查看完整版本: 一篇新手作文，求拍

一篇新手作文，求拍

Do you think it is better to work with people or work alone?

“No one is an island, entirely himself.” This motto obviously shows the importance of  team work. In my point of view, it is better to work with others than work alone.

Working with others makes people become more competitive. A team is often consisted of people with different quality and ability. By working with others, everyone in the team can easily identify his/her ascendants and shortages. This situation provides a chance for everybody to modify their ability and attempt to supersede others’ position. A example vividly indicates this situation: In a sports team,, all the athletes train together. Nearly everyone attempt to train as hard as s/he can because s/he is eager to lead the top. This strategy makes the whole team competitive and potential.

What’s more, working with others makes people work more confidently. Although competition always exists in a team work, cooperation is always the main stream. In the 17th century, the early capitalists find their workers more relaxed and diligent when working with others. Working together makes spiritual symphony among people and lead them a more confident emotion. This is the most important factor to improve people’s working quality.

Last but not least, working with people is a trend in the modern society. Today is an efficient world and we cannot work entirely“by ourselves”. In today’s condition, no chance will give the people who are willing to separate themselves from the main society and work alone. Any person that dream to be a hermit like Robinson is childish and ridiculous.

As a conclusion, it is apparent that team work and cooperation can improve our capability. If we work alone and spare no interest in the outside world, the current society will not allow us to amplify our outstanding talents.

[[i] 本帖最后由 无影猫踪Q 于 2008-7-15 08:08 编辑 [/i]]

新来写作课堂的小马请看这里[url]http://bbs.xiaoma.com/thread-3521-1-1.html[/url]

[size=3]What are the important qualities of a good son or daughter ?Have these qualities changed ar remained the same over time in your culture ?
[font=Times New Roman] [size=4] There is no denying that parents are the important person in our life .They educate us from right to wrong and give us the life. As their children what are the important qualities of a good son or daughter ?
   In my view the foundation one is the important one ,you should have grateful heart . The parents give us life ,if no them ,we couldn't  feel the air ,the flower ,the happyness ,the despired and so on .So we should be  grateful  to them for all these things .Sometime good son or gaughter should help their parents to clean the house ,wash the cloth and wash the bowl  because they always too tired .
  The another aspect of being a good child is to be respect .sometime your parents may make mistake or misunderstand you ,no matter he(she) is right or wrong you should respect them and their decision .Don't shout at them loudly .If you do that you must hurt their heart . Before you make some desicion you should talk with them , that means you belive them and trust them .They will feel happy about that .
  Moreover understant them all the time .Although they are adult there are also something they couldn't do and somtime they may have more troubles .Try to undersand them although you don't help them to solve the problem, you can give them a warm and comfortable envrioment to make them forget the upset in their office or stress in the society .   
   At last I don't think these qualities will changed in our culture .They are the good virtue in our countries in a long time .Our ancestors have these virtues and then hand them down  from one generation to another .We'll keep these troditional qualities and set a good example to our children in future[/size][/font][/size][size=4] .
[/size][size=3]lz 这是我的作文，我感觉写得很不好，基本第一次写，但为了提高，厚脸皮发上，咱先互改一下吧！我先睡了，明天看你的，别怪我水平差哈(Horse22 [/size]

[[i] 本帖最后由 素不相适 于 2008-7-15 00:05 编辑 [/i]]

