查看完整版本: 3月26日发放作文题2

3月26日发放作文题2

第二期作文题如下：
目标：练习185中支持反对型题目，这类题约占了185题总数的34%，可谓考的频率相当高。
作文在下面直接跟帖~:)

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[size=5]Topic[/size][size=4]:   Should a city to preserve its old, historic buildings or destroy them and replace them with modern buildings? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.[/size]

再练习一篇,还是一小时....无语...
With the increasingly rapid pace of development and swiftly growth of the population , numbers of problems have draw our attention and focus . Here goes a heated debate on the issue of whether to destroy the old buildings for the construction of building modern skyscrapers which has aroused a wide public concern. A multitude of people are living under the illusion that we should vanish those out-dated buildings to feed the present days’ growing appetite for working and living spaces . Nevertheless from my personal angle alone , I am fully convinced that not only can we destroy them , but also preserve them .

First and foremost , the old buildings invariable represent a piece of a country’s history , even reflect the place’s culture and customs . It is undeniable to say that most of them have profound meanings and unforgotten back grounds. In another words , some of them serve as a mirror of the past . Children nowadays can only get their knowledge in books , touching the history and culture only with their imaginations . While the best way is to show them around at the certain places where the historical events took place their such as the old summer palace. So that the students can get a more deep impression and understanding . In conclusion the old building indeed play a significant role in our lives.

The above is only a part of the picture , besides these old buildings also attracted by the visitors from all over the world. A myriad of foreigners are forever constantly coming to other countries to visit to broaden their horizon and fulfill their dreams of learning more cultures in the rest parts of world. As a result the tourism in one’s country will be greatly bloomed which help to make a fancinating contribution to the society’s economy . According to a recent survey done by the economists , up to about 60% income for a country’s budget is from tourism and services fields. And nearly 150 thousand foreigners are attracted to China ,a country which is well combined with the ancient culture and modern society. Suppose that if we down all the interesting places , do the visitors still come ?

Even though there is a great demanding of space and places as for people’s daily lives, we still should not do such a unwise job that to vanish the old buildings . Nothing important can compared with such old treasures left by our ancestors .As for me, I regard these buildings as not only worthy by its own wealth in quality , but the endless meaningful culture and history carried by them as well. In conclusion , it is high time for us to took some efficient measurement to find our solution to problems such as lacking space , at the same time preserve and maintain the legacies in a responsible way.

辛苦大家了~~:lol

With the fast development of country, building, as the most important part of city, are being greatly developed. That also brings about conflict between old history building and modern building. After every aspect taken into consideration, I believe that to preserve old history building would be better choice.

First and foremost, an old history building, been standing there for a long time, even hundreds years, it spreads the atmosphere of literature, the history of city, the traditional life of people. Just take myself as an example, every the moment when I got to a city which I had never been there before, the place that will be my first choice to visit is the old history building which as the symbol of literature, history and people living there. Hardly can I imagine what a city will be if they have not got any old history that can show their history to guests!

Further more, an old history building with countless age would also provide us an entertainment place, especially for old people. Tian-Xin park, towing in the city where I lived for many years. It's a defend wall to protect from attackers long ago, which still stand firmly as a park, and even become a popular park. So, after a day's hard work, a number of people are prefer to have a releax in the park than stay at home. They are playing ball, talking, walking, or just sitting on the big stone. The older usually talk to their children about their early ages with this park, this city. Without this old history building, all of above are no longer existed!

Admittedly, old history building also have their disadvantages. For instance, it take the space for new modern buildings, its design style are not coherent with the buildings around them, and even after many years, its construction may not endurable enough. However, preserve old history building have more merits than replace them, so, I therefore reinforce my standpoint to protect it.

With the rapid development of economy and industry, land becomes a short resource in the urban districts, especially the big cities which are the economic centre of the country. To solve this problem, many people advise that we should destroy the historical buildings and build modern buildings like skyscrapers instead to provide space, to make better use of the land. However, I don't agree with that view. My points are as follows.

To begin with, human being is a species which is cultured. We have knowledge, we have history, we have culture. That's where we are different with other animal species, that's why we call ourselves human being. Economic development is and should not be the only thing we pursue. Historical buildings, as significant symbols of our civilization, should not be destroyed. On the contrary, we should spare no effort to protecting them, as a reminder which stand for our ever-existed prosperity, depression, glory or guilt.

Furthermore, it is unnecessary to destroy the building to spare space. What we need to do is just some repair work. Thus, space we get and historical meaning we preserve. Take a look at one of the biggest cities in the world - Paris. Look how French kill two birds with one stone. They preserved the old urban district and decided to build the government in the suburban area which is now the new centre of the city. The old buildings are being made full use of as stores or bars, attracting millions of travelers each year.

