查看完整版本: 4月17日发放作文题5

4月17日发放作文题5

[size=6][color=#ff0000]请各位小马注意了[/color][/size]：

你们应该看过了是否支持作文互评的讨论贴：当你们每次发作文上来，应当首先
[color=magenta]have an awareness[/color]----应该先去积极主动的给别人批改作文，不会改没有关系，哪怕指出对方一个词用的不妥，一个句子你没读懂，或者三两句读后点评都可以，关键是你参与了互改的过程，而不是只发上来自己的作文，永远等着别人给你改。

有的会员抱怨他的作文没人改，对于这些我们没能批改的作文贴我们表示道歉，但同时首先我想问的是---你是否按照互改规则先给别人改了呢？看了前几次发放的作文贴谁遵守我们的互改作文规则，谁很积极帮助别人改作文，大家都可以看到。所以我们的工作是一项[color=magenta]team work[/color]，这不仅在我们托福的作文版中，在你现在或未来的生活中你都要经历的。Right and responsibility go hand in hand. 你享有别人给改你作文的权利同时也当履行你给别人改作文的义务。我们不仅需要你积极的提交作文，而且更需要你们遵守规则积极主动的也帮别人看作文改作文。




写作类型：问题分析型
怎样审题：....@#￥%...What do you think about it?即对一个问题的看法。这类型在185中占了约14%。

这周作文题
[size=4][size=5]Topic[/size]: If you could go back to some time and place in the past, when and where would you go? Why? Use spacific reasons and details to support your choice.[/size]

[[i] 本帖最后由 heqiongsophie 于 2008-4-21 16:23 编辑 [/i]]

这几天家里网络连续遭攻击 :'(   好可怜，到网吧来写作文……足足写了一个多小时
不知道是哪个坏家伙这么想入侵我电脑……我都没辙了
大家帮偶看看呀，今天晚了，明天偶再到网吧帮大家看哈 嘿嘿ie

[font=Times New Roman]Have you ever thought the happy and impartial time in your childhood? Have you ever thought attaining another chance to correct some faults which you have made in those days? Have you ever thought backing to that period to thanks somebody who helped you? Actually I ask myself these above questions customarily. So if I could travel back in time, I would choose to go to my childhood, when life was carefree and full of happiness. Among countless factors which influence my decision there are three conspicuous aspects as follows.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]The most consequent point for my penchant for choosing my childhood is that I want to enjoy my cheerful and carefree days. Backing to that period, I can escape from considerable pressure of work, complicated relationship and trivial matters in life. When I am reminded of my childhood, and unable to understand or to express the emotion that rouses in me, conclude that it must be a paradise. It is difficult for me, in that moment, to resist the images that I am playing games with friends, my parents are exerting their utmost to choose gift for my birthday and my funny and innocent dreams of being a superman to save the world. It is worth-while to enjoy all this pure pleasure again in life.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]Another reason can be seen by every person is that I could obtain a chance to correct the mistakes made for my innocence. Never can I forget during that period I tended to complained about my family condition by praising the homes of my friends and slurring on my own cooking, cleaning or furniture. It was my parents who were extremely hurt by feeling they could not give me everything I needed. If I could go back to that time I would fix my biggest fault and say sorry to my parents.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]Also because of my innocence, I regarded that my friends had the justification to help me and seldom thanks to them. And now I realize they help me never because of obligation but they have a great love of me, feeling which is essentially precious. I wish to return to my childhood and reciprocate all the love they gave me.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]This is a skeptical age, but although out faith in many of the thing in which our forefathers fervently believed has weaken, our confidence in travelling back in time remains the same as theirs. If I could stop time and fly through it, I would turn back to my childhood to enjoy my peaceful days, to remedy my irrational action and to appreciate my beloved friends.[/font]

[[i] 本帖最后由 evilscorpio 于 2008-4-26 10:23 编辑 [/i]]

我把 S041993 前两天写的同名作文全文粘过来，大家来拍：

      When and where in the past do you want to go?


