查看完整版本: 偶的第一次，狂拍

偶的第一次，狂拍

[font=Times New Roman]001 People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]There are varieties of period in a person's life, and I think the period of attending university or college is an important one.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]First of all, university is the source of knowledge. With faculties' instruction, we could learn it effectively and directly, which could be a basic skill for living. And in the campus, we could study more hard because our classmates are studying hard at the same time. Furthermore, library provides us a place to get contact of modern science and technique while laboratory provide a place to experiment our ideas. [/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Secondly, there is a huge flat for communication with different people in the campus. In our university, so many activities are there that we can easily to make friends with each other. What is more, the students come from different regions of our nation even aboard, which means a opportunity to make acquaintance of different culture. For the reason that campus life is so happy that the friendship set up during it is so close and there are countless examples that a bunch of buddies still could remember each other after many years separation. [/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Finally, universities also help us growing. Since we have to deal with lots of things independently, we practice our abilities to survive such as cooking, being compatible with roommates, and well communicating etc. Thus, in campus, and step by step, we learn to know how to value others work and distinguish right and wrong, good and bad. These are our wealth throughout our whole life.
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[font=Times New Roman]In conclusion, university is of importance in our life and everyone must take care of it.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]我改的帖子[url=http://bbs.xiaoma.com/viewthread.php?tid=17796&page=1&extra=page%3D1]http://bbs.xiaoma.com/viewthread.php?tid=17796&page=1&extra=page%3D1[/url][/font]

[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]感谢楼主主动批改其他小马的作文[/size][/font]


[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]我试着改了楼主的前两段，希望能给你点启发[/size][/font]
[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]The[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]re are varieties of period in a person's [color=black]life, and I think [u]the period of attending university or college[/u] [/color][color=red]([/color][/size][/font][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]表达有些生硬[/size][/font][/color][color=red][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt])[/size][/font][/color][color=black][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]is an important one.[/size][/font][/color]
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First of all, [u]university is the source of knowledge[/u]. [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][color=red][size=10.5pt](university[/size][/color][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][color=red]本身不是知识吧，只是可以提供知识[/color]），[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] university can provides a higher level of education)[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] With [u]faculties'[/u][color=red] (the professor’s) [/color]instruction, we could learn [u]it[/u] [color=red](it[/color][/size][/font][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]指代什么呢[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt], knowledge[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]不能用[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]learn[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]吧[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt], [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]应该[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]acquire [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]或[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt][color=red]get knowledge)[/color] [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][color=blue][size=10.5pt]<more>[/size][/color][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]effectively and directly, which could be a basic skill for living. [u]And[/u] in [u]the[/u][color=red]([/color][/size][/font][font=宋体][color=red][size=10.5pt]去掉[/size][/color][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt][color=red])[/color] [/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]campus, we [u]could study more hard[/u] [color=red]([/color][/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][color=red]不能这样表达[/color][font=Tahoma][color=red])[/color] [/font]，[/size][/font][u][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]because[/size][/font][/u][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt] [color=red]([/color][/size][/font][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这里的[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]because[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]前后逻辑上不存在直接的因果吧[/size][/font][/color][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt][color=red])[/color] [u]our classmates are studying hard at the same time.[/u][color=red] (should work harder on our courses to catch up with other students) [/color][/size][/font]
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[font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt][color=red][color=#000000][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]楼主的字数太少了，作文论证一定要充分，还有要引入例子来充实内容[/size][/font][/color]
[color=#000000][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]有些地方的表达欠妥，要多看范文， 加强练习[/size][/font][/color]
[color=#000000][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]戴云教主的黄金法则[/size][/font]
[font=宋体][size=10.5pt]字数[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]the [/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]多[/size][/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]er the better[/size][/font][/color]
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[color=#000000][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt][url=http://bbs.xiaoma.com/thread-15828-1-1.html]http://bbs.xiaoma.com/thread-15828-1-1.html[/url][/size][/font][/color]
[color=#000000][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]这是写作课堂的大家一起写的内周作文汇总贴，可以跟着这里给出的题目，一起写作[/size][/font][/color][/color][/size][/font]

[[i] 本帖最后由 eagledoudou 于 2008-7-13 16:54 编辑 [/i]]