查看完整版本: 5月1日发放作文题7

回复9#的帖子

Therefore, I insist on my standpoint that learning facts is of vital importance.
[color=red]感觉论点应该是谁更重要[/color]

The learning of the facts is more convincing than the obscure concept.
[color=red]"the" 应该不用吧， concepts，而且，你的意思应该是facts are more convincing than obscure concepts, 而不是learning facts.[/color]

A famous experiment operated by Galileo on the leaning tower in Pisa was a strong proof. At that time, everyone believed that the heaver object would fall faster without seeing the fact by eyes since it was an idea of Aristotle who is the most influential Greek philosopher. However, after the seeing the result of the experiment, everyone was shocked, because the two balls with different weight fell on to the ground synchronously. Therefore, learning the fact is helpful to further understand a concept.
[color=red]例子应该不恰当，所举的例子是fact contradicts existing concepts[/color]

Although, [color=red]（去掉","）[/color]the learning of the concepts is essential, we can't operate a machine before we read the instruction, when comes to the question, which is more important, I should say the learning of the facts. To sum up, the discovering of the practical usage is not only convincing for understanding the concepts, but also making the learning more effective. Also the study of the concepts is aim to put them into the applied purpose. Therefore, when we learn knowledge or a brand new technology, we should think much of the practical usage to the basic concepts itself. [color=red]感觉观点有些模糊[/color]
[color=#ff0000][/color]
[color=#ff0000]祝你成功！[/color]

[[i] 本帖最后由 telly.bbs 于 2008-5-2 15:05 编辑 [/i]]

回复 2# 的帖子

1."concepts are based of facts. "   感觉好像跟论点不符
2."geration”-------generation
3. but，so 尽量少用（这也是别人给我的建议，呵呵）

第一次改作文，水平有限，:)

回复9# 的帖子
第1段例子和我一样:lol
觉得可以把例子和论证多结合点可能更好
最后一段有点小问题
理论学习可以再多写点
而且你又引出学习了实践更效率
不太好~~
水平有限呵

回复6#的帖子
写得真好呵~~~学习

论证很强
但开头那个引语好象不太妥当样的
后面你说的是理论重要
还有第1个例子 不够恰当
好象和理论关联不大
ALL着类词尽量少用些呵
:lol
后天加油

[[i] 本帖最后由 wuhao5217195 于 2008-5-2 17:07 编辑 [/i]]

回复 24# 的帖子

呵呵,谢谢指点,这篇写得时候没感觉,很多地方我自己感觉也很牵强,很担心考试的时候也这样就完了

回复 22# 的帖子

多谢指点！
一定改正

回复 21# 的帖子

谢谢批改。
当时也的时候很没感。。提炼不出论点来。。再酝酿酝酿吧。。

回复 9# 的帖子

1. an effective way , not a effective way

2. 孔夫子说的practise 和后面提到的fact可以等同吗？偶不是很清楚。

3. 个人感觉Galileo的例子非常好，很切题

4. 第三段 our goal is not grasp the basic rules应改为 our goal is not to grasp the basic rules

