查看完整版本: 第七次强烈求拍！！~~

第七次强烈求拍！！~~

[align=left][align=left][b][font=TimesNewRoman][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]老托第一题，请大家指教~~[/font][/size][/font][/b][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][b][font=TimesNewRoman][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman][/font][/size][/font][/b] [/align][/align][align=left][align=left][b][font=TimesNewRoman][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman]1 People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.[/font][/size][/font][/b][/align][/align][b][size=14pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][/b]
[font=Arial][size=12pt]Study, in terms of its sender and receiver, is an advanced form of mental activity which we human are proudly endowed with. Thus, the purpose of study, especially in college or university, is important for human beings. From my personal angel, it never remains suspicious of the point that people attend college or university for learning abilities, which can be divided into two types.[/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=12pt] [/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=12pt]The first type is obviously the academic ability. It is the academic ability that keeps pushing sciences forward. As known to all, the world will never fail to keep changing. Therefore, a variety of ancient or former knowledge and techniques will not keep pace with times. While, the academic ability will never be obsolete for that it is the ability which is related to how to learn the knowledge. Take the evolution of the operating systems for instance. Most people in 1995 could use the OS of Win95 smooth. When it was 1998, these people were also able to use the Win98 without any introductions. So were the situations of WinXP and Vista. For people having learnt method of controlling OS, rarely inconvenient could they feel whatever the versions changed into.[/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=12pt] [/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=12pt]What is more, the second type is the social ability. University or college is not only a gate to intellectual, but a mimic society as well. Generally, there are many people in universities or colleges, who are all adults. In that case, students in the universities need deal with not only the study but also the relationships with others. In dormitories, students should do the stuff without disturbing others. In libraries, students should read the books without any noises. In classrooms, students should learn the knowledge without hindering others. Thereafter, students learn how to get along well with others. When they are graduated, they will also do well with relationships between themselves and others. [/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=12pt] [/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=12pt]Above all, I take it for granted that people attend college or university to learn these two types of abilities. Learning is not just a process of output and input, but a matter of interactive communication with heart and soul, with mutual understanding and trust, with full of sparks of intelligence.[/size][/font]


[font=Arial][size=12pt]word count: 360[/size][/font]


[font=Arial][size=12pt]PS to 落落：算是转型的文章了~~[/size][/font]


[font=Arial][size=12pt]不知道怎么样，大家使劲拍，谢谢大家了。[/size][/font]

第一个例子当时没仔细考虑，可能不太好，外加顶一下

热情很高·~~赞一个~~~~
我慢慢看

你热情高才是~~我到不是热情高，我是急啊，九月下旬就要考了

第三段 是说上大学能够提高社交能力
首先建议把relationship 改成 communication 前者常只男女之间couple之间的关系 后者更恰当一些
但是例子不太强档  In dormitories, students should do the stuff without disturbing others. In libraries, students should read the books without any noises. In classrooms, students should learn the knowledge without hindering others.
三个例子和社交能力的关系我个人觉得不是很密切 学会不打扰别人不等于你社交能力的提高。 我想你也觉的这个观点 例子不好写 为什么因为你的观点写的太大了 社交能力 太宽泛了 不好写 容易写空 因为写少了说不清楚 写多了时间不够 也没那么大词汇量
我的讲义是可以把social ability 改为 leadership  大学可以培养年轻人的团队意识 属于社交能力 这样例子就好些了 可以举个大家一起做论文的例子 大家一起组队参加比赛的例子 都可以
所以在写分论点的时候不要考虑是否代表了自己真正的观点 而是自己真正有话可说的观点 好写的观点  rater不是看你的观点给分 而是看你是否能把你的观点论证完整充分自圆其说的写作能力  还有就是想论点的时候要尽量想狭义的 不要太广 太大
不是说你的观点不好 而是给你个思路 如果觉得自己的思路不好写 换换思路也不错

9月下旬考还有时间 不要太多争取没写一篇 都有所得 假设考试的时候恰好考了一篇你写过的文章 可是就算你完整的文章的在考场中呈现出来 你能保证他就是满分吗？
没写一篇都要按满分的标准要求自己。 尽最大可能去修改， 修改的过程是进步的过程 而不是你写的过程  写的过程只不过是把优点和缺点一起加深罢了
那么如何修改， 我觉得可以利用李笑来的高分作文 和 戴云讲义中的句子集
用这些来和自己的文章对比 用好的代替不好的 反复的修改 不出10篇 你就会有自己的套路自己的模板的

嗯，感谢版主的拍。会好好按照你说的做的。

然后，我有自己有点不成熟的想法，你看看对不对。

第一，就是第三段那个social ability 我个人觉得不太能算是社交的技能，应该是我们中国所说的处世的能力，所以我现在觉得也确实我的例子用错了，三个排比完全可以把几个方面都说一说，一个是人际关系处理，一个是社交，还有在找一个团队合作什么的。虽然这三个在中文里看似乎重叠，但是，放到英语里，完全可以写成不同的方面，人际关系的处理就是像我这三个例子所说的一样，社交，就是向版主理解的social ability一样，然后团队就是不要有英雄主义，记住自己不是一个人在战斗那方面的，以点带面来全面阐释social ability。

