查看完整版本: 这篇写得思路有些不清了....大家给些建议哈 谢了~~~

这篇写得思路有些不清了....大家给些建议哈 谢了~~~

[font=Times New Roman]Science or liberal arts?[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]写着写着自己都觉得有点思路混乱了......[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]大家给些建议吧  先谢了:lol [/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]Science technology is updating everyday in this highly developed world. The discussion between whether people spend their time to science or liberal arts is become more controversially. From where I stand, I cling to that science play a vital part in our social development, but it is not mean that everybody should learn science.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]Firstly, "Science is the firstly factor of [/font][font=Tahoma][size=10.5pt]prolificacy[/size][/font][font=Times New Roman]". It is no doubt that science play a vital role in social development. The inventions on science reshape our life, our country, and the whole world. I can think of no better example than the following case. China, a new-born government, people all over the country are live from hand to mouth about fifty years ago. Nowadays, we can watch television after school or work, chatting on the internet, enjoying cool brings by air-condition in hot summer, taking a taxi to our destination. Hardly can I imagine these in China fifty years ago. Isn't the science bringing us the changing in our life?[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]Furthermore, science study can greatly develop people's critical thinking ability, logical ability, and independent thinking ability. These essential abilities are irreplaceable in our study, work, and the future life. We usually have made some choice in our life, such as the choice of job, the arrangements of complicated issues in the work, and even the ability to deal with the emergency. For example, I have learned science for many years, and I have confidence in my ability. I have numerous work to do in my work, study, and life, my ability to handle them coherently comes from the long time spend on science.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]Admittedly, liberal arts also do a fundamental effect on our spiritual life, such as poems, paintings, books are also irreplaceable in our life. So enjoyable is me that while I fascinated with a meaningful book. Moreover, as an old saying goes, "Interesting is the best teacher". The decisive factor that whether we choice science or liberal arts should be interesting.
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[font=Times New Roman]However, consider all the aspects above, although the science study can greatly developed our ability, and science can accelerate the development of the world, but I restate that the interesting is the most important factor to make the choice.[/font]
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第一段第一行那个whether people后面加一个should就更好了~~~要不一些唐突~~~
第一段第二行controversially不对~~become是系动词，后面直接跟形容词~~controversial就行了
同一行I cling to 最好是the idea that这样字数不仅增加~~句子也更通顺~~~
同一行play后面用role更好~~part相对不是很合适。。
but it is not mean that everybody should learn science这句话不管是逻辑还是语法都是错的~~~你想表达什么意思呢~~在后面回帖，我再告诉你怎么写这个句子~~

第二段
第一句科技是第一生产力这句话不对，如果你想用这种表达方法的话应该用first。。
同行，应该是there is no doubt...后面是plays。。。
第二行， I can think of no better example than the following case这句话的表达有问题~~最好改成as far as i am concerned/from my poingt of view/ from my perspect或者是最普通的i think, there is no better examples....后面不变
同行people from all。。最好；后面were living；然后from hand to mouth 我不明白你是什么意思。。。
第三行，因为前面有can，后面的chat，enjoy，take都用原型~~
第四行，Isn't the science bringing us the changing in our life强调句的倒装反问用错了。。应该是isn't it the science that brings us the change(不用加ing)。。。

第三段
第一行science study 不是很顺，最好是the study of science。。
同行的三个ability并列的有些缀余的感觉~~你可以换成capability，或者skill什么的~~
第二行，如果你想用usually，后面就用have to make；如果想用完成时，就不要用usually。。。choices用复数。。
第三行，emergency用复数emergencies。。
同行，I have numerous work to do in my work这句话很别扭，把第一个work改成things会好很多~~
第四行，应该是spent on science。。。
这段最大的问题是你前面那三种能力你没能通过论述，说明科学可以帮助提高，而且你经常性的用并列，会有凑字数的感觉~~~再就是词汇太单一了~~以后多多注意哦~~

