heqiongsophie 2008-5-9 13:05
小王子就是Toefl759_198 :D
hys17 2008-5-9 19:34
回复 16# 的帖子
应邀改一下16楼朋友的文章(因为被人觉得水平可以,受宠若惊^_^)
总体来说,整篇文章的结构还是很清楚的,而且你选择了一个比较中立的角度,我认为是很聪明的做法,尤其当你找不到很有效的方式去证实其中一方很有力的时候.但是这么做也有一定的风险，就是很可能导致你证实的力度不够，不能给人留下深刻的印象，给人的感觉就是观点不明甚至让人不明白你究竟要表达什么，而这在TOEFL里面我感觉是有点冒风险的，同时2点都讲也很有可能导致你的论证的深度不够，每个都只能浅尝辄止，而稍有不慎就可能把其中一点讲过导致与你的观点不符。所以建议你在考试时尽量少用这种方式。
语言方面经过你自己的修改已经问题不大,只是以下几个小地方,我感觉还有点问题
In addition, facts brace the concepts and ideas given by teachers, as a result, they are conducive to students to learn the essence of ideas or concepts.
In addition, facts brace the concepts and ideas given by teachers, so they are conducive to students for learning the essence of ideas or concepts as a result.
In the meantime, concepts and ideas well direct facts as well.
In the meantime, concepts and ideas effectively direct facts as well.
When students have learned too many facts and examples without any concept, it is easy for them to get confused as they do not have a general idea of the matter.
When students have learned too many facts and examples without any concept, it is easy for them to get confused since they do not have a general idea of the matter.
In sum, judging from the compelling evidences provided, no matter teachers present their lecture with facts or ideas and concepts first, we can safely draw the conclusion that it is equally important for students to recognize ideas or concepts and to learn facts because they can benefit from both of them in the process of studying.
In sum, judging from the compelling evidences provided, no matter whether teachers present their lecture with facts or ideas and concepts first, we can safely draw the conclusion that it is equally important for students to recognize ideas or concepts and to learn facts because they can benefit from each in the process of studying.
语言水平欠佳，只能改这么多了。。。。。。。。