[size=4][font=Times New Roman][color=red]There i[/color]s no denying that parents are the important person in our life .（[color=red]托福中最好不要用there be句型[/color]）They 【educate us from right to wrong】（[color=red]teach us right from wrong是不是更和语感？[/color]） and give us [color=red]the（不知是否妥当）[/color] life（[color=red]lives？[/color]）. As their children [color=red]，（前置状语和主句间最好用逗号隔开）[/color]what are the important qualities of a good son or daughter ?
   In my view the foundation （[color=red]one is the important one？[/color]） ,you should have （[color=red]a[/color]）grateful heart . The parents give us life ,[color=black]if no them（[color=red]without them[/color]）[/color] ,we couldn't  feel the air ,the flower ,the happyness ,the [color=red]despired（用名词形式）[/color] and so on .So we should be  grateful  to them for all these things（[color=red]不知是否用reasons[/color]) .Sometime good son or [color=red]d[/color]aughter should [color=red]help[/color] their parents [color=red]to[/color] ([color=red]最好用help...do的习惯句式）[/color]clean the house ,wash the cloth[color=red]es[/color] and wash the bowl  because they are always too tired .
  The another aspect of being a good child is to be respect[color=red]ful[/color] .sometime your parents may make mistake[color=red]s[/color] or misunderstand you ,no matter he(she) is right or wrong you should respect them and their decision .Don't shout at them loudly .If you do that you must hurt their heart[color=red]s[/color] . Before you make some desicion[color=red]s[/color] you should talk with them , that means you beli[color=red]e[/color]ve them and trust them .They will feel happy about that .
  Moreover ，（[color=red]无代词[/color]）understand them all the time .Although they are adult[color=red]s[/color] there are also something they couldn't do and somtime they may have more troubles .Try to undersand them although you don't help them to solve the problem, you can give them a warm and comfortable envrioment to make them forget the upset in their office or stress in the society .   
   At last I don't think these qualities will changed in 【our culture】（[color=red]不知是否跟文化有没有关系[/color]） .They are the good virtue [color=red]（父母是virtue？）[/color]in our countries in a long time .Our ancestors have these virtues and then [color=red]hand[/color] them [color=red]down（最好用固定搭配）[/color]  from one generation to another .We'll keep these tr[color=red]a[/color]ditional qualities and set a good example to our children in future[/font] .[/size]
[size=4][/size]
[size=4]我水平很低，冒昧的改了一下。如果写长一点更好。
最好能够再充实一下每个分论点的论据，展开说。
最好能够有一些实例。
恳请你不吝拍一下我的作文。

[/size]

[[i] 本帖最后由 无影猫踪Q 于 2008-7-15 08:12 编辑 [/i]]

[size=4]“No one is an island, entirely himself.” This motto obviously shows the importance of  team work. In my point of view, it is better to work with others than work alone. [/size]
[size=4]Working with others makes people become more competitive. A team is often consisted of people with different quality and ability. By working with others, everyone in the team can easily identify his/her ascendants and shortages. This situation provides a chance for everybody to modify（[color=red]enhance 感觉是提高能力）[/color]their ability and attempt to supersede others’ position（[color=red]reach a higher position[/color]我感觉好点）. A example vividly indicates this situation: In a sports team,, all the athletes([color=#ff0000]to be trained )[/color] train together. Nearly everyone attempt to train as hard as s/he can because s/he is eager to lead the top. This strategy makes the whole team competitive and potential. [/size]
[size=4]What’s more, working with others makes people work more confidently. Although competition always exists in a team work, cooperation is always the main stream. In the 17th century, the early capitalists find([color=red]found[/color]) their workers more relaxed([color=red]industrious)[/color] and diligent when ([color=red]they were 定于从句中主语不能省吧）[/color]working with others. Working together makes spiritual symphony among people and lead them a more confident emotion. This is the most important factor to improve people’s working quality. （[color=red]感觉论据有点牵强，17世纪资本家的例子乍一看让人觉得还是提高竞争力，而后面就直接得出结论。合作应该是提高效率，因为开始说每个人都不是孤立成岛的，那么合作就能使他们进行互补，找到更多的信息，干更多的工作）[/color][/size]
[size=4]Last but not least, working with people is a trend in the modern society. Today is an efficient world and we cannot work entirely（[color=red]thoroughly单词重复）[/color]“by ourselves”. In today’s condition, [color=blue]no chance will give the people who are willing to separate themselves from the main society and work alone. Any person that dream to be a hermit like Robinson is childish and ridiculous[/color].（[color=red]As we all know that if  you are able to  cooperate with others is one of the important criterion of  the  elite in the well-known company[/color])  [/size]
[size=4]As a conclusion, it is apparent that team work and cooperation can improve our capability . If we work alone and spare([color=red]share…with[/color]）  no interest in the outside world, [color=blue]the current society will not allow us to amplify our outstanding talents(没太理解）.[/color][/size]
[size=4]也是根据自己想法改的主要问题[/size]
[size=4]1我认为思路不清[/size]
[size=4]a提高竞争力b使人自信（可以改成提高效率）c当前社趋势[/size]
[size=4]2词语句式重复出现如make 句式，entirly[/size]
[size=4]问题也是我身上的问题呵呵。[/size]
[size=4]要是那该的不对，欢迎和我交流[/size]