第一段， developed>developing      whether people后加should   become>becoming   controversially>contrversial
cling to 后面加the point (介词后不能用that)   还有science plays不是science play ， it is not mean>it doesn't mean
第二段，firstly>first  It is no doubt> there is no doubt ， 还有science plays不是science play
China, a new-born government, people all over the country are live from hand to mouth about fifty years ago. 这句话不是话 China, a new-born government, 这是个名词，为什么单独拿出来，建议改为People in China, which is a new-born government lived from hand to mouth...
Nowadays, we can watch television after school or work, chatting on the internet, enjoying cool brings by air-condition in hot summer, taking a taxi to our destination这句话还有问题，句前最好加however 或nevertheless表示对前一句话的转折，后面的chatting,enjoying,taking都改为原形chat,enjoy,take因为它们都是can后面的动词
第三段，We usually have made some choice in our life把have 去掉choice>choices

For example, I have learned science for many years, and I have confidence in my ability. I have numerous work to do in my work, study, and life, my ability to handle them coherently comes from the long time spend on science.
这一句话，应为 I have been learning...  numerous只能修饰修饰单数集合名词，比如a numerous acquaintance
很多熟人 或者修饰复数名词，比如numerous books 所以不可以修饰work          然后life 后的逗号变成and
spend>spending
第四段，such as poems, paintings, books are also irreplaceable in our life 注意such as 后面是接名词不是句子
所以把are also irreplaceable in our life 去掉    "Interesting is the best teacher". >Interest is ...
while I fascinated with a meaningful book 〉while I am fascinated with...
The decisive factor that whether we choice science or liberal arts should be interesting. that>of the question
choice>choose  interesting>interest

However, consider all the aspects above, although the science study can greatly developed our ability, and science can accelerate the development of the world, but I restate that the interesting is the most important factor to make the choice.   consider>considering   developed>develop    后面的but去掉 interesting>interest

好了，这是语法的问题，至于文章，确实感觉有些乱，你支持的观点要大部分，而不是反驳的观点，也就是说你应该用两段长的写arts, 一段短的写science.
从新考虑一下，再写一篇，加油~~

第四段
第一行，have effects on 是固定词组~~do不对~~~
同行，倒装句错误So enjoyable is me that while I fascinated with a meaningful book....应该是so enjoy （am i） while i am fasinated 。。。括号里面的很多余，不要为了凑字数而这样，印象分就没了~~~
第二行，名言引用要注意语法，应该是interests are best teachers...interesting是形容词，不能当主语。。。
同行，The decisive factor that whether we choice science or liberal arts should be interesting.这句话逻辑和语法都有错误。。首先应该是choose，还有上面提到的should。。逻辑错误在于你的论断都是偏向science，可是你这一段又说是决定于兴趣~~这是矛盾的~~

最后一段
however，和but不可同时用~~
然后我ls说的逻辑错误还是一样的~~
你如果要写中立的观点，第一段就要表达清楚了~~~要不你这样就算矛盾~~~
再就是你文章结构比较俗~~没有什么新意~~~以后要多多注意咯~~~

回复2#的帖子
非常感谢批改呵~~~
看来问题不少 今晚得好好看看了再
那句话我想说的是
科学技术很重要 但我不是要求每个人都学理科

回复5#的帖子

谢谢再次的修改呵
还是有不少语法错误....:L
看来还得多下工夫~~~~
到时再指教哈

China, a new-born government, people all over the country are live from hand to mouth about fifty years ago.
这句看不懂啊
I have learned science for many years, and I have confidence in my ability. I have numerous work to do in my work
这三句是不是I have用的有点多啊

呵呵，愚见啊，互相切磋！

谢谢楼上的呵 有道理呵~~  再看看我

比较急了......
只40多天了
这么错误太多了  问题太多
怎么办......:L :L :L

感觉  像什么