查看完整版本: 4月24日发放作文题6

回复 19# 的帖子

一定先写listening  因为重要的放前面，阅读让你看那么久，大家都看得懂，都能写出来，所以阅读不是关键，只要写出每个点就行，听力除了写出每个点必须还要有细节，所以就是先听力，阅读，听力，阅读，再听力，再阅读……:loveliness:

回复7#的帖子
which she made and the things she agreed to do for her friends while she was hurrying through her agenda
这里agreed to do 不太好
One authority on health of people
这句有点问题吧?
some personality disorder, say, distress,disturbance and anxiety and the like
say?笔误吧
and anxiety and the like 这里我觉得不对
moreover 后面又是一个数据, 干脆合起来吧

你看看对不

回复 17# 的帖子

谢谢这位朋友的建议
不过我2个分论点都是说hurry的坏处，进而要slow down
你所说的让步段一般是在这2个分论点之后的1小段，不过当时写的时候时间太紧，就没有写

回复 2# 的帖子

大家拍得很多了，我就指出两个修改稿里的语法错误吧
1.Jim,a guy in my workgroup,always trys to make things go quicker in spite of the reason that he wants to get our jobs done as fast as he can,which is nice.  trys改为tries  另外guy应该是一个十足的口语词汇吧……
2.Additionally,we would miss lots of amazing things when saying "Hurry up".  when 是连词 但后面连接的却不是一个句子，没有谓语，这种情况下从句主谓应该是不能同时被省略的
嘿嘿 个人愚见 :loveliness:

回复 3# 的帖子

第一段Some people prefer to get things down quickly……  应该是get things done吧
第三段 We really had a good time and completely escaped from the heave-load works. Work不可数
另外我觉得你第三段有点偷换概念，因为你写slow pace 可以提供我们更多的free time去享受生活，然后举了个烧烤的例子，重点描述了烧烤的乐趣，最后又写有些人很可怜，只能每天看合同之类的。关键是我觉得slow pace是使我们能更好的享受生活，而不是提供了我们更多的时间去做这些（说到提供更多的时间倒是quick pace更能提供）quick pace 也可以去烧烤啊，只是快速地烧烤失去了它本来的意义。也就是说quick pace 不等于让工作填满生活（因为题目只是说in a hurry to go to places and get things done）slow pace也不等于有时间去烧烤等，或许正因为慢而没时间去……不知道偶表达清楚没，这只是偶滴一点建议，又或许是我没有理解你的意思吧……嘿嘿

个人愚见哦

回复 4# 的帖子

我说一下结构方面的问题，你的第一个理由段写得太长，第二个理由段太短，这样不是很好，因为你只有两个理由段，反差不可以这么大的，在时间有限的情况下，可以考虑第一个适当减减肥，把时间挪到第二个上来，加个例子什么的。
个人愚见 呵呵

回复 5# 的帖子

第二个理由段中心句有点不太恰当，生活中 be filled with busy work 不等于quick pace 题目只是说in a hurry to go to places and get things done，并没有说让工作充斥生活。这样写我觉得有点偷换概念，这点我在25#提过，你可以去看看啊，中心句有问题后面的支持段难免也会跟着出现同样的问题
个人愚见  ^_^

回复 6# 的帖子

[size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]With fast development of[color=red] the[/color] world today, people, as [color=red]an[/color] essential part of it, the pace of their life are [color=red]becoming[/color] [color=red]rapid[/color].([/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这句话写得太纠结了，头太重而脚太轻[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]) So, many people are [color=red]facing[/color] with such a [color=red]dilemma[/color], whether they should hurry to go to places or take their time and live a [color=red]more[/color][/font][/size][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（去掉）[/size][/font][/color][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][font=Times New Roman]slower pace.  I prefer the former one.

