查看完整版本: 第三篇,请帮忙~!

第三篇,请帮忙~!

55. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A person should never make an important decision alone. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.   
When it talks about making decision, people may have different opinions. Some people argue that important decision shouldn't be made alone, for the reason that it is really play a key role in one's life.  However, others maintain that people should decide everything by themselves, because it should be their own thing rather than others’. As far as I am concerned, I think a person make an important decision alone or discuss with other depends on different situations.
Take a successful business man for example, he must say that he always make important decisions by himself. There is no doubt that he is an experienced man who has learned a lot from his work. He is calm and wise enough to make decision alone. What's more, a business man is the leader of his company, you could hardly see that your boss discuss some important decision to the men who work for him. So, when a person has the ability to make decision alone, I think there is no need to talk with others. My uncle, who operates a company, told me that, as a successful man, what you need to do is just make your own decision and stick to it.
There will be different when it comes to the children, who are still too young to make decision themselves. Children have no access to attach to the society, so they don’t know that an important decision could influence their whole life. At this particular time, they should ask for help from their parents who are more experienced than them. The parents would like to help the children to make right choice. My sister, at the moment that she chooses high school, she didn’t know which one to attend to. It’s her parent whom she discussed with helped her at last. And now, she is a good student in her school. Without the help from adults, children make important decision alone may lead to bad result.
From what has been discussed above, we could safely draw the conclusion that whether a person should make important decision alone depends on whether he/she has enough experiences. Only through this way can we avoid some bad result comes out.

写得不好.因为是第一次用这种depends on 的态度写。想让大家指点一下，看看有没有发展的空间。

我帖子够50了～～

[quote]原帖由 [i]favor_918[/i] 于 2007-11-29 22:23 发表 [url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=69161&ptid=5175][img]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
55. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A person should never make an important decision alone. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.   
When it talks abou ... [/quote]It’s her parent

我觉得应该是her parents或者是her mother

[size=9pt]Some people argue that important decision shouldn't be made alone. [/size][font=宋体][size=9pt]一定要注意写成[/size][/font][size=9pt]should not[/size][font=宋体][size=9pt]的形式，[/size][/font][size=9pt]iBT[/size][font=宋体][size=9pt]作文不支持缩写。[/size][/font][size=9pt][/size]
[size=9pt]As far as I am concerned, I think a person make an important decision alone or discuss with other depends on different situations. [/size][font=宋体][size=9pt]建议在前面加一个[/size][/font][size=9pt]however[/size][font=宋体][size=9pt]，使转折更自然。[/size][/font][size=9pt][/size]
[font=宋体][size=9pt]第一段写得很好，明确清晰的表明了自己的观点，但是明显看出了模版痕迹，希望考试的时候能少用模版就少用，考官们对模版俨然已经达到了恶心的地步[/size][/font][font=Wingdings][size=9pt][font=Wingdings]J[/font][/size][/font][size=9pt][/size]
[size=9pt] [/size]
[size=9pt]Take a successful business man for example[/size][font=Wingdings][size=9pt][font=Wingdings]è[/font][/size][/font][size=9pt]for an example.[/size]
[size=9pt]he must say that he always make important decisions by himself. Make[/size][font=宋体][size=9pt]加[/size][/font][size=9pt]s[/size]
[font=宋体][size=9pt]或者要是想更地道的表达，不妨把[/size][/font][size=9pt]always makes[/size][font=宋体][size=9pt]换成[/size][/font][size=9pt]used to be making[/size]
[size=9pt] [/size]
[size=9pt]He is calm and wise enough to make decision alone[/size][font=宋体][size=9pt]。[/size][/font][size=9pt] decision[/size][font=宋体][size=9pt]这里应该加复数[/size][/font][size=9pt][/size]
[size=9pt] [/size]
[size=9pt]you could hardly see that your boss discuss some important decision to the men who work for him.[/size]
[size=9pt]Discusses[/size]
[font=Calibri][size=3] [/size][/font]
[size=9pt]The parents would like to help the children to make right choice.[/size]
[size=9pt]
Choices[/size]
[size=9pt] [/size]
[size=9pt]Only through this way can we avoid some bad result comes out.[/size]
[size=9pt]Come[/size]
[size=9pt] [/size]
[size=9pt] [/size]
[size=3][font=宋体]总结：这篇文章写得很好[/font][font=Calibri]^^[/font][font=宋体]条理清晰，[/font][font=Calibri]full of details and examples, at the same time the writer was able to explain his idea clearly and the structure is nice.[/font][/size]
[size=3][font=宋体]不足之处在于，一些细节的语法毛病，尤其是单复数问题和所有格问题，要是这点能解决就更完美了[/font][font=Calibri]^^[/font][/size]
[font=宋体][size=3]还有一点，就是模版痕迹可怕，最后一段就是靠模版撑起来的。我们说能用自己的语言表达最好。[/size][/font]
[font=Calibri][size=3] [/size][/font]
[size=3][font=宋体]很不错，希望你继续努力，考试的时候这样的文章上[/font][font=Calibri]20[/font][font=宋体]分是没有问题的[/font][font=Calibri]^^[/font][/size]
[size=3][font=宋体]个人预计[/font][font=Calibri]23[/font][font=宋体]分左右[/font][font=Calibri]~~[/font][font=宋体]如果没有那些语法问题，[/font][font=Calibri]25[/font][font=宋体]，[/font][font=Calibri]26[/font][font=宋体]分左右，如果语言再地道一些或者用词再丰富一些，[/font][font=Calibri]28[/font][font=宋体]分以上，再去掉模版，换成自己的话，满分[/font][font=Calibri]^^[/font][/size]

[[i] 本帖最后由 west 于 2007-11-30 17:21 编辑 [/i]]

回复 #5 west 的帖子

谢谢版主。
语法问题我会注意的，确实是一直没有注意到。看来以后写的时候得多加小心。
模板的问题也确实如你所说，是按模板写的。一直以为模板能得高分呢。看来的注意了。自己的语言写出来的才是最好的。
至于语言的地道，想问下有什么方法能快速提高一下？12月15就上考场了。
词汇或许是我的一个弱点，有些单词我见到了根据上下文能推出是什么意思，但是写作的时候还是那些老词，确实有点担心。
再次感谢。
考试前会不断发作文上来的，希望版主能继续帮助我~~嘿嘿

看你的作文就觉得你真的好像教主---戴云的教徒！
作文模式特别熟悉！
开头~~背景+反方观点（+反方理由）+正方观点（+正方理由）+自己的观点+理由~
呵呵~~~:loveliness:

回复 #7 小珊 的帖子

被你看穿了。是这样子的，我是教主的学生~~ 嘿嘿~~

嘿嘿~~~
  
貌似我的眼睛还蛮准的~~~:loveliness:

....现在谁写托福作文都用这个模式了..