        Sometimes we will stay in the memories of the past, some of them are exciting, but others may be unhappy. I have walked many roads and experienced a lot, that enable me to be a mature man. Most of the roads that I have walked left me a good past time and I will never forget them. However, if I am allowed to return to the past that I can choose, I will choose my graduate period, when I have studied in Sichuan University that I often have a dream to go back.
        Firstly, in my graduate period I have participated in several scientific research projects, which were complex and full of challenging. I have learned much knowledge from involving in these projects, for example, after finished the projects I have mastered at some basic theory and research methods to scientific project, and I have known well about specialty knowledge and also accumulated work experience. At the mean time, there are almost all kinds of sports equipment and many sports venues, such as soccer pitch, basketball court, as well as swimming pools and other gyms, which provide a great place to exercise body. Especially the swimming pools that I have often come for swimming, because I think it will exercise physical body more effectively and systematically.
        In addition, In Sichuan University I have recognized my professor Li, a scientist in mechanical field, who had a good authority in academics. He has given me many helps and taught me lots of knowledge that benefit me greatly forever, not only in my study but also in my life, so he is the most respected teacher that I have met. At the same time, I have made many friends in the campus, and we have usually participated in the various activities together, for example, I have often played card with my friends on some weekend, and they have left me much happy laughter. Last but not the least, now I am very tired after everyday’s work and I have no enough time to do other interesting things, while I felt quite relax and very free in the campus so that I can manage my time more effectively and will have more time to study English.
        From the above opinion I concluded, if I could go back to a certain and place in the past, I will choose to go to Sichuan University at my graduate period, and I would probably enjoy it.


PS:第一篇文章, 写的不理想,请多提出问题和解决方法,非常感谢!

不好写啊,30分钟左右,检查过拼写,语法.共用时接近40分钟,考试时候这样就完了.......

[font=Calibri]If we have a chance,do we want to change the past?That is a tricky question which is still no answer currently.However,I want to prevent the invention of nuclear productions if some day I could go back to that historical yet controversial moment.[/font]
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[font=Calibri]One of the most powerful nuclear productions is the Nuclear Weapon which is considered as the enormous invention that brought the great Cold War in the 20th century which has dragged the world into the fear of war-coming for over 40 years.Before the invention,poeple on earth never thought the competition of just 2 countries could have the potential to destroy the whole world.Some data that cannot be confirmed because they are the top secrets of the militery from the strongest nations,show that during the past 10 years,the conservations of nuclear weapons have world-widely reached the number more than 10,000.No one could pretend nothing happened since he/she knows the gigantic number which could ruin the world for over thousand times.[/font]
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[font=Calibri]In addition,the risk of developing and utilizing the nuclear resource cannot be ignored by the reason that the frightening power of nuclear productions could cause terrible result even though just a little.One of the statistics reveals that more than thousands of people have died because of the explosions of nuclear resources and over hundreds of thousand people have got the diseases caused by them.These diseases have more harmful potential than the death since they are genetic and could pass down through families.Several generations have to paid for one invention,which is a fact that is undeniable.[/font]
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[font=Calibri]Besides these disadvantages,current people have got advantages of the utilization of nuclear productions such as electricity power which is generated by nuclear resources is the major one from the utilization.Therefore,the affects that nuclear power has brought to us are much more than the advantages it could develop,which as a conclusion.Sometimes the best way to prevent the bad effects of one thing is to let it never happen,which is why that I want to change of the history of nuclear power although I knew that could never happen so far.[/font]

[[i] 本帖最后由 hys17 于 2008-4-20 06:50 编辑 [/i]]

写的不好，大家拍死我吧。:'( :'( :'(


Going to some time and place in the past or in the future is a beautiful dream for most of the people. If I get a chance or possibility to go back to some time and place in the past I have ever experienced, I will choose the period of my high school, which had brought me a lot of precious memories.

There were a lot of bright classmates and close friends in my class when I was a high school student. And I usually amazed by their ambition, great passion, and wonderful performances, from which I benefited a lot and which also gave me a great desire to pursue what I really like. Also, my classmates were talented and all-round students with high sense of team spirits. The experience which impressed most in my high school is that we won a competition in the football match for all the high school students of my province. Then we all classmates and teachers had a whole day's celebration.

Not only the classmates there are memorable for me but also the teachers and the beautiful environment gave me a deep impression to cherish. Teachers there were patient and open-minded enough to teach us a huge amount of knowledge and encourage us to work hard for what we really like of our life. Every teacher would treat the students seriously and pay attention and affection to the physical and mental health of every student. Moreover, each teacher is warm-hearted and kind to us, so we can freely discuss the questions about both our studying and our daily life. They are not only our teachers but also our best friends. I still remember that we went to climb a little mountain near my high school with all our teachers before we would graduate. We talked, laughed, discussed the interesting stuff all the way to the top of the mountain, and also, we took a lot of pictures with our respected teachers and best friends. That may be the most cherished moment in my studying life.