To begin with people[color=red] living[/color] in this developing world, it is no doubt that they need [color=red]to[/color] catch up with the pace of the development. I can think of no better illustrations than following cases, I am a college student. I have [color=red]to[/color] spend a large number of time[color=red](a large number of [/color][/font][/size][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]不能修饰[/size][/font][/color][font=Times New Roman][color=red][size=10.5pt]time)[/size][/color][size=10.5pt] [color=red]on[/color] my majors, such as mechanics, statics, materials and so on. [color=red]However[/color][/size][/font][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（这里不是转折，反而有点像递进）[/size][/font][/color][font=Times New Roman][color=red][size=10.5pt],[/size][/color][size=10.5pt] when China join the WTO, it[color=red] is ([/color][/size][/font][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]去掉[/size][/font][/color][color=red][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman])[/font][/size][/color][font=Times New Roman][size=10.5pt]brings about more international communication in our major, so, English becomes an essential ability in this field. Only can we save the time from daily life and live a [color=red]rapid[/color] pace of life to conquer more knowledge. So, only hurry to go to places and get things done can make [color=red]us[/color] able to[color=red] survive[/color] in the world.

Furthermore, as an old saying goes, “[color=red]Time[/color][/size][color=red] is money, efficiency is life[/color]
[size=10.5pt]". We should search a more efficient life style. [color=red]People usually have an uncounted issues [/color][/size][/font][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（既然是[/size][/font][/color][color=red][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]issues[/font][/size][/color][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]为什么又会是[/size][/font][/color][color=red][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]an[/font][/size][/color][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]？）[/size][/font][/color][color=red][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]to deal with, a great number of things need to learn from developing world, and also limited time just 24 hours a day are available for them.[/font][/size][/color][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（这段有两种解释，[/size][/font][/color][color=red][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]1.people [/font][/size][/color][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]是主语，后面三个是句子的一个成分，用[/size][/font][/color][color=red][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]and[/font][/size][/color][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]连接形成并列[/size][/font][/color][color=red][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]; 2. [/font][/size][/color][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]是三个句子用逗号隔开并且用[/size][/font][/color][color=red][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]and[/font][/size][/color][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]连接形成并列，但是不管是哪种解释，这里面都有语法问题，很难表达清楚，你还是自己先看看自己是哪种意思，偶不敢妄改）[/size][/font][/color][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman] If we [color=red]are[/color] [/font][/size][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（去掉）[/size][/font][/color][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]intend to succeed in doing something that others can not do, we [color=red]are[/color] [/font][/size][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（去掉）[/size][/font][/color][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]probably think more and practice more, only can we figure it out that if we can save more time from our daily life. A recent survey conducted in 2008, [color=red]there are [/color][/font][/size][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（去掉）[/size][/font][/color][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]nearly 70 percent of people who are leaders of their field[color=red]s[/color], are hurry to go to places and get things done. All of that is for save more time to focus on the things that they deem important.

Admittedly, there are also some disadvantages to live in too fast pace. For example, results from the fast moving pace, we always forget where we intend[color=red]ed[/color] to go, what we chase[color=red]d [/color]to get, and even the way back[color=red] to[/color] home. Nowadays, it becomes [color=red]a[/color] serious problem for modern people.

[/font][/size]
[size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]Obviously, we can draw the conclusion that although hurry to go to places and get things done have a detrimental effect on people's life, [color=red]but([/color][/font][/size][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]去掉[/size][/font][/color][font=Times New Roman][color=red][size=10.5pt])[/size][/color][size=10.5pt] the merits of it overshadow its disadvantages, so I cling to the point that to the former one.[/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]
[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=10.5pt]还是会有那种be动词后面接原型的习惯性错误，不过已经大有进步了（这语气好像装得偶自己好牛一样，不好不好，忽略吧 嘿嘿……）加油加油[/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]
[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=10.5pt]个人愚见 :loveliness: [/size][/font]

回复 8# 的帖子

我觉得你第一个理由段和第二段有点写重了的感觉，然后就是最后一段是另外一个理由段，只有两句话，没有well developed。 没有结尾，最后一个理由段又写得很短，这样很明显就会被认为是没写完，结构不完整，后果很严重
个人愚见 o(∩_∩)o…

