查看完整版本: 那位牛人能帮我改篇作文~谢谢啦！

那位牛人能帮我改篇作文~谢谢啦！

[font=Times New Roman]“Being happy with your job is more important than high salary” Agree or disagree ..[/font][font=宋体]谢谢啦！[/font][font=Times New Roman] [/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]There is a hotly debate focus on that "being happy with your job or have a high salary, which is more important?”The two choices have both positive and negative effect on our daily life .over all, I believe the former one -being happy with a job is more important.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]It is true that high salary is mostly important, many people work hard to get a high salary .With
the high salary .they can buy all the luxurious the want, such as new house, new car, new jewelry. the can use the money to give their children a better education condition like go to further study abroad, and they also can give the olds a happy evening, like a round world trip. Those all needs a mount of money, therefore high salary sounds great![/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]However, with high salary, we can purchase something, nevertheless, if we choose a job only for the high pay, we may loss more, for instance, happiness. When one has a job with happiness, it means he like this job. He may work efficiently. A professor, doctor Frank Tian majored in sociology in Cambridge University, finished an article recently, which surveys research findings over the last years. It covers more than 1000 persons, shows that the one who always get the happiness from the work, he did the work more efferent. Therefore they grow up in a high speed.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]A job with happiness gives full play to us. Every one has a dream when they were young, as to be a doctor, a scientist, a politician. When they grow up to choose a major in university, sometimes the choice also depends on the dream. It is not necessary to change our dream only for a high salary. For example, one of my best friend John, he liked study law very much, His also study law in university when he graduated ,he got a master’s degree. Then[/font][font=宋体]，[/font][font=Times New Roman]he choose to become a lawyer, At first, when it came to the case, he is a complete novice ,therefore he had no many case to do, that is to say ,he got a low salary. But he like this job and feel happy when he works .so he did the work all with happiness, finally, he become a famous lawyer.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]High salary is not permanence. It often depends on the work we completed, and the progress we have made, If one love his job ,he
will put all his heart on the wonderful job, high salary is not far from him.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]So if we take careful consideration, it is can not difficult to get the conclusion that have a job with happiness is more important than the one with high salary.       [/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]451词   不胜感激！[/font]

over all合在一起写overall
para1: 首段可以这样开始，加些内容吸引别人看。。
Do you chase after a job that offers a high salary but you show little interest ? Or do you tend to be engaged in the job you like very much but with a humble salary? Recently, there is a hot debate that....

我在想这个题目：
如果being happy with your job with a high salary is pefect 但是必须两者之间选择，就可以按你的行文思路。
basically adress your topic and develop your idea with some examples and details.
但是句型适当多样化一些。

很感谢你！对于这样的选择型问题，我这样布局可以吗？请明示一下，新手刚刚接触托福作文。这样的程度大概能得多少分，谢谢了

哈哈   很好

[[i] 本帖最后由 Nova+ 于 2008-4-25 20:30 编辑 [/i]]

It is true that high salary is mostly important, many people work hard to get a high salary .  感觉 不想英语    想想用一下连接词   至少加个and                          salary     能不能 多换几个   income     wage    等  
they can buy all the luxurious the want,     检查一下    they     或   they might  buy all the luxurious if they want to
give their children a better education condition like go to further study abroad,         give  太普通   afford    可以啊
go to    改  having
give the olds a happy evening  无语  自己想的吧  olds  === elderly       evening ？？？   难道老人爱做噩梦     life  就不会错了 虽然简单

Those all needs a mount of money, therefore high salary sounds great!
全错      这个句子该打    those  能做主语？（我不确定）      therefore  是副词    戴云 会curse你的
However, with high salary, we can purchase something, nevertheless, if we choose a job only for the high pay, we may loss more,                  你写什么  哦         



建议  听完 戴云 网络课堂后  再写一篇   我一定给你改的            语气重了  不好意思   但我只想对你有帮助 [url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/thread-4644-1-1.html]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/thread-4644-1-1.html[/url]  网络课堂



还有   写出的文章不一定要很好   但一定要像英语   [url=http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-1034165-1-2.html]http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-1034165-1-2.html[/url]   他 很牛  我的偶像    可以看下

[[i] 本帖最后由 Nova+ 于 2008-4-25 20:50 编辑 [/i]]

谢谢楼上的，一定听听。谢谢你！