查看完整版本: 第一次写啦~817就考了- - 麻烦大家拍拍吧~~哈~3篇~随便批啦~

第一次写啦~817就考了- - 麻烦大家拍拍吧~~哈~3篇~随便批啦~

[b]161. People remember special gifts or presents that they have received. Why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.[/b]

When we get gifts from our important friends or families, we always treasure the gifts very much and remember them for a rather long time.
Among countless factors which contribute to this situation, three conspicuous aspects are as follows.
One of the primary causes is that the gifts are from people we are familier with or even who we love. Therefore, when we look at the gifts, they comemory the relatives and remind us of the people.
The beauty of the gifts is responsible for this circumstance, as well. Tired at we are, looking at the beautiful present can make us relax. Meanwhile, some presents have special meaning which make us remember them all the time.Take me as an example. Last year on my birthday party, my best friend  sent me a huge beautiful calender. She was going to Germany and wanted me to remember the date when she was not by my side as I always asked her the date. Now, the calender is standing on my desk, waiting me to look at it silently. Each time when I am stressed out, drop my pencil and want to give up, I look up and see the big calender, and I smile. It's just like my friend is waving at me and tell me to keep up, tell me that I still have lots of days to do wonderful things and I cannot just stuck by a tiny problem. With the calender, I conquered a number of difficulties and the calender really means the encouragement from my best friend. How can I forget that?
The unforgettability also results from that the gifts mean a kind of self-provement. Imagine that, if a person is not welcome and not kind, will he receive gifts from others? Definitely no! Given gifts by someone means they like us and they treasure us. It's a proof that we are not bad at making friends and there are someone who love us.
I draw conclusion that these three above are main contributors to our unforgetability of certain presents.

[b][i]Word Count: 342[/i][/b]

[b]179. What are some of the qualities of a good parent? Use specific details and examples to explain your answer.
We are living in a world in which children become more and more important. As far as I think, there are some qualities that parents must have to raise children.[/b]

As a result of the big difference between parents and children, large amounts of kids complain their parents can't understand them. Therefore, in my point of view, the ability to understand the kids should be the first quality for parents. Only by this way can the kids try everything and have more experience. Take me as an example. Once when I was 10 years old, I'm so eager to study musical instrument that I ask my parents to buy me a piano. However, they refused as in their opinion, it is a waste of time and I could not accomplish. After we talked to each other actively, they, though were not willing to, gave in and bought me a piano. Days after days, I practice and practice and finally I even got a prize. From the example, we can find my parents did not understand my intention and finally, in fact, they turned out to be wrong. In sum, understanding children can both make communication better and help children to grow up more quickly.
Meanwhile, it is also very vital to know how to teach kids not only to study but also to live independently. Increasing number of children cannot manage their life well on a camp or after going abroad. It is the parents' responsibility to teach them some living skills and independence.
The third quality that parents should have is to encourage their kids. According to Psychological static, a kid living under encouragement, than the one not, lives better in the future. When encouraged, the children learn what is right and ought to do.
In conclusion, parents should have ability to understand, to teach and to encourage the kids. These, the way I see it, are the three most important qualities parents need to have.

[i]Words count: 327[/i]

[b]44. Some people like to travel with a companion. Other people prefer to travel alone. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.  [/b]