Now, I usually dream to go back to my high school in my dreams. The period enables me a lot of abilities and beliefs to live in the competitive world and I had gained the most cherished treasure in my life: many close friends and admired teachers. I guess that may be the happiest and most cherished time of my studying life.

[font=Arial]43’[/font]
[font=Arial]381 words (NO model)[/font]
[font=Arial]然后用了一小时改，结构没改，改了些repititive or redundent words[/font]
[font=Arial]请大牛门指点！谢啦！[/font]
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[b][font=Arial]If you could go back to some time and place in the past, when and where would you go? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.[/font][/b]
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[font=Arial][font=宋体][font=Arial]更改稿：[/font][/font]
[font=Arial]If I had a chance to return to some time and somewhere past, I would like to go to Tang Dynasty of China. I have admired its glorious history for quite a long time and been attracted by both its solid economic strength and abundant cultural results. Its diplomatic achievement and frequent communications with western countries are also a mystery to me. If I was given an opportunity to go back, I would take this opportunity to figure out all the subjects that I am concerned about.[/font]
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[font=Arial]It is well-known that at the time of Tang Dynasty, the economic level of China far outweigh other countries around the world, but even the most celebrated historian nowadays fails to understand exactly how China had been developed to that extent. If I could go back, without doubt, I will ask the emperor Lishimin directly concerning the methods of governing such a large country and consult him about his insight of the essence of economic development. [/font]
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[font=Arial]What is more, I would be able to see my favorite poets Libai and Dufu. I had learned a number of their poets from the beginning of my schooling, and their beautiful and wonderful poems are really impressive to me. But there are some implying meanings in their poem that I am uncertain about. Moreover, their personal affairs even their hobbies are something that intrigues my curiosity from my childhood. As a consequence, if I could encounter with them, I will grasp the precious chance to handle all the issues above.[/font]
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[font=Arial]In addition, perhaps I could converse with some foreigners in Tang Dynasty of China and ask their opinions both regarding China and Chinese people in that from history books of Tang Dynasty, I have known that there are quite a number of foreigners in China, such as businessmen or ambassadors. They can provide another explanation, from another perspective, for the reason of China's prosper and welfare.[/font]
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[font=Arial]From my point of view, I would like to revisit Tang Dynasty of ancient China if I could go back to anywhere and any place as I will. And I will take this occasion to resolve all my confusion about Tang Dynasty, involving economic and cultural aspects. For this reason, I believe my trip would be valuable and unforgettable.[/font]
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[font=宋体][font=Arial]初稿：[/font][/font]
[font=Arial]If I had a chance to go back to some time past, I would like to go to Tang Dynasty in China. I have admired its glorious history for quite a long time and been attracted by both its excellent economic strength and fruitfully cultural results. Its diplomatic affairs and communications with western countries also are mystery to me. If I was given an opportunity to go back, I would take this opportunity to figure out all the issues that I am concerned about.[/font]
[font=Arial] [/font]
[font=Arial]It is well-known that at the time of Tang Dynasty, the economic level of China far outweigh other countries in the world, but even historians nowadays fail to know exactly how it had been developed to that extent. If I could go back, without doubt, I will ask the emperor at that time directly concerning the methods of governing such a large country and consult something with regard to his insight of the essence of economic development. [/font]
[font=Arial] [/font]
[font=Arial]What is more, I would be able to see my favorite poets Libai and Dufu. I had learned a number of their poets from the beginning of my schooling, and their forceful and wonderful poems are really impressive to me. But there are some hiding meanings in their poem, if any, that I cannot certain about. Moreover, their personal affairs even their hobbies are something that intrigued my curiosity from my childhood. As a consequence, if I could encounter them, I will grasp the precious chance to tackle all the problems above.[/font]
[font=Arial] [/font]
[font=Arial]In addition, perhaps I could communicate with some foreigners in Tang Dynasty in China and ask their opinions regarding both to China and Chinese people in that from history books of Tang Dynasty, I have known that there are quite a number of foreigners in China, such as businessmen or ambassadors. They can provide another explanation for, from another perspective, China's prosper and farewell.[/font]
[font=Arial] [/font]
[font=Arial]From my point of view, I would like to go back to Tang Dynasty of ancient China if I could go back to anywhere and any place as I like to. And I will take this opportunity to deal with all the confusion about Tang Dynasty, including its economic and cultural aspects. For this reason, I believe my trip would be valuable and unforgettable.[/font]
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回复 4# 的帖子

