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一篇优秀范文 大家一起欣赏

一篇范文 大家一起来欣赏[size=3][color=darkorchid][b]Confucius, the greatest and most influential philosopher and educator of ancient china was quoted in the analects as saying, “human beings are the biggest enemy of the mother Nature.”（名人名言做开头）[/b][/color] These days, some people claim human activity is having tremendous, negative effects on the planet we are lining on. However, other thinks human beings are improving it.[color=indigo][b][color=blue]The way I see it, mankind has caused severe damages to the Earth（逻辑上总起全文）.[/color]
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First of all, human activity causes [color=blue][b]the global warming[/b][/color], which can have negative, perhaps enen disastrous, effect on the environment. [b][color=indigo][color=darkgreen]As we know, modern industry and automobiles rely on fossil fuels, as the major sources of energy. The burning of these fossil fuels increased amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere will increase the ability of the air to keep the sun’s heat. As a result, the global temperatures will rise and lead to the melting of the polar ice and a rise in sea levels. Consequently, large parts of the Earth  will be flooded by sea water[/color][color=darkgreen]（全球变暖的 原因[/color]）.（事例1）[/color][/b] I vividly remember a movie named [color=indigo][b]The Day After Tomorrow[/b][/color]. It is rally fantastic. It talks about the disastrous effects of human activities on the earth. According to the movie, modern industries release tremendous amounts of carbon dioxide rise in global temperature…melting of polar ice New York city is flooded. As the Empire Building is flooded by sea water in the movie, I was really shocked. After I see the movie, My understanding of the consequences of global warming is deepened. (I like to watch movies because movies are not only for fun, but also educating. I can learn scientific fact from them)  [color=purple][b]（事例2）[/b][/color]2 years ago, a particularly sever storm hit my hometown. China scientists believe this pattern of extreme weather is cased severe global warming. The storm caused sever flooding, which left hundreds people dead, thousands wounded and missing. It inflicted heavy damages on the city, leaving tens of thousands homeless, and causing tens of millions of dollars in financial losses[/size]
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  Furthermore, human activity leads to [color=blue][b]acid rain[/b][/color], which can also damage the environment we are lining in. Besides carbon dioxide, the burning of fossil fuels produces other harmful
[color=darkgreen][b]Pollutants, mixed with rain, fall on the ground and form the acid rain. Acid rain severely damages the local ecosystem, leading to the death of water plants and fish（酸雨的形成和危害）[/b][/color]. [color=purple][b]（事例）[/b][/color]In addition, historical buildings, for instance, the forbidden city and Great wall in china, have been damaged by acid rain. Most important, acid rain can endanger people’s health, leading to various diseases.[/size]
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  In addition, huma activity has caused severe [b][color=blue]deforestation[/color][/b]. [color=green][b]（先对现状加以描述引导危害然后举例）[/b][/color]The situation will destroy the balance of the ecosystem and endanger the interests of the human race in the long run. To meet their various needs fo farmland, building materials and industries, human beings cut downvast areas of forests every year. According and industries, human beings cut down vast areas of forests every year. [color=purple][b]（数字做例子）[/b][/color]According to statistics, the tropical rain forests are cut down at a rate of 14 million hectares a year. Without the protection of forests, severe soil erosion happens as result in America, [color=purple][b]（例子）[/b][/color]the famous Dust Bowl happened three times in the 1930s.the similar thing  happened in Beijing. Sand storms have inflicted heavy damages on Beijing in recent years. The sand storms which devastate Beijing every spring have their roots in a La Shen Meng,a district of the inner Mongolia. Devere deforestation has removed the protective plant cover from the topsoil. As a result, tens of millions of tons of sand and topsoil would be carried away into the air. And after traveling thousands of miles, it would darken the skies of Beijing local people’s health, giving rise to various respiratory diseases.

[color=darkorchid][b][color=blue]All in all, human activity has given rise to various problems, such as the global warming, the acid rain and the deforestation[/color].[/b][/color] These problems have inflicted heavy damages on the environment. If human beings fall to take the negative effects of their activity seriously and take effective measures to resolve these problems, their survival will be at risk.

[/size][size=5][color=magenta][b]蓝色部分为全文逻辑框架， 绿色为分析论证  紫色标注的例子是举例论证， 开头孔子的话为亮点， 孔子当然没说过这句话是作者合理创造的[/b][/color][/size]

点击22人竟然没人回，太不厚道了，此贴必顶

有的单词打错了吧？

回复 3# 的帖子

这篇文章是我手打的有不正确的地方望指出

。。。。这到底是求拍还是范文

我感觉，很多语法出现了问题。。。。。。我猜是自己写的把？？

版主，这篇文章开篇引用了孔子的话，但是由于孔子是中国的名人这样的引用在考试当中是不是会不得当，因为对老外来说我瞎编都可以看作是引用，这样会有问题么？

这个就是瞎编的“名人名言”~~~只要语法得当，语境合适~~应该是没有问题的（算是钻空子吧）~~~~桃子担心什么问题？

结构很清晰的一篇文章:)

老外是不是会有被耍的感觉，觉得你就是拿我不知道的文化欺负我~~~呵呵，我是担心这个问题。

你要相信·~~老外没有时间去查孔夫子是否说过这句话·~~~~就像我们很少有人知道莎士比亚一辈子都说过什么话一样~~~~：）
~~~是有点钻空子的说

我觉得很华丽，特别是那个解释气温升高二氧化碳什么的。。。那个（i like to watch movie ...）是怎么回事，很奇怪。

是楼主自己写的吧

回复 12# 的帖子

括号里的是这个例子还可以使用这个观点。

回复 10# 的帖子

孔子是老外非常认可和尊敬的一位中国智者  是我们必考TOEFL写作必备之名人 老外会觉得新奇 点点头似乎学到了什么
好想念史禹老师 当初他就是这么教我们的

回复 13# 的帖子

这篇文章是史禹老师的经典范文之一
谁写的有关系么？
任何人的自己独立写文章都有他独到的地方 任何人的文章都有你知道学习的地方 这就是我批改TOEFL写作半年来的心得