Some people hold the opinion that travelling with a companion is superior to having trip alone. Others, however, contradict travelling with companion. Personally, I would prefer going on a trip with a friend because in my opinion, travelling with a companion can make trip not only more intersting but also more safe.
Travelling with someone can make the trip helpful and safe as when we are in trouble, the companion will always give us a hand. For example, the companion will send us immediatly to a hospital if we have an accident. However, in this case, when travelling alone, we can only hope there are someone to stand out to do us a favor.
Another reason why I advocate the attitude of travelling together is that it can save a lot of money. For instance, when we are living in a hotel, it will definitly be much cheaper to live with your friend in a standard two-man room as he or she can pay half of money.Meanwhile, when you have a dinner with someone can share the cost, it must be a relief of burden.
Moreover, a very strong argument for the first opinion on travelling is that it can bring a lot of fun! Sitting in a cafe and talking about intersting stuffs with two cups of coffee with your travelling friend in a new city is obviously relaxing. Mencius, a great philosopher of ancient China once said: Enjoying the happiness of music alone is less intersting than with others. In fact, it's the same for travelling! Therefore, travelling with someone besides us would be more enjoyful.
Nevertheless, of course, choosing travelling alone also has advantages, such as being able to feeling the thrill to be in a new place without having discomfort that could possibly happen when together.
But if all these factors are complied, the advantages of the trip with others carry more weight than those of the trip with oneself. From what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that travelling together can have more fun and less troubles.

[i]Word Count: 346[/i]

[[i] 本帖最后由 shandyl 于 2008-8-7 22:18 编辑 [/i]]

谢谢大家啦~~~小女文章比较啰嗦~麻烦各位啦~

啊……被弄下去饿……顶上来……话说谢谢各位大侠啦~哪怕改一点都好啊~俺这就考了- -
话说这下面的是我今天改第一个166的那个的~谢谢啦~


After getting special gifts from our important friends or families, we always treasure the gifts very much and remember them for a rather long time. Among countless factors which contribute to this situation, three conspicuous aspects are as follows. One of the primary causes is that the special gifts are from people who are special to us, like who we love. Therefore, the gifts, for instance, some from our parents, are commemorating both the love and who we love. As well, the beauty of the gifts is responsible for this circumstance. Tired as we are, looking at the beautiful present can make us relax and pleased. Meanwhile, some presents have special meanings which make us remember them all the time. Take me as an example. Last year on my birthday, my best friend, who is leaving for Germany, sent me a huge beautiful calendar to remind me of the date when she was not by my side as I always asked her for the date before. Now, the calendar is standing on my desk. Each time when I am stressed out, drop my pencil and want to give up, I look up and see the big calendar, and I smile because it's just like my friend is waving at me and tell me to keep up, tell me so many days and wonderful things are waiting for me so I cannot just stuck by a tiny problem. With the calendar, I conquered innumerable difficulties. The calendar really means the encouragement from my best friend. How can I forget that? The remembrance to the gifts also results from self-proof meaning from the gifts. Imagine that, if a person is hatred by others, will he receive any gifts? Definitely no! Given gifts by others means they value us. Not only do they prove our attractiveness but also inform us there is someone loving us. In conclusion, we can remember special gifts because the people who send them are special, the beauty of the gift and also, the meaning of being loved.

顶一个，支持你

回复 3# 的帖子

看了你的文章鉴于你8.17就考试了！ 我想说一下结构的问题
首先是开头第一篇开头太短，首段就只有这一句,自称是开门见山.实际上这样写作的考生并不理解,题目种的问题只是一个借口,回答问题并不需要这样紧迫.这种“抢答式”开头的弊端在于过于简洁,放弃了对题目的必要重述和表现自己写作水平的机会.
开头要写的更有条理， 更精彩， 因为他是rater看的最仔细的部分， 一定要抓住这个机会而第二篇的开头有太冗长看不出是开头！  TOEFL也可以看成美国学术作文的八股文对结构的要求很严格！ 第三篇的开头就比较标准但是没有亮点！ 可以加点名言， 加上一些背景分析， 或者一些排比疑问句效果会更好， 因为你马上考了 我觉得最后1，2天可以重点练练开头， 背一些经典的开头！ 开头绝对重要， 值得最后突击一下！
至于后面的论述部分我对你的意见和戴云的黄金法则差不多。 争取为每个论点都写个例子， 争取每个例子都有细节， 这样争取做到论证充分。 比如第二篇的最后三段， 三段都特别的短就2句话， 都说的很不到位， 个人感觉刚开了个头就结束了。 还不如集中精力把三个自然段的篇幅改成一个大的论述充分， 有例子和细节的一个段落会好很多

