查看完整版本: 我写的5.17的作文 大家帮忙看看 多谢！

我写的5.17的作文 大家帮忙看看 多谢！

大概听考完的同学说了下题目 还是中文叙述的 所以就大概写了下 感觉比较糟糕 请大家多多批评 我6.7考 状态还没有 :Q
[font=Times New Roman][size=4]Every year, thousands and thousands of movies are made in the film industry; some of them are of profound meanings, either to reveal specific social problems which have accumulated for a long time, or to explore deeply into the character’s mind. Yet some movies are just for entertainment which can giggle the audiences’ funny bone and help them get relaxed. Different types of movies cater to various demands of the spectators. As far as I am concerned, serious movies with something really expressed are more favorable.[/size][/font]
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Movies, although commonly recognized as a product of mass entertainment, are actually an art form in the essence. This particular art form combines visual aesthetics, photography perspective and skills and a profound theme together. In my opinion, only with the three factors, can a movie bring and leave something to the society and the industry, thus valuable. Serious movies always enjoyable because every time I watch them, they make me contemplate what profound meanings lie in the movie that I don’t bother watching them once again. In this way, by tasting and feeling the movie and the director with my heart and soul, rather than in the intention of killing time, I enjoy the unique beauty of this art form.[/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=4]Secondly, serious movies with something to present can give people strength and inspiration. For example, The Redemption of Shawshank, a movie I went though for 3 times has helped me get though the tough time. The main character Andy, an intellectual banker who has been falsely put into prison for a 20-year penalty, never loses hope and belief in freedom and at last he manages to break the prison and regains his normal life. He always says that hope is a good thing. This has become the motor for me and guided me though the darkness, for I still have faith in myself when I think of the movie and Andy. This is how a good movie cast influences on people and it’s much more valuable than those just entertain you.[/size][/font]
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[font=Times New Roman][size=4]Admittedly, some funny movies function well as time killer and amusement tool which make people delighted. However, serious movies not only perform as a gorgeous art form but also leave the space for the audiences to think and imagine or raise an ignored topic for them to pay attention to. Thus, from my point of view, serious movies are preferable.[/size][/font]

[font=宋体][size=13.5pt]你的语言很不错，语言很好，而且词汇量，阅读量也大。但是作为一个阐述观点的文章，能否离自我的距离再远一些，用一种更中性，更理性的观点来说明问题，就更好了[/size][/font][size=13.5pt]. I, me, my……[/size][font=宋体][size=13.5pt]这样的词汇在文章中尽量少用。[/size][/font][size=13.5pt][/size]
[font=宋体][size=13.5pt]虽然这样，你这篇文章仍然是一篇不错的文章。[/size][/font][i][/i]

回复 2# 的帖子

我只是猜想 它原文是不是有which one do you prefer的 那这种情况我应该是本着自我主义 我的观点就是对的 还是这一种： 【你们要看那些低级肤浅的电影我不管 反正我是觉得还是有主题的电影好】我的文章里面是透露后一种观点的

望达人指教！跪谢~

回复 2# 的帖子

我只是猜想 它原文是不是有which one do you prefer的 那这种情况我应该是本着自我主义 我的观点就是对的 还是这一种： 【你们要看那些低级肤浅的电影我不管 反正我是觉得还是有主题的电影好】我的文章里面是透露后一种观点的

望达人指教！跪谢~

没人理我了:'(

楼主的观点没什么问题, 观点不是重点,重点是你如何证明你的观点是对的, rater将根据你在论证过程中所体现的各种能力给你打分.

我的意思是 文章中我是阐述“我”的观点 是否应该减少“me”“i”“myself”这样的词~大家指教下啊

觉得lz的语言特好！佩服啊:)