查看完整版本: 大家帮忙看看谢谢 ^^,改过很多篇了~

大家帮忙看看谢谢 ^^,改过很多篇了~

[size=2]Computers and human life
In this era of rapid social and technological change leading to increasing life complexity, computers are more closely related to human life. some people argue as if it is a general truth that computers have made life more complex and stressful, while if somewhat obviously, I am probably will always be, one of those who claim that computers have made life easier and more convenient.
One great point is that computers make our colossal world a small village. As an old saying gose, “The invention of computers is the monument in modern lives.” By computers, anyone can talk with each other far instance between, strangers can turn into be good friends ; by computers, any dealers can do business over the internet, numerous successful companies are the symbol model for us ,such as Coca Cola international corporation ; by computers, everyone of us can search for any information want to know, and so on. Don’t you think these examples are very persuasive?
Despite of the reason mentioned above, a second thought, another indispensable fact, will simultaneously come into our minds is that computers can help me relax and release the pressure from work and study efficiently. I can listen to CD, play games, chat with my friends etc, all of these can have all my pressure gone. As of now you can see, you will understand it more deeply.
     With that said, there are, of course, on no account can we ignore the fact that everything has two sides. Now the public are benefiting more and more from scientific and technological inventions, on the other hand, the progress of science and technology is bringing us a lot of trouble, besides computers. Nowadays, there still are many adolescents preoccupy with the internet games without normal study life, which is the phenomenon should be controlled by government as soon as possible. Nevertheless, the advantage of computers will carries more weight than that of advantage of them. So the most striking conclusion is obvious.
    To sum up, due to analysis and reasons mentioned above, which sometimes intertwine an organic whole and hence become more credible than before, we could safely advocates the conclusion that computers play a significant role in human life indeed, which would be better if some new facilities administrated to control teenagers use computers more moderately.[/size]

[[i] 本帖最后由 whereiswc 于 2007-11-19 18:00 编辑 [/i]]

Despite of the reason mentioned above, a second thought, another indispensable fact, will simultaneously come into our minds is that computers can help me relax and release the pressure from work and study efficiently
首先Despite后面不跟of，直接跟名词或者从句
另外Despite的意思是尽管，用在这显然不对，换成Besides比较好
另外will simultaneously come into our minds is that computers 这句话不对，前面加个which吧