查看完整版本: 谁能帮着给作文打一下分啊， 感激不尽

谁能帮着给作文打一下分啊， 感激不尽

我写的第一篇toefltoefl文章，谁能帮看看呀？
Seeing cars passing by, breathing the smoke constantly, I suddenly understand that gasoline, petroleum, though non-renewable resource they are, will not be replaced by the new renewable resource because of their market share.

Everybody knows that renewable resource is better to the environment, but its drawback is also as obvious as its benefit that its cost of production is so high that enable little competitiveness to fight with the fuel resource. The cost of researching a new resource, the cost of manufacture and the cost of transportation are all hard problem facing the new resource. With those problems ahead, renewable resource can never win in the contestation.

More importantly, people must see the cost to construct enough facilities for client to use the new resource. People can buy petroleum and gasoline at any station they want, but if to support a new kind of resource, people also have to employ the same number of stations with equipments to keep from fire, professional personnel to manage the equipment and enough money to support the operation. The stations for fuel resource were the result of years of construction, so, in the same way, the station for the new resource also need, at least, the same time to complete all the establishment in that the new resource have to develop in the shade of fuel energy.

People often see that fuel energy should be preserved to some inevitable use, that if can be replaced by another kind, fuel energy should be replaced. But they fail to see that some fuel resources, such as coal, have so low a quality that can be only used to do some low-requirement work.. If people need low cost for the low requirement use, they have to use coal.

In conclusion, we can easily understand that fuel resource, despite their bad effect on environment;, still have their way to exist to satisfy the market.

谁帮着看一下呀？

:) :) :)
初来乍到，不免冒昧。 看了下LZ的作文，粗鄙的作下评论，望LZ见谅。 呵呵呵

首先，我揣测LZ的词汇量一定够了，但是说实在的，似有堆砌词藻的感觉，本来词汇是 links of chain possessing the effect to strengthen the fabric and embellish the structure， 但是LZ的作文并没有这种感觉。

其次，文章的语法错误还是不少的，所以看起来也挺费尽的，这说明作文是个慢功夫，基础最重要。

最后，感觉LZ的句式并不是很好，这其实也和语法是联系在一起的，所谓句式的变换甚至铿锵有力是建立在多读，多看，多练的基础上的，所以这个还是要平时积累。

所以，我推荐看下GMAT的北美范文精讲，那本书虽然很摧毁自信，但是in the long run效果还是很不小的。

恩，废话了这么多，希望楼主不要见怪，我也是一介菜鸟，LZ要有什么不爽的地方，就当没看见好了。:) :) :)

回复 3# 的帖子

首先谢谢楼上的朋友。  我问下能不能所说哪些是语法错误?
还有if can be replaced by another kind, fuel energy should be replaced.这句话对不对，if可以这么用吗？

不好意思那句话我不是很明白 如果我来写的话 可能会是这样
:) Granted, under certain circumstances, fossil energies , consisting of coal, gasoline and gas, develope into an integral and indispensable portion of fuel-consumption on the whole, particularlt the alternative fuels are at hand.

仅供参考