我觉得你写的很好，结构很清楚，而且很聪明的把问题分析型写成了比较型，一方面有话可说，使文章更加饱满，另一方面增加了字数，呵，偶水平有限，只能改几处语言问题，见笑了，也麻烦帮偶看看文章吧，谢啦

One of the most powerful nuclear productions is the Nuclear Weapon which is considered as the enormous invention that brought the great Cold War in the 20th century that has dragged the world into the fear of war-coming for over 40 years.
改为
One of the most powerful nuclear productions is the Nuclear Weapon which is considered as the enormous invention that brought the great Cold War in the 20th century and has dragged the world into the fear of war-coming for over 40 years.
Some data that cannot be confirmed because they are the top secrets of the military from the strongest nations, show that during the past 10 years, the conservations of nuclear weapons have world-widely reached the number more than 10,000.
改为
Some data that cannot be confirmed because they are the top secrets of the military from the strongest nations, showing that during the past 10 years the conservations of nuclear weapons have world-widely reached the number more than 10,000.

我是真的把小马过河当家了，力争每篇作业按时完成

开始好没头绪  总算写了点出来了
大家看看吧~~~:lol  50分钟......

China, the country I was born in, with a long history almost five thousand years. Through history class, I have a whole view of it, so, if I have got a chance go back some time and some place in the past, I will choose Tang Dynasty with no hesitate.

Firstly, Tang Dynasty, the most flourish dynasty of the China's history in five thousand history, surely would seem the classical scene of people's life style in China which lasted for thousands years. Such as the male people working in the fields, while female are staying at home to do some house work and making clothes for the home, at the same time children are help their parents taking their cattels(livestock) in the grassland after school. What a harmony and peaceful world! I have only heard or read that before but now it is the time to see.

Furthermore, a noted poem producer named Libai live in Tang Dynasty that the person I want to see. The reason that I called him a poem producer is because he write numerous poems that handed down from generation to generation. I am fascinated in his works! His life is full filled with romantic, adventure, and meaningful. He had traveled a lot of interests around China. The time when he was enjoying some beautiful scene, like huge and mysterious mountains, amazing water fall, even the precious friendship with his friends can be his original resources of writing poems. Hardly can I imagine that such a person finished so much works during his short life. So, I am dream to have a chance to pay a visit to him.

Last but not least, people who living in Tang Dynasty are consider that female people are pretty when they are fat, it is totally the opposite side of people's view today. Do you think it is interesting that "The fatter, the better"? I totally think so, so this is also that I want to have a look in Tang Dynasty.

All the discussion above is just a small scene of Tang Dynasty, but they are the essence of the whole  dynasty, included the economic, the culture, the people's life style. We can have a approximate view about it. So, if I have got a chance to go to past, I will choose Tang Dynasty with no doubt.
                                                                                                                                                                      390

[[i] 本帖最后由 wuhao5217195 于 2008-4-17 19:57 编辑 [/i]]

回复4# 的帖子

每次交得很早呵~
总体立意很新 写得很好!!
学习~~~!
One of the most powerful nuclear productions is the Nuclear Weapon which is considered as the enormous invention that brought the great Cold War in the 20th century that has dragged the world into the fear of war-coming for over 40 years.
可以分2 句吗? 这句结构有问题吗?请教下 我不怎么清楚哈
可以加个例子 二战美国扔原子弹炸日本如何如何的
觉得最走让步段可以把好处再扩展点

回复6#........
居然和我一样.........:lol
哈哈

diplomatic affairs and communications with western countries also are mystery to me
觉得MYSTERY不妥 fascinated好些吧
第2段第一句 可能用during the period of 更好
经济实力说OUTWEIGHT不好吧?
居然第三段和我.....:L
I had learned a number of their poets from the beginning of my schooling
学是学的poem   at the beginning
写得不错呵~~~

[[i] 本帖最后由 wuhao5217195 于 2008-4-18 12:01 编辑 [/i]]

大家都好快...我占楼,明天贴来...