5. 总体感觉TSONG同学的文章写的是理论和实践的关系，不是概念和事实的关系，个人感觉这两个还是不太一样，不知对否

祝TSONG同学考试成功，呵呵！

刚写的，一个多小时，写完后觉得很不踏实。请大家和老师多提宝贵意见

Ideas,concepts,which one is more important to students?Different people have different minds.Many students are greatly convinced that understanding ideas and concepts is perfect stytle of study for them while others hold the opinion that learning facts are important to them.As far as I am concerned,the method of understanding concepts and ideas for study has liitle appealed to me.Virtually,learning facts are suitable for our students'study and do more good than harm to the procedure of study.So it's sagacious to chose learning factors.Among countless factors which inflence leraning factors,there are two conspicuous aspects  as follows.
For one thing,facts are more understandable to our students than concepts which are seem to be abstract to students.For instance,according to a recent survey of ShanXi University,about 79.8% students thought physics are easier to learn than math on account for there are many experiments in physics classes rather than only formulas in math classes.My friend Jack is a college student,his study didn't very well before,but his biology work is perfect in his class after a lot of experiments now.He said the facts of experiments helped him a lot.These gave him deep impress on the biology knowlege.Among all sorts of learning  methods which are used to learn in our daily study,it's go with out saying that learning facts is the best way for our students.It can make thing  easy to remember.
For another thing,facts can be seen everywhere not only in books as concepts.It can make students learn in any form anywhere.For example,my friend Tom is music lover,he has plenty of mucic knowlege and he can play several instruments.Where all these come from?He said he payed attention to every thing about music in his daily life such as a concert in TV,some music news on newspapers,some singners'records and so on.These facts can help him learn the knowlege of music.To the famillar example of my friend Tom,many examples can be easily found,such as learning football skills from friends during the palying,learning singing skills by doing exercises  follow an famous teacher.Improving speaking skills through talking to others.Obviously,facts are significant to our students,It can help students get konwlege easily.
It would probaly not be too kindly disposed the idea that there is no use to understand concepts and ideas.First and foremost,ideas and concepts are conclusion of facts,It can make people think someting deeply.Besides,concepts are very important to some discipline such like math.Without concepts,students can't work even one problem out.Last but not least,concepts and ideas are something essential,we can make  right decisions depending on them.   
In a word,to chose paying more attention on learning ideas and concepts or facts is something of a delimma to the students because they sometimes are confused by the seemingly merits of learning ideas and concepts and neglect the genuinely good aspects of learning facts.Learning facts not only help students understand knowlege easily but also make them learn in any form and everywhere.  Why some students deem understanding concepts and ideas as the optimal choice and superior to learning  facts is really beyond me.For the reasons presented above,I strongly commit to the notion that learning facts,but not learning concepts and ideas.

回复 29# 的帖子

1.Ideas,concepts,which one is more important to students? 题目是在问ideas and concepts， 与facts哪个更重要。你的第一句似乎是想引起下面ideas 与concepts的比较。
2[color=red].拼写错误[/color]，第一段stytle---style, liitle---Little，chose---choose,inflence---influence,leraning---learning,
3As far as I am concerned,the method of understanding concepts and ideas for study has liitle appealed to me.Virtually,learning facts are suitable for our students'study and do more good than harm to the procedure of study.So it's sagacious to chose learning factors总觉得这个地方逻辑关系有些问题，具体说不出该怎么说，不过似乎你的态度不是很清晰的表达给读者，读了第一段后觉得你应该是中立态度的，但是后来发现你在支持FACTS。
4.For one thing,facts are more understandable to our students than concepts which are seem to be abstract to students这句后面的to students 是不是可以省略了？ 感觉有些重复，不过我的语法不好，我不知道这样改会不会错，在让高手给你看看。
5.on account for 改成On account of 是由于的意思
6These gave him deep impress on the biology knowlege，gave前要加have吧
7It can make students learn in any form anywhere， any form 和anywhere 前要有连词，或者有个，号吧.
8.mucic knowlege 这两个拼写都错了，应该是music knowledge 吧，mucic 是化学方面的词，黏酸的，这个意思。singners'records这个要写什么？拼写错了，是歌手的唱片么？singers'  records?  famillar改成familiar，，，konwlege又拼写错了。 probaly 改成probably，someting ---something,such like不知道是不是可以这样表达，建议你最好用such as稳妥些。,to chose 不定式后面应该用choose吧。delimma是想写dilemma么？
9.我有注意小马里说发作文来要标点+空格的形式，这样看着整齐。

Ps[color=red]你拼写的错误[/color]好多，因该多注意些哦，我不是老师也不是高手，不知道我改的对不对，还有感觉的第2个例子有些牵强，你的表达过于中文式，我觉得在例子选择上还有表述方法上要注意。 我就是个不怎么回用例子的人，什么例子也想不出，可能是思维还不过开阔。
个人愚见，如果有不对的地方见谅

[[i] 本帖最后由 melissa_lee 于 2008-5-3 21:24 编辑 [/i]]

回复 30# 的帖子

改的很认真！:)

回复 31# 的帖子

嘻嘻，昨天改了好久，我只能看出一些显眼的小问题，还要大家帮忙在看才好。。。今天又有人考试了，祝大家都考试顺利啊。。。

大家有空拍拍偶的帖子  16楼

考完归来~我楼上的朋友还没发上来啊(作文的那楼)

