查看完整版本: 第二篇 改过两篇了

第二篇 改过两篇了

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]TOPIC   你和你父母这两代人有什么不同[/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=3]When asked about how is their generation different from their parents’, people may have their own various answers. In my opinion, the difference between the 2 generations that comes to my mind first goes to the distinct backgrounds which the 2 generations live in and which will be discussed from 3 branches as follows.[/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=3]To start with, it’s the different scientific level that leads to the disparity of backgrounds of the 2 generations. In other words, the development of science and technologies is contributory to the difference between 2 generations. For example, if our parents in their teenage, wanted to communicate with a friend of theirs, they would probably write him a letter or a postcard while our generation would just press the push buttons on our mobiles to send short messages or to give phone calls to our friends, or perhaps we can send out emails or utilize software like MSN to chat with friends directly when we are online.[/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Secondly, the 2 generations get distinct living backgrounds. That’s to say, the 2 groups daily lives of the same age are organized in different ways. Specifically speaking, the childhood of our generation may consist of tours, toys and other entertaining items, contrary to which is the boyhood of the elder group, the one made up of memories of housework, fieldwork, deficiency of food, lack of economical support, which resulted in their un developed interests that generated a great contrast of ours.[/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=3]In addition, among the different backgrounds between the 2 generations is the disparity from educational angle that should be emphasized. The education the 2 generations received differs from the hardware in the school, the general educational system, the admission percentage of each school level and so on. For instance, our teachers of professors frequently make use of computers to assist the teaching activities while the teachers of our parents’ can not. Moreover, the admission rate of universities in our parents’ high school time went approximately to 8%, which is far lower than is the present statistics.[/size][/font]
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[size=3][font=Times New Roman]From what have been expounded above, it’s pretty obvious how the backgrounds of the 2 generations differ in 3 aspects. Of course, besides the background there are some other differences that have not been mentioned.[/font][/size]
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[size=3][font=Times New Roman][b]大概用了一小时[/b][/font][/size]

开头那个their 我觉得指代不清，突然说这个觉得有点唐突。
第二段的例子写的很详细。我觉得不错。
我觉得中间三段应该有2段是详细说，一段时简单说，但楼主好像写的都差不多长。应该详略分明。
还有我觉得例子少了一点。

楼主写的真是蛮好的，起码比我强太多了。
用句十分讲究，只是不知道会不会影响到时间。
个人觉的有一点小错误就是没有Secondly这个用法，
在新东方时老师专门说的，只有firstly，其余的都不对，类似Secondly。

多谢指正.......

楼主的用词值得我学习,只是就像前面的人说的3个方面没有详略之分,不太好

Firstly,secondly 应该可以用在文中的啊。显得有层次感。

也可以 The first ... is ...
           The second ... is...

或是  First of all.

楼主的文章写得很好。思维很开阔。
在家一些个人的见解就好了。

写得非常好....学习了不少楼主的用词。。。。