查看完整版本: 10.18一战 写作日志求拍！

10.18一战 写作日志求拍！

OG上的综合作文

[font=Helvetica][size=14px][font=Calibri]In the lecture, the professor thinks altruism is not a behavior among the human and animals. However, the passage states that it is the type of behavior among the animal and people that individuals performing nothing altruistic acts gain nothing for themselves. The professor cast doubt for several reasons.[/font][font=Calibri]First, taking the meerkat as example , the professor points that actually the standing guards eat full before they start to work and they place themselves in less danger because they are the first one to see the predator approaching and they can immediately go to the burrow which is near them. Besides, the alarm makes the other meerkats get to together, and it attract the predator’s attention from the stand guards so they can esasily escape. In contrast, the passage thinks that the stand guards eat nothing while others are seaching food and they more likely to be catch by the predators.[/font][font=Calibri]Second, the professor points out that the people who donate organs to others gain the approval and reputation by society. Contrastly , the passage thinks that the donators gain noting.[/font][/size][/font]

[[i] 本帖最后由 virgil-hu 于 2008-9-6 12:58 编辑 [/i]]

human activities make the earth a better place to live or make worse?


Some people maintain that the human activities make the earth a better place to live. We can enjoy boating in the man-made lake, living in cozy and warm house in winter contribute to the invention of air-condition. And we also can easily to visit our families who live far from us that is possible for ancient people, for making of use vehicles. Nevertheless others don’t think so. In my personal angel, the later one corresponds to me.   First, the number of tress and grass is decreasing recent years for the simple reason that the human use it for economic profits, thus the desertification. For instance, citizens in Beijing sense that the sum of the sand-storm is soaring in every spring. Human cut down a large number of trees to make paper, chopsticks, decorations and so forth. Because of it, nothing left to maintain the soil. Year by year, it becomes sand and caused the worst problem that it is more accessible for people to get lung disease.    Second, some of the human’s invention also caused damage of the global environmental problem. For example, the exhausts which led out from the vehicles such as cars, buses is utterly harm to the air. Seldom for people can appreciate the real blue sky. Besides, the power endowed with human actually is ashamed for people who declared they are the hostess of earth but in essence, what they did is to devastate earth instead protect it. As the temperature escalating which caused by the using air-conditioner, many scientists predict that the glaciers will melt in the future. Can everyone imagine what will happen? The thriving cities along the coast such as Shanghai Guangzhou would not exist. It is the warning of the human.     Till today, scientist didn’t find another planet for human to live. If human continue to adopt the oil or damage the forests, we will not occupy earth any longer, for it will leads to the extermination. The end of living is the beginning of survival.

[[i] 本帖最后由 virgil-hu 于 2008-9-6 13:00 编辑 [/i]]

 should high schools allow students to study the courses that students want to study?


Some people maintain that the high school students should study the courses that they interested in and take it for granted, for part of the courses in high school, to some extent, is totally not useful in the future. Therefore, Students should concentrate the course they prefer. But form my personal angle alone, the students should obtain versatile courses instead of mere what they want to learn.   Firstly, the high school students are too young to select courses by themselves. For example, it is normal phenomenon that high school students often skip class, spending whole day in internet café, for they are addict to computer games that it never failed to fascinate the students who have not the adequate judgment. We can’t imagine what will happen for these students to choose courses personally-- All computer courses! The students go to school and gain nothing as it was.    Secondly, most academic disciplines are in fact interrelated. For instance, chemistry at times have to employ some statistical knowledge to deal with data and also requires writing skill for students in paper assignment. If the students just pay attention on single subject, needless to say, scarcely could they gain the essence of this subject. It is better off thus for students to receive rounded education.Last but not at least, most of students may not arrest attaining education in high school level, they will continue their specific education in college. In addition, if they didn’t take the course that is the prerequisite for their future major, they have to study the course missed in high school hardly. Consequently, It will cost their extra vigor and time.In conclusion, we live in a world where knowledge is accumulated by multiplying and at the same time becomes more and more specialized. Taking exuberant education, notwithstanding some of them will not take into practice, is optimal for students .If some students don’t like a subject, the teacher or the parents should take action to avoid the students go to the extremely direction like leave away from home hinge on their assistance.

[[i] 本帖最后由 virgil-hu 于 2008-9-6 13:02 编辑 [/i]]

should universities finance students' sports activities equally as libraries?

It is consensus among the traditional Chinese people that the quality of academic is the vital principle to evaluate a university. So, most universities spend the majority of money to maintain the academic facilities, for example libraries. In my personal angle, it is important for universities to give the same amount of money to their student’s sports activities as they give to their libraries. The reasons are as following.  First, taking the sports activities is good way for students to keep health. scientists find that the living of people who always take the sports exercise is longer than people who not regularly take, for through exercise, the heart active more quickly and pump the more blood to the all organs.  And always taking exercises is better for students to leave away from sick. If they don’t acquire a health body, seldom of them can concentrate the study. What Is more, it is also good for students to maintain their muscles for men and make a good shape for woman.  Second, the students also can learn some skills such as basketball, football, badminton and so forth. Moreover, knowing how to cooperate teammates during the games is also grateful to their future. It is common phenomenon for companies to train the employee’s teamwork spirits through the games. So , why not for universities teach the students via the simple way.Last but not at least, the superb sports facilities never failed to attract others attention. For example, the Chinese agriculture university gains attraction because there is the only baseball team in Chinese university. And a lot of students choose to attend the university that makes the university very famous. Besides, because of the 2008 Olympic Games held in Beijing, the universities there also absorb many foreigners to visit for the simple reason that the Olympic gems is located among the universities.In conclusion, the perfect sports facilities not only provide a good place for students to practice and learn but also gain the reputation which is important to them. It is wise for universities to focus on the sports activities equal to the academic construction, for we no longer evaluate the quality of university derive from the conservative aspect.

