查看完整版本: 望指教：关于computers

望指教：关于computers

[size=12pt][font=Arial][size=12pt][color=#000000][b]153 some people say that computers have made life easier and more convenient. Other people say that computer have made life more complex ans stressful. What os your opinion?[/b][/color][/size][/font]
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[font=Arial][color=#000000]The history of computers can be traced back to nearly 4 centuries age, when a German scientist invented a machine that used 17 weeks to do simple mathmatic. Nowadays, some people claim that computers have made life easier and more convenient, while others say that computer have made life more complex and stressful. In my opinion,
I agree with the former group of people. Since last century, computers had a rapid-speed development, and then computers had become an indispensable part of modern life, having tremendous impacts on nearly every facet of the modern society. [/color][/font]
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[font=Arial][color=#000000]For starters, by using computer, people communicate in a faster, cheaper, more convenient, and more timesaving way. Before the invention of computers, people relyed on letters or telephones to communicate. Or they talked to each other face to face. And now, people use email, instant messageing application and internet chat rooms to communicate. Suppose you have a friend living in American but you live in China, which way is more convenient, by letter? Telephone? Or face to face? There is no doubt that they cost you much time and money. Nothing is more convenient expect the computer, by using it, you can talk with your friend far-away, even look at him/her by using video frequency. It makes the commucation much easier and more interesting. And the computers are regarded as a intermedium to make new friends, who may live in your vicinity but you never have opportunity to know each other or may be form different regions even other countries. [/color][/font]
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[font=Arial][color=#000000]Futhermore, people can gain a vast amount of information which they want by using computers. Before the age of computers, people looking for useful information or some important message by reading newspaper or looking for relative books in the library, which spent them so much time, and its not always effective. On contrast, if you access the web site of Google or BaiDu, and type in the key words you wanted, it just take you one or two seconds looking for the information. It can make the process no more a burdensome and time-consuming task.[/color][/font]
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[font=Arial][color=#000000]In addition, computer is a excellent instrument for entertainment. People can listen to pop music legally downloaded form the internet, watch blockbuster movies online, paly electronic game. All of these can relax you, and release you form the boring work and study. [/color][/font]
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[font=Arial][color=#000000]In a nutshell, thanks to the invention of computer, our lives become easier, more colorful and convenient. We can travel around the world not by going out but just surfing in the internet. It let us make so many friends and by chatting with them, we can share their joy, know different costom, different viewpoint of looking at the world, which can open our eyes and mind to know the outside of ourselves' world. Expect that, useful and effective information-search online save us lot of time and make the process amusing. [/color][/font]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 pickangel 于 2007-12-30 11:20 编辑 [/i]]

改过的[url]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=6855&pid=87594&page=1&extra=page%3D1#pid87594[/url]
和 [url]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/thread-6909-1-1.html[/url]

第一段：machine拼错了,最后最好是having tremendous beneficial(good) impacts ...观点更鲜明，呵呵
第二段：communication 可以和conversation替换，词汇多样性hehe


文章的总体结构不错，注意拼写，还有Conclusion部分最好是能把前文的各个观点概括下，不要写其他的东西了、
个人意见，经供参考

第一段的第一句举例，与下面的引出两方观点没有必然联系。。。
第二段写过去没用过去时,而且开头的并列最还不要超过3个。。。see each face to face有问题，你可以写成use the face-to-face communication..
Suppose you have a friend living in American but you living in China, which way is more convenient,
应该是supposing...
还有句子没有主语，应该改成：supposing you have a friend living in America but you live in China~~~
这一句后面的标点也不对，应该最后一个是问号，前几个是逗号。。。
can talking 错。。。
you far-away friend错。。。
have opportunity 没有冠词。。。
form different

先改到第二段吧，逻辑也有不少错误，建议你还是先改一下吧...
你的文章写得与有点感觉像是空洞的说教，缺乏生气。。。
不好意思，说话很直，有些刻薄，加油吧！！！

谢谢，我好好看看，不过第一段第一句不是举例阿！是老师讲的一种开头的方式阿！用讲历史的方式
还有那个就应该用suppose,呵呵:loveliness:

[[i] 本帖最后由 pickangel 于 2007-12-30 11:13 编辑 [/i]]

你如果用历史这种开头方式，必须与后面的争论又必然的联系。。。
你只是写出了计算机的历史，并没有体现出它是否方便或者有坏的影响:loveliness:

哦，我看看

还有阿，怎么写能让文章显得又生气呢？谢谢指点:)