第一次发帖子，谢谢大家指导！
[align=left][b][size=4]题目：Some people think that earning a high salary is the most important thing about a job while others think that doing enjouable work is more important, even if the job does not pay well. Which do you prefer ?Given specific reasons and examples to support your answer.[/size][/b]
[i][b][color=lime]已经用WORD纠错过了[/color][/b]
[/i][b]正文1：（半个小时打出来的）[/b]
[size=4][font=Times New Roman] This is a complicated and controversial subject of which different people may have different ideas. But if I face such a problem, I incline to the job which is enjoyable for the following reasons.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman] First, doing a work which I enjoy can improve my working effective. When I work, I am happy .Interests can help me concentrate to my work. In my opinion, concentration is the basis of the work .No matter you want to do it well, or want to learn some thing from it. [/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman] Second, if I do an enjoyable work, I won't under an extra stress. Then I can do it more flexibly. Lots of people who want to get more money abound following their loves. Come to the end, their job stress results their failure, which causes seriously mistakes during their work. What's more, under the stress, their health condition also deteriorate. They can not work efficiently as usual. [/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman] Last but not the least, interesting can develop my professional knowledge. If I work in the field I like, I tend to spend more time to it .It not only improves my working qualities, but also enhance my professional knowledge during the time when I combine the theory and practice together.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman] Of course, salary is important. No matter who works he is willing to get money. Because it bring the basis necessities, with out salary how can we live in the society? But comparing to extra income and my enjoyment I would rather chose the things I like.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]正文2：（自己修改后的）[/font]
[font=Times New Roman] Making a choice between interests and a good payment is complicated and controversial. With the economic recession, a new research which has surveyed three universities of my hometown indicates that the eighty percents of the students who just graduate from school are willing to do the work with a high salary, even they do not enjoy it. Only about twenty percents of them tend to sacrifice some money for an enjoyable work. If I face such a problem, I believe that I will choose to participate the minority for the following reasons.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[/size][font=Times New Roman]
[size=4] Obviously, money is important to all of us. It is a symbol of wealth that brings you lots of things, from necessities (like basin, toothpaste, clothes, etc.) to luxuries (like houses, cars, jewelries, etc.). We can not lead a life in the society without money. Higher salary means you can buy some things much easily than the people rewarded at a lower status. However, when we pursue a better material life, we abound a chance to approach what we love. Interests or extra money? As a big five student, I've spent a lot of time in my major study. From the day I decided my school, I had loved it. Five years past, I love it more deeply than before. I hope one day I can use all the knowledge I had learned into practice in the future. So if there is a job appropriate to my major I will accept it without hesitation. And what I merely need is a low salary to lead a simple life.[/size][/font]
[size=4][font=Times New Roman] [/font]
[/size][font=Times New Roman]
[size=4] Work like a two-edged sword. You enjoy it, it will make you happy and improve your efficiencies; You hate it, it will make you drowsy and settle stress upon your head. That is an important reason why I incline to an enjoyable work. Once I like it, I can concentrate to do it well. In my opinion, concentration is the basis of accomplishing a task. What's more, stress come from our daily work is a serious problem which cause many mistakes during our work and deteriorate our health conditions. In addition, if I work in a field I like, I tend to spend more time to it. It not only improves my working qualities, but also broadens my professional knowledge. The combination of the theory and practice will stimulate me to work harder.[/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]
[size=4] Interest is the wind, blowing us to a remote and deep place of our profession; interest is the fertilize, nourishing our body and mental for a better development; interest is the boat, carrying us to the bank of success. I believe in and insist on my decision, after all, mental wealth is more precious than material wealth .Simultaneously, and I also believe that one day there will be more people to select an enjoyable work rather than a part of extra money.[/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]昨天看了小艾的写作经验那篇文章后蛮有感触的，或许写的数量多就写的好这种观点本身就有一定的误区吧，所以我想把一篇写好，把每个句子写好。自己改了后感觉好些，但是还是希望能够更好点，谢谢大家指教！[/font][/align]
[[i] 本帖最后由 adison851224 于 2008-12-25 16:52 编辑 [/i]] 不错，先支持再仔细看(Horse12 怎么没人帮忙修改啊~ ~！自己顶上去！！！！
拜托大家不吝赐教啊，谢谢！ 我主要是不 了解托福作文的模版 你还是去看去摸索下
第一篇太简单了 尤其是在衔接上 有些句子感觉不完整 至少不是习惯的表达法 如 In my opinion, concentration is the basis of the work .No matter you want to do it well, or want to learn some thing from it.
第二篇的问题是结构不清晰了 不直接了当 如果阅卷人看一遍会觉得有点没有主次 而且这样写你考试费时还冒风险 Making a choice between interests and a good payment is complicated and controversial. With the economic recession, a new research which has surveyed three universities of my hometown indicates that the eighty percents of the students who just graduate from school are willing to do the work with a high salary, even they do not enjoy it. Only about twenty percents of them tend to sacrifice some money for an enjoyable work. If I face such a problem, I believe that I will choose to participate the minority for the following reasons.
Obviously, money is important to all of us. It is a symbol of wealth that brings you lots of things, from necessities (like basin, toothpaste, clothes, etc.) to luxuries (like houses, cars, jewelries, etc.). We can not lead a life in the society without money. Higher salary means you can buy some things much easily than the people rewarded at a lower status. However, when we pursue a better material life, we abound a chance to approach what we love. Interests or extra money? As a big five student, I've spent a lot of time in my major study. From the day I decided my school, I had loved it. Five years past, I love it more deeply than before. I hope one day I can use all the knowledge I had learned into practice in the future. So if there is a job appropriate to my major I will accept it without hesitation. And what I merely need is a low salary to lead a simple life.
这个太多了 分段也不是很好 反而把主要的理由缩到了一段这是不明智的 我觉得可以把理由写在前 在把我的情况写在后 前面否定不选的略写 即As a big five student, I've spent a lot of time in my major study. From the day I decided my school, I had loved it. Five years past, I love it more deeply than before. I hope one day I can use all the knowledge I had learned into practice in the future. So if there is a job appropriate to my major I will accept it without hesitation. And what I merely need is a low salary to lead a simple life写在Work like a two-edged sword. You enjoy it, it will make you happy and improve your efficiencies; You hate it, it will make you drowsy and settle stress upon your head. That is an important reason why I incline to an enjoyable work. Once I like it, I can concentrate to do it well. In my opinion, concentration is the basis of accomplishing a task. What's more, stress come from our daily work is a serious problem which cause many mistakes during our work and deteriorate our health conditions. In addition, if I work in a field I like, I tend to spend more time to it. It not only improves my working qualities, but also broadens my professional knowledge. The combination of the theory and practice will stimulate me to work harder.后面
最后一段其实有点怪 感觉的 也没看出毛病
最主要是连词要加强 还有从句没把握就不用 不要错了就更亏了
还是要多练啊 多练才出速度 和 好句子
我要说的差不多就这些 我下个月就要考试了 拜托大家帮忙啊 继续顶上去，第一篇不要沉了````:L
页:
[1]