感谢7楼和10楼的2位朋友的指点,确实有这些问题
关于那一句我也不确定表达是否正确,只是用了从句套从句的形式,可能有些混乱,以后会注意
1战的时候写文章的时间就很紧,这次担心还是不够,练习的时候就已经很紧张了

[font=Arial]感谢小小蝎和pystupid同学的点评~[/font]
[font=Arial]又小小修改了一下[/font]
[font=Arial][color=red]红色是改动过的地方[/color]，[color=yellowgreen]绿色是不确定的表达[/color][/font]


[font=Arial]Confucius, the greatest and most influential philosopher and educator of ancient China, was quoted in the Analects as saying, " People should learn from the past." If I had the chance to go back to the past, I would love to go[color=#99cc00] the 1960's China[/color], where the people were undergoing a tough time, the Civil Revolution.[/font]
[font=Arial][/font]
[color=red][font=Arial]For starters, by experiencing the special circumstance, everyone would [/font][/color][color=#99cc00][font=Arial]cherish[/font][/color][color=red][font=Arial] the opportunity to further his/her education [/font][/color][color=#99cc00][font=Arial]more[/font][/color][color=red][font=Arial]. The story told by my mother about her dream as a youth was a stimulant.[/font][/color][font=Arial] Here goes the story. The Civil Revolution was started in 1966, when my mother was yet a kid. Ten years later, the political movement was still continuing, while my mother had become a high school student with a dream of becoming a doctor. She was eager to be enrolled by a medical university so that she can realize her dream. Unfortunately, the higher education system was abolished during the revolution. There was no access for the students liked my mother who had a clear goal to pursue their dreams. Having no other way, she took a job in a refrigerator factory as a worker after graduation to maintain a living. After hearing the story, I came up with a strong will to go back to that time, not only to watch the people's living status [color=red]with my own eyes[/color], but also let the scene to motivate myself. I believe each student of today who have the experience of the Civil Revolution would cherish their opportunity to advance their education more.[/font]
[font=Arial][/font]
[font=Arial]Besides, a person who had suffered from this period of time would treasure the liberty of speech. When came to the word of the Civil Revolution, there would rise a feeling of terror by the people who had experienced the Revolution, since people can't say everything they wanted to [color=red]whether it was right or wrong.[/color] People might be put into jail because of some controversial sayings. Even the couples disclosed each other to show their blamelessness. I want to ask," Where is the love?" Therefore, people would recognize the essentiality after they once have lost the right to speak. [/font]
[font=Arial][/font]
[font=Arial]From what have been mentioned above, it can be briefly summed up as follows. Going back to the Civil Revolution is not just a kind of exciting experience, more important, it's a great chance to learn from the past. We learn from the right once we lost so that we cherish want we now have more. We learn from the wrongdoing so that we won't do it wrong again.[/font]
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[font=Arial]                                                                                                                 426[/font]

原稿：
Confucius, the greatest and most influential philosopher and educator of ancient China, was quoted in the Analects as saying, " People should learn from the past." If I had the chance to go back to the past, I would love to go the 1960's China, where the people were undergoing a tough time, the Civil Revolution.

For starters, the desire of going back to this period of time was just stimulated by a story told by my mother about her dream as a youth. Here goes the story. The Civil Revolution was started in 1966, when my mother was yet a kid. Ten years later, the political movement was still continuing, while my mother had become a high school student with a dream of becoming a doctor. She was eager to be enrolled by a medical university so that she can realize her dream. Unfortunately, the higher education system was abolished during the revolution. There was no access for my mother to pursue her dream. Having no other way, she took a job in a refrigerator factory as a worker after graduation to maintain a living. After hearing the story, I came up with a strong will to go back to that time, not only to watch the people's living status by my own eyes, but also let the scene to motivate myself. I believe each student of today who have the experience of the Civil Revolution would cherish their opportunity to advance their education more.

Besides, a person who had suffered from this period of time would treasure the liberty of speech. When came to the word of the Civil Revolution, there would rise a feeling of terror by the people who had experienced the Revolution, since people can't say everything they wanted to whatever it was right or wrong. People might be put into jail because of some controversial sayings. Even the couples disclosed each other to show their blamelessness. I want to ask," Where is the love?" Therefore, people would recognize the essentiality after they once lose the right to speak.

From what have been mentioned above, it can be briefly summed up as follows. Going back to the Civil Revolution is not just a kind of exciting experience, more important, it's a great chance to learn from the past. We learn from the right once we lost so that we cherish want we now have more. We learn from the wrongdoing so that we won't do it wrong again.
                              
