查看完整版本: 跪求大家！！我改改作文啊～～提意见啊～～１２．８号考～～

跪求大家！！我改改作文啊～～提意见啊～～１２．８号考～～

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]巴郎第６套的作文，呵呵～～很烂的，谢谢大家了～就是关于学习一门外语要不要去那个国家学的．．呵呵～这种水平可以得什么分数啊？会不会废话很多？５５５[/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Currently, there is an extended debate on the controversial issue about whether learning a foreign language should stay in the country which speaks the same one or not. Unarguably, different individuals may come up with distinctive opinions due to personal preference and educational
background. Some people argue it is a superb way to master an exotic language in a foreign country because of its linguistic climate; while others hold the opinion that, all too often, we will fail to adjust to a new environment, so it will be detrimental to ourselves to reach a new country. As for me, after pondering from various perspectives, I will prefer to agree with the former choice. Of all sorts of facts and reasons can strengthen my viewpoint, I will present the most critical and conspicuous ones here.[/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=3]The first plain truth, I am presenting there, is that a large amount of comprehensive knowledge will be cultivated by us, not only foreign language, but also the customs and practices. In other words, we can learn more conventions, interpersonal skills and other skills in a new country for us. A good example may be found in a case about one of my best friends, has a poor capable of mastering a language in China who has gone to United States a myriad of years ago. After she went back, I am so surprising that her improvement in English and communication skills. Hence, it provides us a fantastic atmosphere to learn a foreign language well in a country which it is spoken.[/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Besides, it is reasonable to master a language in the same country because we should say it in our daily life. Undoubtedly,
we have no alternative but to say the similar language with the local people in a foreign country because by no means can we say foreign language, nobody would understand us in a new country. The majority of m classmates believe that learning a language in the local country would provide them more opportunities to master this language well and deeply, which may put them in a favorable position in the future job markets, the reason is that it saves more time to study it than others in their countries. So the striking conclusion is that it is considerable to study a language in a foreign country which it is spoken.[/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Admittedly, it has a negative effect of learning a foreign language in a different country because coin has two sides. For instance, in the beginning, it is hard for us to chat with others because we have not a solid foreign language foundation, also, we should respect
the customs in this foreign country, so a great deal of daily material should be educated by us before arriving at this new country and so forth. However, the advantages of mastering a foreign language in the same country bring more weight than those of learning it in the local country.[/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=3]To sum up, from what has been discussed above, we can see even though this dilemma still exists in some conditions, which we cannot just turn around from facing because nothing in this world is purely perfect, so it is still safe for us to draw the conclusion that the best way of mastering a foreign language is that staying in this host country instead of
in
this local area.[/size][/font]

[[i] 本帖最后由 hanbingyy 于 2007-12-1 20:46 编辑 [/i]]

12月8号考？
再哪里啊？

557字，半小时写完？
我觉得第一段可以删一些。

我给你统改了一遍。
你的问题是：
1，太多Template语言
2，第二段例证不充分：因为你这一段的论点是Learn language and customs，你应该描述你的同学是如何在掌握custom上让你惊讶的，这个地方你自己再想想，我不能胡编。
3，第三段毫无逻辑性，彻底重写。
4，第四段画蛇添足，但我还是给你改了。现在更有说服力。
5，结尾纯废话，你就找我给你改的写。因为你是在SUMMING UP！
6，有一些词不合适：exotic, detrimental, a myriad of years。统统删。

Currently, as language skill is becoming necessary in our careers and life, we often hear about some debates on the best way to learn foreign language. Should learners move to the country whose people saying the language as mother tongue, or just stay where they live and manage to master it by teachers and books? Some may argue it is a superb way for us to learn an foreign language in exactly that country because of its linguistic climate; while others hold the opinion that, all too often, we could fail to adapt to a new environment, so it will be not so productive for us to reach a new country. As for me, I will prefer to agree with the former choice. Here, of all facts and reasons which can support my viewpoint, I will present the most critical and conspicuous ones.

The first plain truth I would have to say is that, being in a foreign country, what we can learn is not only limited within one language, but also include much cultural knowledge, such as local customs and practices. A good example may be found in a case happening on one of my best friends, who had comparatively poor capability in mastering a language and had to gone to United States several years ago. When she went back, I was so surprising at her tremendous improvement in English and communication skills. Hence, it provides us a fantastic atmosphere to learn a foreign language well in a country which the language is prevalent spoken.

Besides, since we have to speak the language in our daily life if we were in that country, our skills in language would be raised in a forcible way. To communicate with local people, we have no other choice but to speak the local language, even when we are not proficient at it at first. The much seen sceneries in Chinese campus are that many students would rush into various English seminars, boning up their English before they graduate and search their first job. English is an important criterion in evaluating a student’s capability but most of them fail to master it since the time they can spent in non-major courses is too always not enough. So, what will be the best way to master a foreign language within the shortest period? The answer would be obvious.

However, like all coins have two sides, learning a foreign language in a different country is inevitably associated with some negative effects. For instance, when we have just arrived in that country with poor local language, the daily life could be a great challenge to most of us, and in the extreme it would possibly overwhelm our passions and confidences. Knowing few about what entertainers are saying on screen or being embarrassed by unintentional violation against local customs, we might be depressed and feel helpless. All of those complexes should be overcome with a great pain, though what is waiting us might be greater happiness.

To sum up, though not being perfect as well, it is still safe to say that the best way of learning a foreign language is to stay in its host country for a while. It can be time-saving, and you will get much more beyond language itself.

回复 #2 dipset 的帖子

sh嘛，你呢

[quote]原帖由 [i]ruily31[/i] 于 2007-12-5 10:41 发表 [url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=75128&ptid=5230][img]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
557字，半小时写完？
我觉得第一段可以删一些。 [/quote]
好呢，谢谢。．５５５

[quote]原帖由 [i]nrgbooster[/i] 于 2007-12-5 22:45 发表 [url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=75639&ptid=5230][img]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
我给你统改了一遍。
你的问题是：
1，太多Template语言
2，第二段例证不充分：因为你这一段的论点是Learn language and customs，你应该描述你的同学是如何在掌握custom上让你惊讶的，这个地方你自己再想想， ... [/quote]
很很感动，谢谢啊．．．

[quote]原帖由 [i]dipset[/i] 于 2007-12-5 08:55 发表 [url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=75098&ptid=5230][img]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
12月8号考？
再哪里啊？ [/quote]
上海，你呢～呵呵

北京~工商哈哈~

改过后的第一段文字还是太多了点........