查看完整版本: 好不容易写了一篇，大家进来看看吧

好不容易写了一篇，大家进来看看吧

[align=left][align=left][b][font=Arial][size=12pt]Doyou agree or disagree that progress is always good? Use specific reasons andexamples to support your answer.[/size][/font][/b][/align][/align]
[size=13pt]Does progress always benefits to human being? If you have never seenthe homeless and poor people in the countries which invaded by the superpowerwhich own the highest quality weapon, if you have never seen the children whowere addicted to the network game , you would probably not understand that someprogress truly degrade people’s living to some extend.[/size]
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[size=13pt]Generally speaking, there is no doubt that our living become better andbetter contribute to the progress taken place by some science and technologybreakthrough. For example , we acquire news and advertise information though television,it make our living more colorful and rich. we be able to arrive any place inthe world by airplane just in few time. But just as one sword has two blades. Progressis not always benefit people in that way.[/size]
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[size=13pt]now ,there are a number of people in the world still homeless andwander one place to another place. These people leaded a comfortable and stablelife previously. But with the growth of weapon industry in some countries, theybecome aggressive and interfere their neighbor nation and even invade by militarymeans to get more interest. Therefore, we can clearly conclude that just thedevelopment of weapon lead the fight among there nation and deteriorated thepeople’s condition in the victim countries.[/size]
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[size=13pt]Another example is that with the progress of the computer science andinternet technology. the computer games were thrive and increasing numberteenager were addicted to the games .the games do harmful to children in manyaspects .children who indulge in the games can not concentrate on their studyand this may cause they fail in the exams. Meanwhile , children’s vision morelike become defective owing to playing games too much . [/size]
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[size=13pt]To sum up , thought some progress bring so much advantages andconvenience
to us, I exactly don’t agreethe statement that progress is always do good to human being. People shouldmake full use of the helpful aspects of progress but avoid the harm of progress. [/size]

说几条写作原则。
第一，绝对不要用第二人称 you ， 这样老外看起来很不礼貌。
第二， 尽量避免we, I, our, they, their 等代词。 这样显得太过主观。在学术写作中应该用 This is, It is widely acknowledged， There is an opinion,  Ones, people ， Some experts 等等代词。
第三，绝对杜绝格式或拼写错误，这是老外不能允许的。（楼主太多字没有空格）
第四，字数太少，没有时间限制的时候，自己练习至少要写到400字。
第五，请楼主仔细研究下写作框架和结构，我指的是段内结构。比如conclusion的一段，第一句写summary 第二句写 practical implication and proposal第三句写 limitation of the essay 第四句 写 suggestion等等 ， 你需要有自己的框架。

关于结构~~建议看许轶的满分作文，那个里面是哈佛教授做的修改很地道的美式表达。
我签名的第一行的一楼有该书电子版的下载地址。
作文要厚积薄发，积累才有突破~~~~
楼主加油

[quote]原帖由 [i]ChenChenSeven[/i] 于 2008-8-29 01:09 发表 [url=http://bbs.xiaoma.com/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=211901&ptid=20248][img]http://bbs.xiaoma.com/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
说几条写作原则。
第一，绝对不要用第二人称 you ， 这样老外看起来很不礼貌。
第二， 尽量避免we, I, our, they, their 等代词。 这样显得太过主观。在学术写作中应该用 This is, It is widely acknowledged， Th ... [/quote]

你说的第一点，不使用you，但我第一段使用排比句用了you，好像是《10天搞定toefl作文》里面学的呀。那这不推荐使用吗？

楼上，这个是可以这样用的。
但是要注意的是，那个用排比是营造一种氛围，让人不得不设身处地想一想，这样写能够吸引读者，而且，排比是一种修辞手法，是可以拿分。另外那样的写法，并没有强迫的意思，相反是有一些恳求的意味的，就是老在问，你有没有这样过？那样过？，而用在陈述句中有一点凌迫别人的意思。

个人观点，可能不太成熟哦~~:lol

而不多用we I什么的，相信楼主不用人提醒吧，因为张红岩已经说过了的，既然你看了那个书，就该知道的了，当然这不是说不能用，像细节当中，一用 I 反而给人良好的感觉，还是要注意甄别。