查看完整版本: 4月24日发放作文题6

回复 20# 的帖子

嘿嘿，这样互批真好，又学到很多东西呢。:lol

回复 21# 的帖子

明白了，之前还觉得都可以呢。
谢谢啦！

回复 37# 的帖子

可以在refers to 前加when it。我也不太确定哈~

回复 41# 的帖子

en 这样互相学习进步

回复 7# 的帖子

前几天出去玩了，没帮大家拍，堕落啊

看小小蝎同学很热情帮大家改真的很感动，也帮你拍拍吧，不过偶的水平有限就是了

你结构perfect，非常清晰，开头也很attractive，所以以偶的水平就只能帮你改改语言点了，见谅哈

The most consequent point of my penchant for living in a slower pace is that I can finish my projects better. 这句应该是cannot吧，不过估计是笔误

Furthermore, the detrimental effects of the quick pace of life style upon the physiological and mental state of people have loomed so large.这里的loom和so large 是不是有点矛盾呢

不过还是非常欣赏的你文章，要是偶也有这个水平就好了

还有你说偶的第一个支持段明显多于第二个支持段，是因为第一段原来写的太少了，后面加了点，结果又多了，哎，没办法，菜啊，谢谢你的建议下次一定改，有空帮偶看看语言吧3x

Before I tended to hurry in my reading so that I hardly understand the passages deeply. 这句应该吧before去掉

有空接着帮别人拍，呵呵

回复 4# 的帖子

整体写的还是挺好的，但是我觉得第二个原因应该再有点更具体的例子。
既然，最后作者的观点是喜欢slower life所以还是应该强调一下吧。。
比如，加个什么两个地区比较的例子。应该会充实一点。。。
冷静的头脑可以是：level headed或者keep a cool head
个人拙见

回复 8# 的帖子

。。。说句实话。。。。希望yoyo不要生气：我看的时候感觉好困难啊。。。
主要是我本身语法就一般。。yoyo写了好多复杂的句子，我都开始分析长难句了
13#说的挺全的了，我还没找出这么多。。
有一点觉得用rhythm说生活节奏或者速度，有点奇怪。。。
第二段的前两句衔接有点生硬。。我觉得第二句可以改成：
I could feel my life is such that when I walk alone a street, being aware of flowers aside a street, songs of birds in a tree, enjoyable breeze and warm sunshine that will refresh us and be beneficial to our body.
同13楼，建议楼主写一些逻辑明了的句子，或者说不要弄这么多从句和并列结构，句式多样可以分别用在多个句子中。。。另外就是句间衔接能再顺畅一点

个人拙见

问个问题

像那种agree or disagree和这个二选一个这种题目开头都可以some people feel.....others....
这样子吧？
还有就是观点鲜明的支持一方应该比较好吧？（ps个人也不太擅长写中立的）

现在在交是不是有点晚了，5月3号就考试了，急呀:L
The answer to this question differs from individual to individual. With the rapid development of society, people often change their attitude of same topic. Some people may prefer one to another though some have on opinion. Before rendering my opinion, I consider it is necessary to take a glance at argument of the both sides.

Some people prefer doing things in a hurry because of obvious reason that doing thing quickly can save much time to do other things. Because we should study more knowledge and get more information in order to keep pace with the rapid society. More and more people complain that they have not enough time to more things. Therefore, time become more valuable thing.

As a proverb goes:” every coins have its two sides”. Although doing thing quickly sounds reasonable, it is rushed conclusion if you consider the answer from different perspectives. For example, people always want to get correct answer, but reckless answer. Doing things slowly can avoid the mistakes. Hence, that doing thing quickly is always better choice is not supported by sound reasons. Further, taking one’s time to do something, unfortunately, often is underestimated. There are many reason why some people like to take their time to do things, I will explain some important ones.

The main reason is that doing things quickly may lead to make some mistakes. Because we are human, it is impossible for people to avoid mistake if we do thing very quick. Doing think quickly is not good habit for people, especially for young people, who have less experience. They would feel happy when they have finished the work, no matter how many mistakes they made.   

The other reason is that some things should be done slowly. For example, when we do some experiment of chemistry, we must spend enough time to wait for the result of experiment; scientist also must spend more time to understand deeply why it happened and what the theory is..


To sum up, though I admit maybe doing thing has some advantages, I still think the disadvantages of doing thing quickly are more obvious. If all the factors are complied, we can safely draw conclusion that doing thing slowly is wise decision.

回复 50# 的帖子

看完之后没有搞清楚你的观点。 首先你的开头很长一部分都没有提到话题，一直在分析其他人，没有让人知道你的观点，然后你开始分析优缺点，最后的结尾让我觉得似乎是中立的态度，可是文章又偏向于反对快，赞同慢。。。我觉得你的思路有点乱，首先你要有一个明确的态度，就是让读者可以确定的态度，不然就是一直带着疑问你到底想赞同什么而读。。。
个人愚见，，，我自己水平也不高，27号刚刚考完呵呵。。。没有准备，裸考状态，考前还住了3天院呵呵，所以我也没有什么好的东西可以说，只是我的感觉和理解，希望对你有帮助，还有，祝你好远。。。平常心很重要，只要不紧张就一切都没有问题