回复 22# 的帖子

哈哈 谢谢 :loveliness:
这篇真的没发挥好，有好多错误:Q
say 是举例子用的，和for instance 差不多
and anxiety and the like 应该是…… anxiety and the like   多打了一个and   笔误笔误:loveliness:
数据那里，我本意是想合起来写的，但是写了之后又觉得好像句子衔接上又问题，比较生涩，于是就加了个moreover,又觉得这个连词好像用大了，矛盾啊…………

回复 24# 的帖子

说得没错,感谢拍
这次风格变动太大,不知道这样写效果如何

回复 15# 的帖子

小王子说的对，大家可以参考royi版主的那贴

回复28# 的帖子
多谢多谢:lol
还是有不少错误呵
有进步?
呵呵 下次尽量再少犯些错,,,,,,  
SAY还可以举例子呵~~又学到了哈


你说的第三段的那个句子 我是PEOPLE做主语
三个句子AND 连接并列
这里有语法问题啊? 该怎么改呢那

[[i] 本帖最后由 wuhao5217195 于 2008-4-26 14:26 编辑 [/i]]

Life grasps right away like a song , rhythm from composing person. Some people are deeply in love of leisurely melody , their lives choosing slow pace. While on the other hand, a few people has been accustomed to song of using fast pace to compose self life. As for me, I totally be the latter.I believe that the fast pace means create priorities efficiently and hold opportunities observantly.

Create priorities efficiently! I believe that the time of life is short. I believe that the way of life is long. So, I try to do everything in a hurry and make each moment efficiently. I never know what may happen next second, but I know what may be done this moment. In addition, a great life doesn't happen by accident. It's the result of allocating your time, energy, thoughts and hard work towards fast and efficient means, instead of just comfortable ends. We have to create priorities through the faster pace. There is no better time to start now.

Hold opportunities observantly! No issue is more important todays than the one refers to hold opportunities. Who doesn't want to succeed? How can we become successful? Only use a long time to prepare yourself for opportunities, but doesn't catch the opportunities' steps you can not success. The advent of opportunity depends upon speed. When being hurried  a habit, you will have a bigger chance to hold opportunities obserbantly, and vice verse, haste and lazy make you lost more.

There's no perfect thing in our lives! Choosing fast pace also has its own disadvantages, for example, you may take more mistakes in the fast process. Nevertheless, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. We should pay more attention and caution with the fast pace hand in hand. I believe I can do so, and all of us can do so.

In the final analysis, I have thought it would be an excellent rule to live each day as if we should die tomorrow. Such an attitude would emphasize sharply the values of life. We should live each day with a vigor, and a keenness of complete everything we can do.
又来晚了，明天就考试了，今天头昏昏沉沉的写完这最后一篇作文吧，考前的。。。嘻嘻，本来就有限的复习时间，还被我浪费在了医院3天，大家帮帮我吧，祈祷我可以明天幸运些呵呵。。。谢谢咯。。。

[[i] 本帖最后由 melissa_lee 于 2008-4-26 15:01 编辑 [/i]]

回复 34# 的帖子

Life grasps right away like a song , rhythm from composing person. 我功力不够啊……第一句就没明白结构~

but I know what may （be）done this moment.
这一段有些句子之间加点连词是不是能觉得比较连贯呢？比如A great life doesn't happen by accident. 的前面。
No issue is more important todays than the one refers to hold opportunities. 这句话的语法是不是有点不对？than以后的。
Only use a long time to prepare yourself for opportunities, but doesn't catch the opportunities' steps. You can not success. 这两句话应该是连在一起表达意思的吧？放在一句里面应该能更清晰的表达意思哈。When (being) hurry(ied) become  a habit,

Choosing fast pace also has its own disadvantages, such as (后面一般用列举并列事物，举例的话还是，for example 或者for instance吧~)you may take more mistakes in the fast process. (例子可以举的更具体~个人的经验是具体例子容易表达而且也表达的清楚)

大家来拍吧~~不要留情呐，也快考试了……

There has been a controversial debate about the topic that whether people should live life at a slower pace. Some people oppose to leading a slow pace life because they note that human beings should struggle to develop themselves constantly in order to survive. However, on the other hand, others’ opinion which I cannot agree more shows that it is better to enjoy most of the things in life and therefore slowing down paces is a sound life style.

