查看完整版本: 帮我改改作文吧,2月2号考~TWE32

帮我改改作文吧,2月2号考~TWE32

A big company in my city recently declared that it is going to give some money either to support the art or to support the environment.Some people support that it invest on arts such as holding a painting exhibition or a music concert so as to attract more people to visit my city.While others hold the idea that it invest on environment for they think a healthy environment is prerequite for drawing public attention.As far as I am concerned,I agree with the later one because a healthy environment is necessary in order to foster the economic developement and also benifit peoples'health.
First of all, recently,more and more natural lands have been abondoned for the construcion of tall buildings or large factries,and waste gases from factories also polluted air and rivers.Now,the air in my city is often grey that I can hardly see the sun and the river there is so turbid.One of my foreign friends even told me that it was so uncomfortable to stay in my city.In that case,why don't the company use the money to protect the environment?Here I will give one example to illustrate the benifits of supporting the environment.There is a city Guilin in South China at where the government spent a large sum of money on environment years ago.I went there last summer and I was deeply impressed by the lovely city where the sun always shines and the air is fresh and clean.Luxuriant trees are on both sides of the road and crystal streams wound their way across the mountains.Every year,tourists from all over the world go there for sightseeing which also contributes to the income of the tourism.Moreover,it has attracted some enterpreners to set their bussiness there.Profits from these enterprises also has enriched the city economic and turned the small city into a profitable developed one.
Another aspect of the advantage can be seen is that if the environment is improved,people's health will be much better.As we all know,environmental pollution has caused and contributed to many illnesses and diseases,if the company use the money to plant more tress and grasses,more green trees will produce more oxygen into the air,more oxygen will refresh people's brains and their respiration system can be well developed. more grassland will prevent more sand from blowing into the air,thus prevent people from getting sick. In a word,healthy environment will surely increase the overall wellness of peple's health.
Choosing to support art also has a few advantagous to some extent.For example,holding music concerts can provide people more options to have a relaxation.
But if all these factors are comtemplated,the advantages of supporting envionment carries more weight than on art.

Another piece of article full of BS and lexical errors. You should always keep in your mind that what type or derivative of a word ought to be used before writting down your next sentence. For example, you said "has enriched the city economic ...", where you should have used "economy". Such errors are left to be corrected yourself.

But what I am concerned with is not one or two words you employed, but the whole content you managed, seemingly with a greatly  painful effort, to finished, in hopes that the number of words can meet the "end". Generally, the article you composed says nothing but some fabricated stories with simple reasoning that goes not beyond primary school. You also abused some words or heavily repeated some of those. Your marker would not be satisfactory with such an only syntactically passable combination of words, I would say.

But you have not time to level up, or you may not have capacity to do so at all. Two weeks means nothing when it comes to a substantial upgrade for one's language skill, but you would also not be frustrated though I said so. A sincere advise here I may offer is that you try to finish your work first with your mother tongue, which is Chinese in your case, and then you could try to translate it to target language. When writting in a familiar language, you can generally no longer be concerned with words and syntax as to make it meaningful, and you have chance to put your attention on what you should have noted, the content.

As you may know, some teachers assert content contribute to no importance in regards to your mark, presuming the test be based on a principle that syntax of language written by foreingers is looked at first, which is to say, it would make scrutiny on how you did, but not what you have done. Believing this you may ignore my suggestion, but you would end up with miserable result. (Ridiculously, I often saw some one mention some "disastrous outcome" once they deal with environment topic. That's really funny.) Now think is there a strict border line to be used in demarcating the validity of syntax and semantic legitmacy of those words that make up of sentences for a natural language? We say absolutely NO. A reader who browses an article would naturally tend to be aware of the meaning, since he is not a machine, and no matter how he has be trained to simulate a machine in such way. Also let's consider same thing on a marker's position. If you submitted an article that did say something, would he be further obsessed with those tiny grammer mistakes and at the same time totally ignore what you have done as before? Second, if he had been marking such BS articles all day long, and suddenly found one that was so distinctive that it was not meant to assure an acceptable mark but was trying to arguing a point, would he not be refreshed by your work and give you a high mark?

In a nutshell, all I want to say here is that content is necessarily important as well. Taking your capabilty into account, you have no other ways to win you a TOFEL test other than consolidating your content.

[[i] 本帖最后由 nrgbooster 于 2008-1-17 00:41 编辑 [/i]]

可是我的问题就是觉得内容不好想啊:'( :'( :'( 怎么办?

What is your mother tongue in your case, nrgbooster? :funk: I'm surprised with your mixed ideas of American and Chinese and a totally native wording...  另外，给lz个建议，想不出来理由就拿着180道题挨道去训练限时想出观点