查看完整版本: 浪费几天了 时间不多了 今后走上正轨, 刚写了篇 大家看看呵~~谢了

浪费几天了 时间不多了 今后走上正轨, 刚写了篇 大家看看呵~~谢了

[size=4][font=Calibri]现在社会人们太注重外表[/font][/size]
[font=Calibri][size=4]多谢多谢哈~~~[/size][/font]
[font=Calibri][size=4]:lol [/size][/font]
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[size=4][font=Calibri]Do you spend a lot of time on your appearance everyday? Do you judge the people by their appearance at the first sight? Do you choose friend even girl or boy friend by their appearance? [/font][font=Calibri]If you have ever had such experience, surely you had paid too much energy on people's appearance. However, from where I stand, I cling to that people should not pay too much attention on it.[/font][/size]
[font=Calibri][size=4] [/size][/font]
[font=Calibri][size=4]To begin with, as a proverb said, "A good friend is an important treasure in life". I consider what makes a good friend who is reliable, kind hearted and excellent character[color=red]i[/color]stic. They could influence your behavior, they could exert a positive effect on our study or work, and they can lend us a hand in time when we are in trouble. All of these are because they have the virtue and excellent characteristic, but not the appearance. According to a recent survey by C.C.O(China Campus Organization), nearly about 65% percent of college students hold the virtue as their style of choosing a friend and they are enjoy their friendship together. So, the style that I choose a friend is largely depended on their characteristic instead of appearance.[/size][/font]
[font=Calibri][size=4] [/size][/font]
[font=Calibri][size=4]Furthermore, the confidence and our personal ability add the fuel to our charming. In order to attracted by people or their lover's attention people spend a great deal of time on appearance [/size][/font]
[font=Calibri][size=4]everyday. They spend money on their clothes, try to make a different hair style and even act strang[color=red]e[/color]ly in public. But in my opinion, the charming that we attract other people is not from our appearance, to some extent, it is from the behavior and act natural[color=red]l[/color]y, from the confidence spread out from our body, and the ability exhibit on our study and work. It is undeni[color=red]a[/color]ble that what makes us success in future not the appearance! Hardly can I imagine if we spend too much time on our appearance instead of study and work.[/size][/font]
[font=Calibri][size=4] [/size][/font]
[font=Calibri][size=4]Admittedly, appearance also has its own merits. For instance, when we meet one person at first time, hardly can we get more information about him or she, maybe the appearance is the only thing we can get. And besides, suppose if a person who both have great characteristic and good looking, that would be perfect. However, the disadvantages of appearance overshadow its merits. Obviously, we can draw the conclusion that people should not spend too much time on appearance.[/size][/font]

写的不错! 开头的排比反问, 第二段的谚语, 以及数字举例,都只得大家借鉴
这里根大家分享一下S.Y的一段经典的关于这个TOPIC的段落---非常经典

External appearances can be very deceiving and highly unreliable. For instance, if an interviewer is in the habit of judging the candidates only by their looks or the way they dress, s/he is more than likely to make serious errors in judgment: a capable and experienced candidate may lose the job just because s/he is dressed casually that day; an incompetent applicant may get the job justbecause s/he is good=looking or a sharp dresser.
Most important, is is well=known that vast numbers of great statesmen were not good-looking men, but they all had great achievements. Should we judge them by their external appearances? Absolutely not! George Washington, one of the greast statesmen the world has ever seen, serves as a perfect example. I once read it in one of his biographies that he contracted smallpox duing a trip in his younger days. The terrible scars from the disease never quie healed and washington bore them for the rest of his life. That sure did not make him a good-looking man, right? However, as we know, Washington is generally considered one of the greatest Presidents in the American history and father of the Nation.

GOOD

It is undeniable that what makes us success in future I S  not the appearance

CORRECT

好象你这么写是对的,小疑惑,能解释下吗

[quote]原帖由 [i]qifeihu[/i] 于 2008-5-14 22:56 发表 [url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=148192&ptid=13039][img]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
多谢小艾哈  好久不见拉
:lol
仔细研读了下  果然....
请问全文的语言句子方面还有什么要改进的没呢?

[quote]原帖由 [i]aqua[/i] 于 2008-5-15 00:04 发表 [url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=148337&ptid=13039][img]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
好象你这么写是对的,小疑惑,能解释下吗 [/quote]

好象是有些别扭.....
:L
这里有错误没呵?!

回复 7# 的帖子

新的每周作文又出拉, 记得写.....

回复8#的帖子

好的哈~~~
又出了的~~~~我还以不会出了呢
:lol

回复 9# 的帖子

sophie 的学校在四川受地震影响......
写到这应该不用我对说了! 呵呵

呵呵  明白了的
没事就好~~~!

偶什么时候能写成楼主这样~ ~！口水
排比，引用，副词起句``连接得体```
They could influence your behavior, they could exert a positive effect on our study or work, and they can lend us a hand in time when we are in trouble
提个不算建议的意见  能不能把YOUR也改成OUR 感觉顺口点，或许第3句的CAN要改成COULD吧
So, the style that I choose a friend is largely depended on their characteristic instead of appearance.
largely和MAINLY哪个高级点```我也搞不清楚哦```如果后面个高级点就改成后面个吧
Admittedly, appearance also has its own merits. For instance, when we meet one person at first time, hardly can we get more information about him or she
这里是不是应该用HER好点？
it is from the behavior and act naturally, from the confidence spread out from our body, and the ability exhibit on our study and work.
第2个FROM不要不知道可不可以```
I consider what makes a good friend who is reliable, kind hearted and excellent characteristic
感觉这句话可以写的更好点``但是不知道要怎么改````:L

回复 1# 的帖子

I cling to that people should not pay too much attention on it.
好像有点变扭，that 前是不是该有个名词或代词？

回复 11# 的帖子

呵呵 我其实写得很一般了
在这接受大家的帮助呵
你也加油!
那些错误我看看哈
谢了~~~~

回复 12# 的帖子

加个 my view?