                                                                                                                                    413

[[i] 本帖最后由 TSONG 于 2008-4-23 21:58 编辑 [/i]]

回复 #6 的贴子

同学你的习惯真好，学完自己改与不改有很大区别，呵呵
简单说说吧
1段：If I had a chance to return to some time and somewhere past, I would like to go to Tang Dynasty of China. I have admired its glorious history for quite a long time and been attracted by both its solid economic strength and abundant cultural results.
[color=darkorange]       I would like to go to Tang Dynasty of China because that was a time of glory and a great empire which had a most prosperous economy and a cultural of divercity at their time.[/color]
[color=#ff8c00]  [/color][color=#000000][font=Arial][size=10.5pt]
If I was given an opportunity to go back, I would take this opportunity to figure out all the subjects that I am concerned about.[/size][/font][/color]
[font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][color=darkorange]
If I was given an opportunity to go back, I will take this opportunity to explore all the mystery that I'm longing for.[/color][/size][/font][/size][/font]
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[/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt]2段：[font=Arial][size=10.5pt]
I will ask the emperor Lishimin directly concerning the methods of governing such a large country and consult him about his insight of the essence of economic development.[/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt]          [font=Arial][size=10.5pt][color=darkorange]
I will ask the emperor Lishimin face to face about his expertise in governing such a huge country.[/color][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt]3段：[font=Arial][size=10.5pt]schooling: education  [/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt]        inplying[font=Arial][size=10.5pt] meanings:  [color=darkorange]deep meanings[/color][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt]As a consequence, if I could encounter with them, I will grasp the precious chance to handle all the issues above.

[color=darkorange]Therefore, I'm certainly going to make friends with and ask all my questions to them if I got the precious chance to travel back then.[/color][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt]4段：[font=Arial][size=10.5pt]I have known that there are quite a number of [/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][color=darkorange]    there were[/color][/size][/font] [/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt]    [font=Arial][size=10.5pt]prosper ： prospererity       welfare 用的非常好呵呵[/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt]   another explanation: [color=darkorange]some inspiring ideas[/color][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt]5段：[font=Arial][size=10.5pt]revisit： visit [/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt]        [font=Arial][size=10.5pt]occasion: chance[/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt][font=Arial][size=10.5pt]      第二句话末尾加个by my own eyes 会更好点[/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font][/size][/font]
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[font=Arial][size=10.5pt]I believe my trip would be valuable and unforgettable.[/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=10.5pt][color=darkorange]I believe my trip will be a amazing memory forever[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=10.5pt][color=#ff8c00][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=10.5pt][color=#ff8c00]我觉得6楼T友努力使用现在时的习惯非常好，就是少查点词，多用自己会用的，那会更好:) [/color][/size][/font]
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Sometimes we're lucky enought to know that our lives have been changed through discarding the old and embracing the new. It happend to us. But a bigger issue is that what we have lost in the process? In the night, I have been haunted by the memories of my hometown. I really hope that I would be able to go back there, a small but beautiful village.

Now, let me tell you firstly about the pictureque views and the enjoyable surroundings. As the spring comes, the fresh  breeze comes gently to  your face, with the frangrance  of tender grass. In summer, all the willows exuberate and and all the flowers are in blooms. When autumn visits, the stream is as clear as the crystal, and all the crops are waiting for harvest . When the winter falls, the villages is covered with  snow, and bears the footprints left by  people in cotton-padded coat. The whole village is filled with Peace and quietness. That's it and no way for more .

Let me tell you, next, that is people in my hometown are all simple and friendly. Happiness is the main topic in there. There's no competition, no suspicion. They have sought love, peace. Even though they havn't so much money, they do some works in farmyard and feed chickens,darks and many other fowls. They eat the nature food. Obriously, they're more physical healthy.  

Most importantly. To me, my hometown always gives me most important lessons, and perhaps gives all of us. Let's stop and think. How is our lives going? We have higher buildings and widder highways, but shorter temperaments and narrow love. We have more medicines, but less health. We have higher incomes, we spent more, but enjoy less. What is valuable about our earth is not the land which we can emplorder, not the trees which we can remove. What valuable is the relationships from which comes the real value of the people with the enviroment in there. We shoule believe that we can develop the human ecosystem into as harmonious a system as we can find in there.

