen a lot of movies about businesses. In those movies, most of them actually did everything they could to make a profit. But as a matter of fact, these things are usually illicit, or through ways that could hurt damage others’ profit. I remember once seeing a teleplay, in that story, the businesses started as a kind person, but as he became richer, he totally turned up side down. He would do “anything” to make a profit, he didn’t care what that would do to other people, even once he killed 7 people to get what he wants! I wouldn’t take that idea of “building my happiness upon other’s sadness”.
What’s more to me is that I do not agree with the idea of the more money, the better life will be. I wouldn’t do things to make profit for me that would hurt others. Businesses end up doing things to make a profit all because they want more money! That is mostly because the more money they seen, the more money they want! But what happens when they get older? They would put rest their life in guilty, in that case, their life is not that enviable at all. That is another reason why I disagree with the statement, because if the ways of making profit can not make your life more fabulous, then what is the point of making that muck profit?
Lastly, some people might disagree with what I said above, they might say “if you don’t make the profit, the others will do it anyways, so why don’t you get the profit your self?” That is because I don’t compare myself to others all the time, I only do what I think is right, especially if others do things that I wouldn’t do and end up better than me.
So now my conclusion is I disagree with the statement because I would only make profits through proper ways, instead of doing “anything” I could to make profits.

大家打击我吧..没事 我心脏很强的...

关于过渡

比如说你第一段先写了一种现象
可以写这样一个过渡句：There are so many reasons for such a phenomenon. 接下来一条一条摆理由。
再比如however，这一是一种过渡
建议你在看例文的同时也可以总结

同意LS观点。
觉得为了使整片文章更连贯，结构更清晰，可以在每段第一句吧整段要论证的观点列出来，然后再举例子进行论证。
我也是2月16号考试的。一起加油吧！:handshake

When I read this topic, the first thing came into my mind is that what is the specific meaning for “anything”? Does “anything” mean things even criminal

感觉不要放这里好。。。老外没那思维。。。

谢咯~~~

第一篇 cry out loud    应该 cry out loudly  ....这个还是不能错地~

我也是明天考哦~~加油啦！！！
:) :lol 你在哪个考场啊？？