liruipku 2008-9-6 17:09
写了一篇文章，欢迎大家指点。
离考试剩下一个月左右的时间了，本人开始练习作文。这次练习的是185题库里的第一题，也就是问上大学的原因。由于是第一次写，似乎写的有点偏题。欢迎大家指正。
As we all know that, College or university is of great importance for every person. But not everyone has the chance to get a offer from a secertain university. People who are allowed to enter college or university may go to college or university with different purposes. As to me,I receive my life of college mainly because I want to learn more knowledge and skills.
When I was 19 years old ,I went to the first crossroad of my life.Going college or not is quite a terrific problem. Because my family is so poor, if I had went to work , I could earn money in time and support my family,but my father didn’t think so. In his opinion, I should go to college and learn more knowledge and skills, with the knowledge and skills, I could earn more money and I can devote myself to the country better. After a though thought, I agreed on the point of my father. As my father said,I study hard and pick up a plenty of knowledge, That why I had got so many rewards and horours.
What’s more ,Going to a college , you can know many good friend who will help you when you need help especially when you in great trouble. Campus is a hallmark of the friendship among all of my college classmates. One day wo will go to different directions, but our friendship will not go with the department of friend and will live forever.
If you don’t enter a college or university ,you will lose mess of chance to improve youself, for example, you aren’t able to receive knowledge systematicly. Also you have no chance to aquaint with the atmosphere of study and research of college or university.
To sum up, I think everybody should go to the college or university mainly for the reason that wo can get more knowledge and skill, and wo can receive our friendship,also wo can have a chance to aquaint with the atmosphere of college or university.
小老虎忽忽 2008-9-6 19:39
As we all know that,[color=red] (attending)[/color] College or university is of great importance for every person. But not everyone has the chance to get a offer from a secertain university. People who are allowed to enter college or university may go to college or university with different purposes. As to me,I receive my life of college mainly because I want to learn more knowledge and skills.（[color=red]不是所有人有机会上大学和后面的观点没有直接的关系啊，如果观点是上学为了学习知识的话，那前面陈述的要和你的观点对应。换句话说，lz的每一句话要回应主题，否则就废话的。）
[/color]When I was 19 years old ,I [color=red](met)[/color]went to the first crossroad of my life[color=red].(whether)[/color]Going college or not is quite a terrific problem. Because my family is so poor, if I had went to work , I could earn money in time and support my family,but my father [color=red](,however,)[/color]didn’t think so. In his opinion, I should go to college and learn more knowledge and skills, with the knowledge and skills, I could earn more money and I can devote myself to the country better.[color=red] (最好分成几个短句子，一话一个意思。或者是my father, however, had different opinion upon this problem that the only way to change the bad situation is to go aroud the world and to absorb knowledge.)[/color]After a though thought（？是说经过深思熟虑么？我觉得用then就可以了）, I agreed on the point of my father[color=red].（i chosen to。。。）[/color] As my father said,I study hard and pick up a plenty of knowledge, That why I had got so many rewards and horours.
What’s more ,Going to a college , you can know many good friend who will help you when you need help especially when you in great trouble. Campus is a hallmark of the friendship among all of my college classmates. One day wo will go to different directions, but our friendship will not go with the department of friend and will live forever.
If you don’t enter a college or university ,you will lose mess of chance to improve youself, for example, you aren’t able to receive knowledge systematicly. Also you have no chance to aquaint with the atmosphere of study and research of college or university.
To sum up, I think everybody should go to the college or university mainly for the reason that wo can get more knowledge and skill, and wo can receive our friendship,also wo can have a chance to aquaint with the atmosphere of college or university.
[color=red]就看了前两段，改了几个句子。lz用句简练，我喜欢。但是理由说的不够充分，前后句子没有逻辑感哦。。后面3段只有短短的几句话肯定不行的。一点拙见，笑纳哈，。。[/color]
liruipku 2008-9-7 21:59
回复 2# 的帖子
分析的很详细，真是太谢谢了。
以后我会更加努力的。