回复 50# 的帖子

To sum up, though I admit maybe doing thing has some advantages 这句 doing thing 和has 中间落词了
The other reason 应该是Another 吧，
“we must spend enough time to wait for the result of experiment; scientist also must spend more time to understand deeply why it happened and what the theory is..”标点不要乱用哦。 我想你应该是联系没注意吧。
还有你文章中有时是“doing things ”有时是“doing thing ”
我觉得最大的问题是态度啦

回复 13# 的帖子

谢谢~~~太感动了，那么详细！
不知道为什么写着写着就不会断句了，觉得好像自己都失控了:L
改改，一定注意！
真的很有必要重新写一遍这个题目~太失败了~~:L :L

[[i] 本帖最后由 yoyo 于 2008-4-28 16:55 编辑 [/i]]

回复 29# 的帖子

恩，写的时候就觉得重复了~但是真不知道怎么写了~~~后面就是没话找话说，所以结构很有问题，谢谢:)

回复 48# 的帖子

谢拍，呵呵拍就很感激了，怎么敢生气，哈哈
确实写的很有问题，谢谢，一定改正:)

回复36#的

There has been a controversial debate about the topic that whether people should live life at a slower pace.
live life好像不太对吧，直接用live at...应该就可以了。

because they note that human beings should struggle to develop themselves constantly in order to survive
感觉这句也不太好，特别是in order to，但是不知道怎么改:L
others’ opinion which I cannot agree more shows that it is better to enjoy most of the things in life and therefore slowing down paces is a sound life style.
agree后面少个介词吧，agree with,还有show就可以了，more 是比较级，show是动词，应该不能那么用吧，therefore前面的and可以去掉，pace--is, paces--are；a sound life style是什麽意思？
more time is available for people to think since thinking is a significant activity of human being
think what?感觉好像是少了点东西~
It actually took me a long time to decide which is my preference
which was~
it’s not bad to enjoy life while we spare no effort to dig with study or work, which ask us to live life with a slower pace
with studying or working; live life？
水平有限，互相学习:lol

回复13#的

再次谢谢13#的，有几个问题想请教一下
I’m inclination to an unhurried pace of life.
I’m inclining to an unhurried pace of life.
这个句子是照着DELTA一篇阅读用的，应该没什么问题吧~~？
In contract, people to work consecutively could obtain a conclusion readily.
In contract, people who work consecutively could obtain a conclusion readily.
这个地方是语法错误吗？一定要to work不能who work？还是说用to work好一些？
Moreover, no one will deny that the aim of everyone came into the world is enjoy and feel the life which always superior to the work.
Moreover, no one will deny the fact that the aim of everyone for coming into the world is to enjoy and to feel the life which is always superior to the work.
deny后面一定要加the fact？因为我上一篇也那么写的但是老师只给改了别的地方没改这，是因为看漏了所以没改吗？
谢谢:)

谢谢 漂亮的melissa_lee的建议。希望你能考到你希望的分数:)

回复 57# 的帖子

呵呵,我之前也说了,我的语法也不好,只是按照阅读习惯,感觉不对的就给改了,见谅

第一个地方我不确定,只是没见过这种说法,因为一般都是be doing sth,such as I am going to do some laundry.如果是阅读中有出现过，就当我才疏学浅，ignore吧

第二处2句的区别是，你的那一句的主语是people to work consecutively ,我改的主语是people，看你原意吧，如果你的原意就是指people to work consecutively 这件事obtain......，那就没错

第三处当时读的时候感觉有点别扭，不过后来一看应该没问题的，sorry~

语法不是很好~见笑了~

回2#楼hys17

全文批改如下：
根据10楼和11楼2位朋友的建议,改正了一下,Adapted text:
   As we all see,currently people tend to be faster to do everything as possible by the reason that most of them believe being fast would bring high efficiency,while on the other hand,some people like to slow things down in order to make them do better.Being a calm person,I would rather take my time and live life at a slower pace because of the flaws come from the rushing.
   No one could deny the fact,foremost,rushing would go with carelessness,which is one thing that is unacceptable in the modern world and could bring terrible results,not efficiency.Jim,a guy in my workgroup,always tries to make things go quicker in spite of the reason that he wants to get our jobs done as fast as he can,[color=red]which is nice---这句去掉[/color].Then it turns out that he constantly makes mistakes which got us into trouble almost every time.I could not forget the time that--改为when he missed a little process in our object and we got cut off from the financial support[color=red].I believe no one would think he is a good worker--这话说的太重了[/color] even though he does get things done quickly. Ironically,[color=red]most of the "done" is sort of weak.--这是什么意思？我替ETS问一下。[/color]
Additionally,we would miss lots of amazing things when we are saying "Hurry up".[color=red]Some people--建议若真有人这么说就说some wise old man[/color] said that the people who live slowly are smart,which is a point that many people could not understand.Imaging,for instance,when you were quickly trying to catch a butterfly but you missed a bunch of rare and beautiful flowers even though you caught the butterfly eventually.Would that be a successful result?Trying to slow down and sit to watch the beautiful flowers,maybe you will get a prettier butterfly later.By that,you did not miss anything and you grabbed something even better.
Rushing hour made us want to do things by a higher pace,developing economy made us try to be more efficient,but we still need to stop once in a while even slow our total pace, try stuff with finer thoughts and count the things we may have missed.Life goes on more wonderfully by more consideration,which would be turned down by most of the "hurry up".