查看完整版本: 有点伤心加灰心

有点伤心加灰心

真的好久不写作文了，所以虽然是9月考，但心里仍然很忐忑，早早开始练习，今天看了看从3.19开始到现在写了九篇了，可是自己觉得没什么长进，觉得就这么傻写能写出什么结果么？写作应该是有点方法可循的吧，但至今还没摸到门，听了XDF的课，自己也练了一些，弄出个所谓模板，但真正的水平提不上去，半个小时还是连三百个字都写不到，心里真的很急，不知道从哪下手，贴一篇文章吧，大家看看偶的水平（汗，那个低啊），帮忙提提意见吧:'(

You have decided to give several hours of your time each month to improve the community where you live. What is one thing you will do to improve your community? Why? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.


The day before yesterday when I met one of my friends Jack, he complained that although cleaners sweep rubbishes all day long, there is still an amount of trash in our community because of people's unawareness of protecting our neighborhood. As a consequence, if there is an opportunity for me to do a favor to our community, I will make an effort to stimulate/provoke/awaken the public's notion of maintaining cleanness of our common living environment.

Since families with pets are in a growing number nowadays in our community, the secretary products of these animals can be seen and even trampled almost everywhere, streets, rails and etc. Nevertheless, pet owners, in most cases, seem not to consider of the inconvenience of these wastes to the life and the hazard of them to the health of other inhabitants, so they do not pick the stools up. As a volunteer, I will give some suggestions to these pet owners about keeping our living condition clean besides taking care of their lovely pets. In addition, by building several specific wooden kennels outside for the pets to relieve themselves, I wish pets’ stools not be seen in public spaces in our neighborhood.

What is more, I will make some warning boards along the way and write logos such as 'No plastic bags' to warn the people in our community to realize the significance of preserving a wonderful living condition. As we know, people that throw out rubbishes are usually not because they do not have no idea of the truth of cherishing the environment but they forget it from time to time Therefore, such hinders are able to inspire their awareness of keeping the neighborhood clean.

Another measure to arouse inhabitants’ realization of preserving an uncontaminated atmosphere for me is to give some lectures about how to keep a favorable environment in our community. As my major is with relation to environmental protection, perhaps I could teach my neighbors some easy to handle and effective methods to recycle material such as gathering batteries together to process or making some DIY artifacts by employing waste cans and in these way people is capable of reutilizing their so-called rubbishes.

In short, judging from the approaches presented and some other means that not mentioned, though these behaviors will not take me much time each month, I believe that they may bring some benefits to the improvement of environment in our community more or less.

这篇文章不为求拍，只希望大家能为我练习作文提点意见，谢谢啦！

这类题目我个人没练过，因为觉得出口语的可能性比较大……

LZ的开头给我的感觉是太过仓促，很随意很散漫，虽然你提到了the public's notion of maintaining cleanness ，但是后面有一些内容实际上已经涉及到了protect the environment,这样看来，如果在一开始就点出是保护环境的意识也许可以更加准确

回复 1# 的帖子

看了一下你的这篇文章，总体感觉很有老外写blog的style,语言轻松诙谐，不紧不慢还有很好的词汇和句子驾驭能力。
如果是散文 or blog competition your composition may get a high score hehe..
But you are preparing Toefl wrting, right? Toefl indepent writing firstly tests your ability to organize your idea logically and soundly.
You can look at your essay again you will find the major problem is that you scarly , if any, use the thesis sentense in each paragraph.

Never lose heart. your writing will be improved a lot after you stick to practicing and hardworking. :)

我很喜欢你的写作风格~~不随大流~~有自己的轻快的感觉~~
但是你忽略了最关键的部分~~
题目只让你说一点需要改进的部分~~重点是让你阐述这样做的原因~~
而你说了不止一点~~kind of跑题~~~以后多多注意哦~~~

还有那么长时间 为啥想死？
这么多月 你要是不能练到满分 就是不够努力 呵呵 加油吧！！！

写的不错阿。
略微跑题，题目问的是why,而不是how.

某些句子稍微精炼一下会更好.
As we know, people that throw out rubbishes are usually not because they do not have no idea of the truth of cherishing the environment but they forget it from time to time
没读懂。。

though these behaviors will not take me much time each month, I believe that they may bring some benefits to the improvement of environment in our community more or less.

See, protecting the environment cost you nothing but the returns are awesome!

莫怕
小马会陪伴你

谢谢大家对我的鼓励，我准备好了，在小马安家，努力练习

可是我怎么写才能避免散文的模式呢，不知道议论文怎么写，好久不练了555
有没有什么约定俗成的格式呢

回复 8# 的帖子

先去看看大家是怎么写的
在看看OG的例文 我下面的链接有你想要的东西