然后第二点，其实例子是用来支持逻辑论证过程的，观点大例子小其实不要紧。观点大，有大的论证办法，但是这个论证的办法可以用很小很细的例子来说明就可以了。就比如，我说内因决定事物的发展，外因影响事物。这是一个普适的大观点，然后我说比如说我自己想了才一定会努力学习，父母说的都只是影响我而已。这个例子很小很细，只是我个人的，但是我只要有这个逻辑关系存在了就行了，说明这个逻辑走的通就行了。所以这里，只要说明学校里确有一些社会上的东西可以让学生学就已经支持了我的观点了。

个人的观点，不知道对不对？

第一次修改以后的文章，放出来，大家接着拍~~黑体字部分是我改动的地方

[font=Arial][size=12pt]Study, in terms of its sender and receiver, is an advanced form of mental activity which we human are proudly endowed with. Thus, the purpose of study, especially in college or university, is important for human beings. From my personal angel, it never remains suspicious of the point that people attend college or university for learning abilities, which can be divided into two types.[/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=12pt] [/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=12pt]The first type is obviously the academic ability. As known to all, the world will never fail to keep changing. Therefore, a variety of ancient or former knowledge and techniques will not keep pace with times. While, the academic ability will never be obsolete for that it is [b]the ability about[/b] how to learn the knowledge. [b]For this reason, though the world is changing, people with this ability can always learn advanced knowledge by themselves. For instance, the versions of the software, Modelsim, which is always used in my major, are often updated. In that case, it proves inconvenient that the teachers teach you every time it updates. However, after being instructed in the method of researching for its introduction, rarely do I need help when use the new versions.[/b][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=12pt] [/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=12pt]What is more, the second type is the social ability. University or college is not only a gate to intellectual, but a mimic society as well. Generally, there are many people in universities or colleges, who are all adults. [b]On this condition[/b], students in the universities need deal with not only the study but also the [font=Arial][b]interpersonal relationship[/b][/font]. In dormitories, students should do the stuff without disturbing others, [b]and they learn consideration[/b]. [b]In games, students should cooperate with others, and they learn teamwork. In association, students should lead others to success, and they learn management. Thereafter, [/b]when they are graduated, they [b]will be more able to communicate with others[/b] in the society.[/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=12pt] [/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=12pt]Above all, I take it for granted that people attend college or university to learn these two types of abilities. Learning is not just a process of output and input, but a matter of interactive communication with heart and soul, with mutual understanding and trust, with full of sparks of intelligence.[/size][/font]

word count:357

第二次的修改，是红色的黑体部分~~~但是个人感觉最后一段的最后两句话没有写好，不知有没有什么建议~~

[font=Arial][size=12pt]Study is an advanced form of mental activity which we human are proudly endowed with. Thus, the purpose of study, especially in college or university, is important for [b][color=red]people[/color][/b]. From my personal angle, it never remains suspicious of the point that people attend college or university for learning abilities, which can be divided into two types.[/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=12pt] [/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=12pt]The first type is the academic ability. As known to all, the world will never fail to keep changing. Therefore, a variety of ancient or former knowledge and techniques will not keep pace with times [b][color=red]no longer[/color][/b]. While, the academic ability will never be obsolete for that it is [b]the ability about[/b] how to learn the knowledge. [b]For this reason, though the world is changing, people with this ability can always learn advanced knowledge by themselves. For instance, the version of the software, Modelsim, which is always used in my major, [color=red]is[/color] often updated. In that case, it proves inconvenient that teachers teach [color=red]students[/color] every time it updates. However, after being instructed in the method of researching for its introduction, rarely do I need help when use the new versions.[/b][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=12pt] [/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=12pt]What is more, the second type is the social ability. University or college is not only a gate to intellectual, [b][color=red]but also a mimic society, in which every student is an adult who can be responsible for his or her behaviors. [/color]On this condition[/b], students need deal with the [b][font=Arial]interpersonal relationship [color=red]besides the study[/color][/font][/b]. [b][color=red]Only in this way can they learn how to get along with others well.[/color][/b] In dormitories, students should do the stuff without disturbing others, [b]and they learn consideration[/b]. [b]In games, students should cooperate with others, and they learn teamwork. In association, students should lead others to success, and they learn management. Thereafter, [/b]when they are graduated, they [b]will be more able to communicate with others[/b] in the society.[/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=12pt] [/size][/font]
[b][font=Arial][size=12pt]In conclusion,[/size][/font][/b][font=Arial][size=12pt] I take it for granted that people attend college or university to learn these two types of abilities. Learning [b][color=red]in university[/color][/b] is not just a process of output and input, but a matter of interactive communication with heart and soul, with mutual understanding and trust, with full of sparks of intelligence. [b][color=red]From this angle, it is no exaggerating to say that graduates with these two abilities are like fish with water, flower with sunshine.[/color][/b][/size][/font]

word count: 384