To sum it up, if I have a chance to go back to a place that must be my hometown. Not only due to the attracting views, but also the spirit what I would be able to know. I believe that all of these can help me relax and relieve the pressure from the work and study.
希望大家可以多多帮我批改，半个小时觉得时间好紧张，思维总是定格在一处。还有请有经验的人给我些意见，因为之前一直在准备其他考试，还有夸选学校的课程，所以没有时间复习，并不太了解托福的难度。4月27号考试，这个是我正式写的第二篇作文，现在请了10天假全天准备考试，只买了OG 和BARON'S ，以前没有仔细阅读过这个网站，现在发现这里很多厉害的人，值得学习。想听听大家的意见，剩下这一周多的时间我该怎么复习呢？谢谢大家。

我只会用简单句，看你们都写这么复杂的句子煞是羡慕。不求高分够用就行
If you could go back to some time and place in the past, when and where would you go? The answer to this question differs from individual to individual. As for me, I would decide to go back to Unite State during 1809 to 1865, because I could experience the civil war. Further, maybe I had a chance to meet my idol, Abraham Lincoln.

There are many reasons why I admire Lincoln most, I will explain some important ones. The main reason is that Lincoln led the civil war in order to emancipate the slaves. Before the Civil War, the laws in the south of the America permitted the white farm owner to have the black people, but totally violated the human rights of black people, were unjust laws and must be resisted, therefore, Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States, led the Union during the civil War to destroy the unjust laws in the south of the America and liberated. It is very important moment for black people to improve human right. Lincoln not only emancipated slaves, but pushed the democracy to reach new level.

The other reason is that Lincoln was diligent. Although he almost did not attend the school in his childhood, he still achieved great success. All the achievements are due to his spirits of diligence and persistence. It is very hard to think that a person who did not receive the education would become president of Unite State. He set a good example to indicate that persistence and hard work will make prefect. His spirits often encourage me when I meet the difficulties.

In addition, The further reason why I admired Lincoln most is that he was the honest person. When he worked in the shop, a customer paid more some cents. Lincoln chased the customer for several miles in order to refund these cents to the customer. I can safely bet that almost no one can run several miles for some cents as Lincoln did.   

To sum up, Lincoln was person who had so many good qualities. I just explain three qualities of Lincoln. For these reasons, that is why I regard Lincoln as person I admire most.

把最后一段自己改下这句“if I have a chance to go back to a place that must be my hometown”改成“I have gladly go back again if the chance were offered me." 谢谢

回复 15# 的帖子

版版这么认真的改偶的文章，真的是受宠若惊，以后一定更好努力写，已经把版版的话一字不差的DOWN下来了，回去好好研究

Sincerely appreciate your quick  and kind-hearted reply! :loveliness: :kiss:

我的作文很垃圾，大家帮忙改一下啊，谢谢啦

Movies invovles spanning arcoss the time and place is not rare in this modern world. A glance at these fatansy films would provokes our imagination and deisre to go back to some time and place in the past. If I can could travel back whatever time and wherever place, I would like to come back to Vienna when Sigmund Freud was doing his studying for the depth psychology for the following reasons.

First of all, the academic spirit of Sigmund Freud really attracts me a lot. Sigmund Freud, who was a Jew, was one of the depth psychologic launchers. The braveness and brightness of him to bring forward this kind of theory in that particular time was admired by many people who have read his books. I was curious about how he could put all his energy on his study and how he could endure so much pressure from people around, especially one of his best teacher who was a professor of high prestige. Maybe the answers to these questions are able to help me study better and give me a lot of drive to study some knowledge that are not so useful in others' eyes.

In the second place,  a lot of vital inspiration may be obtained from Sigmund Freud because he was one of the most famous psychologcists. Sometimes, we would have some difficulty in our study and research. Sometimes, we may have some troubles with our friends and parents. If I could get some help from him, maybe we can find the right problems and solve them successfully. It is widely accepted that another people who is intelligent can illumine some new ideas which are very imporatnt for us. Hence, a tour back to that time and place would benefit me a lot.

Finally, Vienna, as an ancient hometown for music and a beautiful metropolis, activize me much imagination and curiousty. Does this musical environment has an impact on a person's psysical and mental development? Does this atmosphere has any influence on Sigmund Freud? Does this situation creat this immortal giant? These quesion have been on my mind for a long time. If I could come back to that time, maybe I could find the answers I want.

In a word, traveling back to Vienna and at that special period can provide me a good chance to know something about Sigmund Freud and can offer me an opportunity to accquire some information about my study. I am fully convinced that this would be an exciting trip.