Firstly, once people are not urged to do things like making decisions, more time is available for people to think since thinking is a significant activity of human being. There are always someone saying that think twice before do it, which means careful mental process is fundamental to following actions. At this point, I note that people don’t have to rush to do everything but think over the situations and the possible consequences before taking action. For example, when people have to make choice, cautiously balancing the benefits and flaws is critical. When I plot my future career, I have to confront the problem that whether I should go abroad for further education or I just hunt for a job and lead a simple life. Different choice leads to different following actions. It actually took me a long time to decide which is my preference and finally I decided to go abroad. Then, I began to be in all the necessary process of going abroad including preparing for TOEFL and GMAT.

Secondly, it’s not bad to enjoy life while we spare no effort to dig with study or work, which ask us to live life with a slower pace. I hold the idea that what people should pursue for lifetime is happiness and content rather than status, power or money. Someone may comment that sense of content can be gained from owning higher status, more power and money, however, the true happiness derives from something else such as spending happy time with family and friend, enjoying the nature or traveling, and so on. Entertainment and relaxation, of course, will slow down the progress of developing one’s successful career. Whereas, what is invaluable to me is leading a happy life instead of a boring and tough one. In vacations, I’d like to travel to another place and get more practical knowledge and skill of life.

All in all, slowing down the pace never stand for leading a lazy life. Only if people learn how to enjoy life, they can catch the sense of living successfully and then be motivated to go on studying or working hard.

回复 35# 的帖子

按照您说的大概改了下，有的不太清楚具体该怎么做。
例如 No issue is more important todays than the one refers to hold opportunities.我不知道该怎样改正。我的语法一直不好诶，写东西都是觉得像这样说就这样说，不会分析句子结构。。。估计是问题多多了。。。

回复 16# 的帖子
多谢你的认真修改，确实指出了很多我没有发现的 问题。谢谢！
还有些感觉有点疑惑的地方，望指教：

1.    这句A large amount of people who are living in the city claim that they are only busy in doing their things can make them more easily obtain success.(句号）
后面那地方感觉不太合适吧，这里that they are only busy in doing their things can make them more easily obtain success感觉不是一个句子吧，望解释下。
2.   应该没有in a favor of 这种表达吧。In favor of !?
3.  表示几分之几时，如五分之四：可以用four fifths 或4 out of 5吧，在网上搜的 是这样说的。好像没有4 out of 5th吧？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？

回复 3# 的帖子
1.As far as I'm concerned, we should slow down for the purpose not only to gain a more healthy body, but also enjoy every minute of the seemingly limit life.
2. People with depression may get sleeplessness, become less appetite, and more seriously harm the heart normal function.
能不能这样写：People with depression may get sleeplessness, become less appetite, or even seriously be harmed on the heart normal function. Rather than work night and day, I prefer to be more relaxed so that I won't turn into depression.
3.Been frightened by this report, I can't take my health as a risk. Rather than work night and day, I prefer to be more relaxed so that I won't suffer from depression.
4.  第三段感觉和我 的初稿似的，有点跑题，呵呵。
5. More important, time is money, someone think that taking a break means dropping the money.
这样写行不：？
More importantly, someone think that taking a break means dropping the money because they hold the opinion that time is money

回复 7# 的帖子
开头那几个问句怎么想出来的，你经常这样用吧，教教我啊 。呵呵，而且审题太准了，介绍下经验吧。
Before I tended to hurry in my reading so that I hardly understand the passages deeply.
In the past, I tended to hurry in my reading so that I hardly understood the passages deeply.

My teacher told me that my quick tempo of reading, to some extent, influence my comprehension.
My teacher told me that my quick tempo of reading, to some extent, lowered my comprehension.

Now I improve my reading skills and obtain high mark in my tests.
Now I have already succeeded to improve my reading skills and obtain high marks in my tests.