总之 后天加油！ 切记写好开头

回复 5# 的帖子

谢谢谢谢啊~！！！帮大忙了~！了解~我会注意的~~
那个……还想问一下……要是后面加例子的话不会字数太多么……还是举那种小例子一两句话带过但是把细节啥的有意突出出来？

回复 6# 的帖子

要尝试写出细节， 细节是能够体现你写作水平的地方！给你个例子

Without Details
To begin with, modern communication means are more convenient and effective than face-to-face communication. For instance, it is more convent to use a cell phone to inform somebody of something than telling him in a face-to-face manner.

With Details
For starters, modern communication means are more convenient and effective than face-to-face communication. For instance, (Last Monday), (one of my friends and I) ;planned to watch (a Hoolywood blockbuster)together, (Casino Royale). I was supposed to meet him (6 o'colck) at the (McDonald's near the theater). However, just before I went out (at 5:30), an emergency happened: (I got aphone call from my boss-I had to bring some legal papers to him at the office Right Now!) I had to inform my friend that i couldn't make it on time and he had to wait for me alittle longer . What did ido?  Instead of going down there and tell him in a face-to-face manner, I told him over the cell phone. By using a modern communication tool, I saved time.

()里面是细节。 你可能会觉得有点罗嗦， 可是rater不这么想， 他会觉得首先你的单词量很大， 其次你很好的发展了自己的论点， 让人觉得他可信， 你说的一两句的例子， 很难那， 以你目前的水平很难把它发展的很充分！  而且这样写会让你有别于其他千千万万用模板写出来的空洞的文章， 令rater感到新鲜， 综合以上rater 会认为你的写作 水平很高从而给你非常高的分数， 而你无非是多谢了些细节而已！
写的多不如写的精！ 草草的写了3段， 细节少， 论证不充分的段落不如写上2段富有细节和例子的论证充分的段落

回复 7# 的帖子

厄……这样的话字数不是得超过400了灭- -
我原来作文是这样写得- - 然后吧……恩……话说字数多了rater不会:Q 么……

对了……话说许轶满分作文后面的6分我看了- - 我是看了那个才觉得没写细节的……完了……我彻底糊涂了……那里面都是说理文……

写吧.我还不会说句子呢.还好我又要出国了.

回复 9# 的帖子

TOEFL作文的自由度极大只要能够自圆其说都是可以的
那本书我也看了 后面的文章都是专家写的！ 人家的写作水平摆在那里， 另一方面人家是老外， 写出地道的美式学术说理文章是很容易的！ 可是对于我们这些中国考生， 文章通篇全是说理， 很难！ 第一说理需要大量单词量而且是抽象的单词作为基础。 第二， 说理对于逻辑的要求特别严格 要符合英式逻辑。 第三， 说理文章要求很高的写作水平， 对于写作水平一般的TOEFL考生（考过GRE的除外）， 常常遇到的问题是自己有很好的观点和道理可是说不明白！ 常常在考场憋的一头大汗却写不出多少字！

回复 8# 的帖子

为什么字数多 rater会觉得恶心？ 字数多说明你的写作能力强！ 同样在30分账别人写300你能写500 这本身就是实力的体现
戴云的黄金法则曾云： 字数the more the better
你有许秩的这本书， 可是你知不知道书中介绍的栽赃法， 就是在我们如果不能把文章的质量提高上来的话， 可以在字数上来弥补， 这就是这本书提到的栽赃法。
考试的时候如果说理感觉不好的话， 就多说例子和细节， 我们中国诗的说理有的时候老外看不懂， 再加上语言的出入， 实在不好写， 挺难的。 再次强到TOEFL写作的自由度极大， 重点在能够自圆其说

恩恩~！了解到~谢谢谢谢~明天我会努力照着做的~

回复 13# 的帖子

期待你的好消息

哈哈:lol

暑假上了个新东方,老师也提过 the more ,the better~