查看完整版本: 幻术! 都是幻术...... 大家看看吧~~~

幻术! 都是幻术...... 大家看看吧~~~

前两篇虽然磕磕碰碰 但总算都按时写出来了
使我产生错觉  以为自己 可以限定写了
只要减少错误

但    原来一切是     幻术!  
今天这篇 40多分钟
惨呼  而且写得还很不行,,,,, 结构也不是平时的结构了  写成这两坨的结构主要是想不出东西 写一面不怎么好写
但练习中出现问题好过考试中发现问题  还是乐观下......

大家帮忙看看哈  先谢了~~
看朋友犯错误还是做有可能损害友谊的建议?


[size=10.5pt][size=5]As the fast development of the world, friendship plays more vital part in people's life. It has long been a fascinating theme discussed by many people in history. However, the controversial debate today is whether we should let our friends make mistake or do something that may destroy the friendship. [/size]
[size=5] [/size]
[size=5]For one thing, as the proverb says, "Mistake teaches people an essential lesson". As for that, if my friends make some small mistakes will not exert great harm to them, while could teach them a lesson and make them do better next time. I will choose let them make these mistake. Just take my friend Li as an example, he is always forgetful and usually left things. So one day, when he goes out for lunch, but left his pocket in the room. To teach him a lesson, I do not remind him to take it. Things going on as my thought, twenty minutes later, he comes back as a result of lack of money for meal. From that time, he becomes more careful about everything. I am glad that I help him to overcome this bad habit.[/size]
[size=5] [/size]
[size=5]For the other, I will never let my friend make serious mistake even that may dest[color=red]ro[/color]y our friendship. Because I consider what makes a good friend who is tell the truth. If my friends face with some choice or difficulties, they need my advice, suggestion and guidance. I will do my best to help them. Confucius, one of the greatest philosopher and teacher, he clings that even one mistake, can cause people regret forever. So, it is no doubt that if my friends make a serious mistake, surely do they have irrecoverable damage, even left a [color=red]scar [/color]in whole life. As their friend, it is my respons[color=red]i[/color]bility to prevent these happen.[/size]
[size=5] [/size]
[size=5]In a sum, it is easy to draw the conclusion that I prefer to hold my opinion that prevent my friends from mistake. Obviously, some mistake may ben[color=red]e[/color]ficial for them, but something is unpredi[color=red]c[/color]table, we can not take a risk when it is relevant to our friend's future. So, I still cling to my point.[/size]
[/size]

文章的开头和结尾很好，尤其是结尾。。。
但首段的最后一句我觉得有问题撒，"However, the controversial debate today is whether we should let our friends make mistake or do something that may destroy the friendship. "
whether 是否应该换成if啊
第二段的时态紊乱，觉得第二段的举例不是很说明问题。可以换作对第三段举例，一来比较容易说明问题，论证论据，二来，文章就更为充实饱满。

只是我个人的看法撒
只供参考

是写得很乱......
第2段我再看看~~~
时态一直是个问题.....
谢了哈~~~