查看完整版本: Mr. shiyu, help me to mark this one~~~~in a hurry!!!

Mr. shiyu, help me to mark this one~~~~in a hurry!!!

Now a heat topic has reasonably loomed as noteworthy whether to build a university near my community. Though the topic is not as brutal as "to be or not to be", as Shakespeare put Hamlet’s alternative, it is still a question lying in front. When it comes to me, I will undoubtedly choose to construct one.

Definitely I am "not the only one" according to John Lennon--In fact, the Department of Education in China has recently released a report, showing that residents who welcome to build an institution that providing high-level education make up three quarters of the population, largely increased by 18 percent in comparison with the statistics conducted five years ago. This valid economics offers valuable science materials to us, indicating that it is widely believed the participation of a university in a community will benefit the local area a lot.

Many examples existing around can bear out our suggestion. My friend Jack is a lucky guy: he lately had a new university built near his home. From then on his life was lighted up. With heavy workload stressing him out, he could refer to piles of information in the university library as well as squeeze time for a movie in the theater added as a accessory part of the university. Yesterday we hanged out for coffee together and my envy arose as he proudly made his daily life a mixture of refreshing and progressing.

However, after my talk with Jack over the Cupccino, I take a deeper look at the issue. As an old saying goes, every coin has two side. The instruction of a university will, which cannot be denied, takes toll on the community. The demand of economic necessaries from students attracted by the new education institute will, to be frank, occupy the local facilities available to the residents only, negatively impacting their social life. In retrospect, I am sure it can be seen from the analyse that the advantages of construction outweight the disadvantages to a large scale, as the consumption of the newcomers can also contribute a large number of taxes to local government, indirectly speeding up the local economy.

In conclusion, I am quite in favor of building a university in my community. What is more, marvelous news comes that the newly elected leader of the community has successfully got this program. All peoples here are cheering up and looking forward to the day when the university is completed.

para2.
showing that residents who welcome to build an institution that providing high-level education make up ....定语从句注意主谓一致,应该为:
showing that residents who welcome to build an institution that provides.....

Frankly speaking, your essay has depended on model too much. It seems not natural.
eg, As an old saying goes, every coin has two side.
it can be brieved like this: every coin has two sides.

but  I assume that the essay should be like this~~~examples are more than logical narrative prose.

calling teacher~~~~

回复 1# 的帖子

Now a heat topic has reasonably loomed as noteworthy whether to build a university near my community. Though the topic is not as brutal as "to be or not to be", as Shakespeare put Hamlet’s alternative, it is still a question lying in front. When it comes to me, I will undoubtedly choose to construct one.
不能这样写。模板质量太差。

回复 5# 的帖子

对，这句扯上莎士比亚有点~~~~能跟我说说这个模版怎么改进吗？我用的是开头套句型，两个正面例子一个是数字，一个是实例，还有一个反面例子，但是反驳一下。

模版的句型太简单？

万分感谢！！！！（我真的是快考了，还写出这种水平的文章~~~~自己都没信心了）

I have reviewed essay 1 and 2~~~~

不是SHIYU，没法给出权威的答案，SHIYU老师应该很忙，所以我多句嘴，这种文章真的不太好改，你想模版既然是能用于你的每篇文章那就说是与文章主题无关的废话，所以建议lz尝试少用模版，用少量模版。而且此模版有点retarded,至少莎士比亚那个还有一个coin两个面什么的没人用过。祝lz考试成功！:handshake

[[i] 本帖最后由 写在心里 于 2008-1-31 05:34 编辑 [/i]]

回复 8# 的帖子

I know, but my level is just ...like....this....so moban is the only way to deal with TF.
I know my moban is of terrible quality, but it IS ............ a mirror of my skills.....
I am sorry to say this.........
or need I read other's more? But I find others' plain and ....
THANKS

ok~~~ignored
maybe i am too horrible to be noticed

好可怜的LZ。。。呵呵
加油，多练，多看范文，会有提高的
大不了2战嘛
别灰心