[[i] 本帖最后由 virgil-hu 于 2008-9-6 13:03 编辑 [/i]]

请各位指点！在哪些部分还需加强？

我现在就是很乱。。。一天做不完所以事情。。老觉得时间很少。
现在是上午阅读：精读老托2小时
             下午 口语3小时 听力1小时
               晚上 听力1小时， 写作2小时
大概这样分配的。一会儿就到晚上12点，睡觉去了，还剩口语材料没法儿总结上，单词也很马马虎虎，作文也改不好，基本上没啥修改就发上来了。感觉输出远大于输入。。来不及细细斟酌，每天都很赶。。。哎。。。咋整啊。。能不能给点儿建议？

我刚来这个论坛不久
但是希望能和大家一起学习努力

刚刚花了很多阅读楼主的文章
LZ给我的第一感觉就是：文章具有很强的逻辑性，结构组织严密
但是有略微不足之处：
1。注意以下叙述时所采用的语法，特别是句与句之间的语法关系
2。注意选用连词，还要注意连词与句子之间的符号问题，注意一些不能放在句首的单词
3。注意同位语的应用，这个可以让你的文章漂亮
4。注意表示先后顺序的次的词性（比如个人认为 SENCOND没有SECONDLY好）


全部出于本人拙见，最后说一下，我很佩服LZ的精神
我也是今年的考生，希望有机会一同学习

回复 7# 的帖子

很高兴能看到你的指点。但是能不能具体的指出来呢～这样叙述让我觉得很飘渺。。呵呵～～好啊～～希望一起备考！！9987755加我吧～很高兴认识你啊！哈哈

看出来LZ是精心准备了模板的呀，结构保持的很好，不过有语法错误，不少，很多也是笔误吧。希望楼主努力训练哈！我也是今年的，一起努力丫！
air-condition
also can easily to
that is possible for ancient people
the human
for economic profits,
thus the desertification

回复 9# 的帖子

对不起啊。。我语法不太好。。。所以你列举的错误不太明白。。可不可以解释清楚一点儿～谢谢你的指点！一起努力～～

It is consensus among the traditional Chinese people that students should be required to attend all classes, for it is advocating virtue to be submitted to teacher’s conduction. However, this traditional thinking is not applying to some students any longer especially who born in late 1980’, for they prone to absorb knowledge in their own ways. In my personal angle, whether students should attend all the classes or not hinge on individual situation.
The rational is the actual and the actual the rational. Therefore, it is no doubt that students can benefit from attending the course. Every teacher undergoes the systematic training from 3years to 5years or more. In addition, they spend their vigor and time on only one subject and can elaborate the obscure theory in simple words. In this regard, it is easier for students to obtain knowledge to attend class than study alone. Besides, students also can ask question when they get mislead. That is why most Chinese people respect teachers and always attend class in time.
   However, there is exceptional among students. Some students who not always attend class are also the top student in class. For instance, a friend of my named virgil attend the computer class just for several times a term for the simple reason that he not get used to the big class which is hard for him to concentrate studying. Consequently, he studies in library instead waste time in class and gains nothing. In essence, it doesn’t arrest him to get the 1st scholarship, for the studying circumstance outweighs the guidance of teacher for as to his situation.
   As a result, the university should take the situation in to account for the simple reason that every student is different. Thus, finding a good way to adjust to all the students is vital. For example they can provide right for students to select the studying circumstance and teacher by themselves. A functional education is not count the times of students to attend class but search a method which is optimal for them to study.

这篇文章就纠结了很久。。。感觉没啥例子可说。。尝试了下中立的论述。。这算不算啊。。咋感觉有点儿像让步。。然后又死机掰咧的保持中立。。。

回复 9# 的帖子

那个，我没有啥模板。。就是一写就开始中心句+例子。头脑简单。。抒情华丽的份儿来不了。。嘿嘿～～很高兴认识你～～

[url]http://bbs.xiaoma.com/viewthread.php?tid=20813&pid=218580&page=1&extra=page%3D1#pid218580[/url]

[url]http://bbs.xiaoma.com/viewthread.php?tid=20866&pid=218575&page=1&extra=page%3D1#pid218575[/url]

对了
我突然想起个东西忘记给你说了

写作文最好把TOPIC SENTENCE放在第一句
每一段都是

如果感觉写作无从下手
或者是感觉结构混乱
缺乏逻辑

我有个好的方法你可以试下

你写作前先写提纲
比如我想写关于中国教育问题的作文
提纲就这么写

TOPIC:education problems in china
POINT:   1. pay less attention to practice
                    A. we don't know wether we have gained the knowledge from books.
                       EG.....
                   B..........
                       EG........
                  2. .......
                             .
                             .
                             .
LAST: Finally / in my oppinion / in order that ................


然后你再去完善内容
一点一点的加

这样作文就比较有筐架

就比较具体化  

你可以试试

回复 16# 的帖子

谢谢。。能不能帮我改下这篇作文呢～具体问题具体分析～～谢谢啊～你好像很少上网啊。你的作文呢？帮你改

华丽派 结构派... 其实每个人都有自己的写作风格 所谓文无定法 就是这个道理 选择自己喜欢的风格就是自己的风格 TOEFL写作的自由度极大 只要能够自圆其说 论证充分 看看OG就知道TOEFL考察大家什么能力 不管什么风格只要让rater觉得你具备了这种能力就可以了 都是能拿高分的 我个人观点我们是去写考场八股文 不是去应聘作家 华丽如果做不到不用强求

下次发作文 注意格式排版 把自然段分开 便于大家阅读

小艾 谢谢你提供的联结 我去看看 很有用 再次谢谢