查看完整版本: 第一次写，用了7个小时才写这么点东西，真的写哭了。拜托大家拍。。哪怕进来鼓励两句

第一次写，用了7个小时才写这么点东西，真的写哭了。拜托大家拍。。哪怕进来鼓励两句

住small town 还是big city

Obviously, in most cases small town has received preference from those who enjoy a tranquil life, or are tired of the fast tempo of big city. In my opinion, however, I prefer living in a big city because it bears more advantages.

To begin with, living in a big city means high efficiency and convenience. This is one of the main indexes of our life quality. In a big city, you can find the bus and subway lines covering almost all the major parts of city. Due to such well-built transportation system, people can easily and quickly get to any destinations near and far. Thus our travel time and costs are significantly reduced. In a small town, by contrast, the transportation infrastructure might not be as developed as in big cities, and usually leaves much to be desired.

On the other hand, living in a big city also means a superb living standard. Along with the city-centered growth of commerce and economy came a variety of commodities and technologies flowing into cities, especially the metropolis. So it is easier for urban inhabitants to purchase all kinds of things they want, not only necessities, but the luxuries as well. Besides, in a big city, the pay is a relatively more decent than in a small town. Undoubtedly, this can also improve people’s living standards.

Those advocates of small towns may argue that the crowded and hasty city environment caused by overpopulation is full of pressure and not suitable for people to live in. That might be the case. But I enjoy such stress and challenge. To me, it is the competition between people that give me pressure which will in turn change into a kind of power to make progress.

Considering all the factors above, I prefer to live in a big city rather than a small town. Because it can provide more convenience and higher life quality.Although sometimes it needs much energy to overcome pressure from the fast pace, I regard it as a part of city life which has attracted me.

我看了n份讲义资料和范文了。。。一下笔脑子都是空的。看大家破题都那么容易的样子，我照着模板也扣不上个句子呢。。。急死了！921就要考了......作文这么个练法，听力阅读口语都不用练了。。。。。。。。。。。。

Obviously, in most cases small town has received preference from those who enjoy a tranquil life, or are tired of the fast tempo of big city[color=red].（第一句破题太突然了，要是在犹抱琵琶半遮面一点会更好，就是一句话，再瞎扯一点）[/color][color=red] However, in my opinion,[/color] I prefer living in a big city because it bears more advantages[color=red].（because后面的就不要啦，放到后面论述，这样就太急了，别一上来就亮出自己全部的底牌）
[/color]
To begin with, living in a big city means high efficiency and [color=red]convenient[/color]. This is one of the main indexes of our life quality.[color=#ff0000]（这两句合成一句更好一点，因为下面论述的是如何的方便而不是为什么是生活质量的一个重要标准，那么如果放着这么一句话，就显得逻辑上不连贯了；然而不加，似乎又力有未逮。建议用as引导从句做一个定语从句，这样逻辑上既连贯意思上又丰满。）[/color] In a big city, you can find the [color=red]buses[/color] and subway lines covering almost all the major parts of [color=red]the[/color] city. Due to such well-built transportation system, people can easily and quickly get to any destinations near and far. Thus our [color=red]traveling[/color] time and costs [color=red]will be[/color] significantly reduced. In a small town, by contrast[color=red],（by contrast 提前会比较好，逻辑上比较上下对应，类似于一方面，另一方的样子）[/color] the transportation infrastructure might not be as developed as [color=red]that[/color] in big cities, and usually leaves much to be desired[color=red].（段尾要是能够来一句总结，呼应前面的生活质量就更好了）[/color]

On the other hand, living in a big city also means a superb living standard. Along with the city-centered growth of commerce and economy came a variety of commodities and technologies flowing into cities[color=red],[/color] especially the metropolis.[color=#ff0000]（鄙人眼拙不知这话有没有语病，要是没有，这句话绝对是当代城市化的一个方面的写照啊，能敌千言万语）[/color] So it is easier for urban inhabitants to purchase all kinds of things they want, not only necessities, but the luxuries as well[color=red]（not only这话最好不加，因为这个好像是画蛇添足，意思上没有问题，但是就生活态度来说比较有问题，个人观点，呵呵[/color]）. Besides, in a big city, the pay is a relatively more decent than in a small town. Undoubtedly, this can also improve people’s living standards.

Those advocates of small towns may argue that the crowded and hasty city environment caused by overpopulation is full of pressure and not suitable for people to live in. That might be the case[color=red].（这话不够书面，或许可以在前面句子加一个admittedly，那就可以省略这一句话了，这样会更好一点）[/color] [color=red]But to me[/color], it is the competition between people that give me pressure which will in turn change into a kind of power to make progress.[color=red] I enjoy them[/color][color=red].（这样似乎更加流畅）[/color]
Considering all the factors above, I prefer to live in a big city rather than a small town. Because it can provide more convenience and higher life quality.Although sometimes it needs much energy to overcome pressure from the fast pace, I regard it as a part of city life which has attracted me. [color=red]（最后一段要是除了总结和重复以上文字以外再升华一下或许更好）[/color]

以上纯属个人建议，希望对你有帮助。

个人觉得你的开头似乎可以再改进一下。结尾段这样写是可以，但是觉得太中规中矩，如果你想的话，可以在升华一下，如果时间紧，这样也不错。中间的两段觉得你写的比较清新简介，要是能把句子的逻辑和意思再理顺一点，句式能稍有变化一点，觉得就挺好的了。

我觉得第一篇作文能写成这样已经很好了，不用着急，越到后面会越顺的，所以一定来得及。

我也是九月二十一号考，也比较紧张。我是觉得时间反正也就那么点了，急也没用，不如静下心来好好准备，这样反而有效率。总之莫问前程，但行好事，就算对的起良心就行了，不知你意下如何？

Good luck!!

[url]http://bbs.xiaoma.com/thread-19449-2-2.html[/url]
16楼是许轶满分作文的第5篇，和楼主是一个题目，不过他写的是小城市好，楼主有时间，可以去看看的，至少在思路上应该会有很大的提示~~~加油·~~作文需要积累，厚积薄发·~~加油！！！

楼主
加油啊
相信自己
每个人都有很大的潜能
你有梦想吧
为了你的梦想前进啊！！！！！！！！

第一篇文章写成这个样子已经非常好了。
第二篇文章应该会在6个小时之内写完，
第三篇可能只用4个小时
第四篇左右就会只用2个小时。
第五篇就会进入到1.5小时
第六篇开始，你就会很爽了。

啊~~~我现在还在一个小时左右徘徊~~~真羡慕楼上的功夫~~~:'(

加油！一个好的开始=成功的一半！！
我现在也在写呢。一个上午就憋出来一个开头，下午再看，觉得好土啊！！！！一气之下又删掉了。。。你还写出来了呢。。。=。= 比我强

作文这个东西就跟老汤一样，要慢慢熬的。。。

不过貌似真的很艰难~~~

大家互勉加油吧~

呵呵 没事的楼主  我写我第一篇作文的时候用了一周多去决定到底要不要写。。。然后用5天去想写什么题目呢？用3天去想写什么内容呢？用一天去打字。。。。
加油哦(Horse22

谢谢大家。。。真的好感动~
就是心疼时间啊
昨天熬夜把教主的作文课听了一遍，今天再战！