查看完整版本: 好作文不是写出来的，是改出来的。考试不是creat,是organize

好作文不是写出来的，是改出来的。考试不是creat,是organize

好作文不是写出来的，是改出来的。考试不是creat,是organize-----庄重老师的话
下面是我的第一篇拙作，求大家帮忙修改！

  2008 8-19 -  16:10
[size=5]Thanks to the reforming policy of china since 30 year ago, our country has gained significant development, which shows that the standard of state economic and social progress has been greatly increased. While when come to my town, the life here compared with eastern china town, is still of much less prosperity. So I would hold the proposal that there should be a factory in this town.[/size]
[size=5][/size]
[size=5]First of all ,our town fellow need more opportunities to have work to feed on. Since（this town is of 100 thousand population, 2 percent of it is unemployment because of the reconstruction and adjustment of industry. Building a factory requires a number of labors sent into work, and in the long term, there might be more opportunities for those to access the job in this factory. Thus，the serious problem of unemployment could be solved，and the society will get steady progress.[/size]
[size=5][/size]
[size=5] And second, education should also advance as fast as the economic progress. According to the need of factory, all the workers should be qualified and skillful. Then comes the chance that the job education in town is necessary. There are a few agencies which provide education of computer skills, maintenance skills and so on. In addition, the more improvement of this factory may get, the more skilled job-hunters would be needed. That also means, it is education that can consistently supply capable workers. Therefore, education is developing as well, and which in deed will contribute to the elevation of population quality in my town in turn.[/size]
[size=5][/size]
[size=5]However, what we hesitate is the coincidence of the factory operating ----pollution. The environment is of the most importance for people. As sometimes we never realize it until we lose it, it’s time of us to take such problem in to consideration before we get starting to build a factory. Especially the water should be best protected, for it is the essential of live, including plants, livestock and human.[/size]
[size=5][/size]
[size=5]In conclusion, I agree the proposal that in our town there should be a new factory, while there still a suggestion that the environment protecting should be put in the first place.[/size]
[size=5][/size]
[size=5]17:43
End[/size]
[size=5][/size]

题目是什么？

题目是“是否同意在你家乡建设工厂”

归属于“在你家乡建sth”类
庄重老师一共分了18类，我打算写十八篇
9月28号就考试，现在有些焦虑：（

庄重老师的分类

一、人类需要具备哪些素质：15、18、22、42、46、62、79、93、103、121、166、179
  二、电视与电影（雅思）：7、8、35、57、127、150、180、183

*三、城乡之间：9、20、24
  四、在你家附近建东西：5、16、25、26、30、113
  五、给你资源：6、11、19、32、33、52、95、141、142、147、149、165、177、185
  六、科技（网络）：36、37、49、39、70、73、81、83、84、87、88、100、101、104、140、157、159、167、178
  七、环境（土地）：29、41、56、152、181
  八、旅行： 12、65、74、85、86、106、146、156、171

*九、风险与创新：43、50、51、69、118、122、132
  十、父母与子女的关系：2、60、61、66、114、126、174

*十一、教育问题：1、14、23、68、72、75、76、77、97、102、107、112、116、124、125、113、134、135、137、168、172、175
  十二、人物（不重要）：79、89、90、91、158、162、176
  十三、文化习俗：80、98、109
  十四、健康问题 ：128、130、154、164
  十五、成功：10、27、40、45、53、59、131、148、71
  十六、公司：34、47、48、56、64、67
  十七、经验：4、38、63、108
  十八、个人空间：17、28、44、78、110、111、135、184

我大概的看了一下，有语法错误，楼主可以先用word纠一下错， while when come……while coming就好的
还有就是第二段和第三段的主题句感觉和你要表达的观点联系不紧密。注意美国人的直线思维

我给你找了篇范文，是美国哈佛大学教授写的，和你的题目一样，你看看，希望对你有帮助，也希望你能把你学习的心得写下来。谢谢。（你写下来我就给你加钱钱·~~~）

(1) At present, there are few factories where my friends and family and I live, and the construction of a new one would have both positive and negative effects on our community. (2) Over all, I believe the new factory would give us more advantages than disadvantages.
(3) It is true that building a factory would cause a number of problems, one of the worst of which would probably be pollution. (4) The children and adults of our community love to go for walks in the park and relax on the cozy benches, breathing the fresh air. (5) A new factory would contaminate the living space of most of our city’s inhabitants to some degree. (6) It would also create extra noise and not look attractive.

(7) However, the advantages of a new factory clearly outweigh the drawbacks. (8) The single most important thing the factory would do would be to create jobs. (9) We are in desperate need of economic revitalization. (10) As things stand now, some of the residents of our city lead miserable lives. (11) The homeless rummage through trash cans for food; the laid-off workers have an inadequate income and often cannot meet their rent; and even the well-educated have trouble finding proper work, because the employment rate here is nearly the lowest in the country. (12) New industry would provide a great deal of jobs, since it requires people not just for labor, but for middle and upper management as well. (13) With the opportunities provided by the factory, many residents may lead a more comfortable life. (14) The small amount of economic stimulation from one factory could be just what we need to break this cycle of recession and attract investment from outside.
(15) New businesses and cultural centers could start appearing, none of which pollute.

(16) I am convinced that we would mostly benefit from building a new factory. (17) Though it may pollute our city and cause minor annoyances, it would provide many jobs we badly need, and jobs are the first priority when it comes to quality of life. (18) Employment is a very serious problem in our state, and the government can only do so much to solve the problem. (19) Therefore, I strongly favor erecting a factory near our community to help resolve the difficulty facing our city


其他文章的链接地址：[url=http://bbs.xiaoma.com/thread-19449-1-1.html]http://bbs.xiaoma.com/thread-19449-1-1.html[/url]（许轶满分作文）

学习心得
1.篇首及段首应该直奔主题，不要绕。
2.支持反对型作文，文章内容安排应该是这样的，支持的论述：反对的论述＝3：1
3.文章主体论述部分段首尽量不要first\second\third这样有些生硬。
4.表明个人态度的句子应该灵活多样不要重复。学会I believe\ I am convinced\ I strongly favor

还有一定要积累，学会修改，满分作文是在4－5分作文基础上修改而成的，
so我们要学会自己也把作文修改成高分作文(Horse22

我看你的心得满脸道道的说……

2.支持反对型作文，文章内容安排应该是这样的，支持的论述：反对的论述＝3：1      这个心得很好

你介意再改一下你的文章么~~~~改好我明天给你继续加钱~~~~~~~~~

(Horse22
谢谢落落。
我也打算自己修改一下，明天晚上的火车回北京上学，忙过开学这两天就好了

大家都要加油！

一路顺风哟~~~~~~~~
加油加油·~~~~

P.S 我很学术，就是偶尔水一下(Horse23