为什么没有人帮我改作文哦。。。大家帮我改下哦。谢谢啦嘻嘻:)

回复 34# 的帖子

偶发上去了哈

16楼

[quote]原帖由 [i]melissa_lee[/i] 于 2008-5-5 06:49 发表 [url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=142502&ptid=12186][img]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
为什么没有人帮我改作文哦。。。大家帮我改下哦。谢谢啦嘻嘻:) [/quote]

melissa_lee 姐姐 你写得很好呀，我喜欢你文章的那种感觉:loveliness:

不过还有几个问题：1  第三段 an great influence  应该是a great influence
                                2  第四段开头应该加个 on the other hand 之类的，会使文章衔接的更好
                                3   第四段 [b][size=3]Let's assume that a person who has a large scope of ideas and concepts, but he has little practice experience or has never seen the facts about the ideas by his own.   这句话有问题 因为 that后面应该是个从句，然后but后面是一个和前面从句并列的句子，问题就在于a person who has a large scope of ideas and concepts 它不是个句子，主句主语是a person，后面是who 引导的一个从句，主句没有谓语。我觉得应该把who去掉。[/size][/b]
[b][size=3]                                 4  第五段Wiht the equal status 应该是with the equal status 笔误吧[/size][/b]
[b][size=3]                                 5 文章最后一句应该倒装，Only in this way, can we have a better understanding about we have learnt.[/size][/b]
[b][size=3][/size][/b]
[b][size=3]个人愚见，姐姐帮我看看吧，嘿嘿……

[/size][/b]

回复 37# 的帖子

哈哈，你终于来了哦，恩恩，我仔细按照你说的改一改，我语法很差诶，着急，从小就没有学好语法。。。我是姐姐哦哈哈。。。恩，感觉这里好多高中生，惭愧啊，哈哈，我都大学马上毕业的人了，还没有大家水平高。。。

回复 38# 的帖子

哈哈貌似自己就可以删掉吧，，，你试试哦

回复 5# 的帖子

it's pretty good, but u used a lot of big words in there，just make sure u know how to use them before u put them into sentences，because sometimes simple is better。
1The most consequent point of my penchant for learning facts is that doing so will allow us to have better understanding on how to apply our knowledge into real-life applications.
如果是我，我会这样表达The most consequent point of my penchant for learning facts is that this way can make us smoothly apply our knowledge.
我找不到其他的地方的问题哦，真的不好意思，因为我语法不好，所以怕给你改错了，我只是按照自己想表达的方式去说，就是感觉该怎么说就怎么说，从来没有考虑过语法的问题，因为我不会，就是看到一个话题，不去用中文思考这个问题，就只是用英文去考虑。。。
[color=red]还有关于词汇的问题[/color]，我看了看OG，还有个人认为，作文中不需要用一些没有把握的词汇，有的词汇我们背的只是一些字面的意思，在不能完全可以运用得手的情况下，要选择一些熟悉的有把握的词汇，我们背得一些词汇在外国人生活中并不去特意的应用它们。。。
不知道你有没有仔细阅读OG，，，[color=red]OG在评论一篇满分作文时说“The writer does not use high-level vocabulary,but word choice is correct throughout."
[/color]我个人认为，我们需要大量的词汇，是有助于我们的rending 和Listening，然后口语和作文中只要不要重复出现同样的表达就好了，适当的换词但不需要用一些不常用的词。。。你要证明的是你的英语能力，就是可以清楚的表达出你的观点，你的每句话都要准确清楚的表达你的意思，我想ETS注重的不是你单词的多少，如果一个词你没有真正可以准确使用时，用了反而会起到反效果。[color=red]仔细阅读下OG上面关于评分的标准和给出例文后面的RATER'S COMMENTS 希望会对你有帮助。。。[/color]

不知道我说的对不对，你多请教写高手。我能力有限，也刚刚接触托福，还是属于新人。。。:) 总之，加油啦

[[i] 本帖最后由 melissa_lee 于 2008-5-6 06:32 编辑 [/i]]