查看完整版本: 第一次求拍，大家不用照顾我面子，使劲拍

第一次求拍，大家不用照顾我面子，使劲拍

Many students choose to attend schools or universities outside their home countries. Why do some students study abroad? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer.


Studying abroad means you have to live far from home, means you are exposured to a totally different climate, means you have to overcome the language problems and means you have to deal with the unfamiliar culture. However, it is true that the number of people who choose to study abroad increases dramatically these years. People choose to study abroad because they want a better education, because they want to learn a foreign language and because they want to because more globalized.

People go to a foreign school or university because they want to have a better education. In developing countries, for instance in China, the education levels are low; students in many areas are forced to go abroad to gain the knowledge they like, although they may suffer from alien cultures. For example, I am a finance major students. If I want to pursuit a research career, I have to go abroad to study because the finance education is premitive and the environment is not suitable.

People want to study abroad also because they want to master a foreigh language. In China mastering a foreign language, especially English, is becoming more important than ever before; whoever is bilingual can get a much higher pay, even a bilingual servant can have this benifit. Learning outside can exposure oneself   
fully in a foreign language and it is said the best way to learn a language.

Finally, people want to study abroad because they are interested in a countries clture and want to get more globalised. We cannot understand a country's culture comprehensively only by books and movies, without personal interation with its people. Also, studing abroad can make us understand the world more. Each country has its own aspect to experience the world. With the communication of other countrie' life, we will get  more globlised.

In summary, people want to learn outside because they want to have a better education, learn a foreign language and have a better understanding of the world.

1. 开头很好, 结构是很标准的, 继续用下去, 但拼写, 用词要注意, 比如expose 和exposure, 还有最后那3个because,啰嗦了,改一改

2. because the finance education is premitive and the environment is not suitable. 这句话没说清楚,哪的finance education呢? 国内的? 国外的? 为什么呢? 师资, 设备? 你具体谈一谈, 就会好很多. environment is not suitable这句话也一样, 其实什么都没有说, 什么是environment呢? 为什么不suitable呢? 词不能用大的, 外国人写句子很在乎意思的精准, 和中国人的大而化之不一样的.

3.Learning outside can exposure oneself fully in a foreign language and it is said the best way to learn a language. 这里也需要多写点, 你要说明的是"去国外可以帮助学英语", 你整个段,其实说白了就这一句话和这个中心有关, 前面的关于学英语的重要性,其实是可有可无的, 没有它不影响你的段落逻辑,有的话锦上添花. 如果你只写一句去国外学英语的好处, 而且停留在抽象层面(比如best way to learn a language), 你觉得这个能算是论证充分了么?

4. 你的globalize我不知道是个什么概念, 全球化和学生能有什么联系?? 此外,这段依旧是这个问题,论证不到位, 比如说你的观点就可以简单概括为 "学生去国外学习是想了解那的文化, 因为光看书和电影,不接触那的人没办法了解一个国家的文化. " 前一句,后一句都没有问题,可是两句有关系么? 其实少了一个关键的 "去国外学习, 我们就可以和那的人做这样那样的接触", 这句话没有, 你去国外学习, 和了解文化没法联系在一起. 这句话才是你真正要展开来说的, 在国外你可以过很多有趣的生活, 有很多与国外人和社会接触的机会.

所以我推荐你, globalize这个观点去掉,就只谈一谈 "了解文化", 用些例子, museum, 和family life等等. 这样你要说的东西就有内容了.

5. 结尾很规矩, 但是不要照抄你的论题, 做些同义词变换, 再加上一些展望, 写个3,4句话.

个人观点, 欢迎批评指正.

多谢了。
非常仔细和认真。