In conclusion, we can get more when not having these buildings destroyed, why should we do it?

从开始准备托福以来第二次成文，看大家写了，就跟着写了，近四十分钟，270词左右，是不是太少了，作文还要好好练
这是基本没有什么积累的结果，我发誓，不会再写的这么烂，我会进步的！

[[i] 本帖最后由 telly.bbs 于 2008-3-27 21:02 编辑 [/i]]

[size=4][color=deepskyblue]2楼：[/color][/size]
[size=4][color=deepskyblue]hustle:[/color][/size]
作文总体看来逻辑清晰，因为使用了结构严谨的模板。
同时有很多语言方面的亮点，在使用词汇和句子方面也看出下了很大功夫。
好句子如：
Para1.
Here goes a heated debate on the issue of whether to destroy the old buildings for the
construction of building modern skyscrapers which has aroused a wide public concern.
the old buildings invariable represent a piece of a country’s history , even reflect the place’s culture and customs .
建议写summer palace in beingjing.指出城市这样具体些老外也就不用猜了。。。

第二个supporting para:
A myriad of foreigners are forever constantly coming to other countries to visit to broaden their horizon and fulfill their dreams of learning more cultures in the rest parts of world. As a result the tourism in one’s country will be greatly bloomed which help to make a fancinating contribution to the society’s economy . According to a recent survey done by the economists , up to about 60% income for a country’s budget is from tourism and services fields.
建议把myriad放在后面和China并列作例子。先分析再举例，是老外的思维。

最后一段亮点句子：
Nothing important can compared with such old treasures left by our ancestors.
结尾很有启示意义:
In conclusion , it is high time for us to took some efficient measurement to find our solution to problems such as lacking space , at the same time preserve and maintain the legacies in a responsible way. :D

麻烦能指出其中语法和句子运用不当或者有误的地方吗?因为鄙人语法实在不敢恭维,没有专门训练,难免会有些问题...希望能够指正避免再犯

第二篇，谢谢！

:)
In modern society, due to the increasing of popularity that the demand of space and house are becoming more concerned, then some people maintain the invaluable historic buildings should be replaced with modern buildings. Why some deem that to destory these historic buildings as the optimum choice that somehow superior to preserve them is really beyone me. For a nation, nothing can be compared, in my point, with the importance of historic buildings.

First and foremost, children directly know our history. When I were young, I recognized numrous historic buildings of beijing from books. For example, forbidden city. It always described with “grave”, or “glorious” that I couldn’t image and totally understand until I saw it. If these old, historic buildings are demolished, children will realize our history from books or other TV series. They will never know how smart our ancestor were and how marvelous historic buildings were.

Besides, historic buildings plays a significant role in the development of economy. The historic buildings are never failed to appeal to tourists. To take the summer palace in beijing as an example. According to a recent survey, about one million persons in a year toured the summer palace, which greatly improved the development of ecnomy. Obviously, most people who come to the summer palace just want to feel and touch the building that the emperor had ever lived. If the building is destoried, the economy will be of influence.

Last but not least, the old, historic building let more foreigners know our country. Our country is a nation that has a long history. The buildings our ancestors constructed not only just constructions, but also represent a sort of cultures. To preserve these buildings that can let more people recognize our country and further love our country. Nor is a country without its moment of history.

But the problem we should still focus on. It’s the very time that we took measures to solve these problems.

[[i] 本帖最后由 yoyo 于 2008-3-28 23:37 编辑 [/i]]

老师，经济发展，除了development of economy, 还有别的说法吗？我好像就会这一个~还有“了解”，除了know, understand, acknowledge这些之外还有什么？谢谢高手解答:)

回复 10# 的帖子

development of  可以换成 along with the evloution of ;  as well as the promotion of
konw 的表达还有很多比如realize ,find out, acquant, approach, find a way of ..... 觉得楼主是觉得总用know不太好, 确实children directly know our history ; historic building let more foreigners know our country 是文中的两个句子, 是属于比较大众得句子没什么新意, 楼主想在know做文章, 可是句子的结构没变, 还是一个简单句啊!  我建议楼主用一些好的句型代替. 比如这两句可以这么说. It is widely(/commonly/generally) acknowledged(thought /recognized) that old and historic buildings can show our country's history to children directly.  
It was the famous and historic buliding that gave foreigners a approach, which could show our country's history and culture fully ./which they can know our country fully.
词都不难,可是却用较为复杂得句式, 要让rater觉得你的表达能力很强,很high-level不是简单得停留在简单句, 即使用了know这样比较low-leve的l大众得词汇也不会让人觉得你得表达水平很低.
说说文章
第一段:认为这句话不妥 Why some(书面语最好不要省略) deem that to destory(改为destoring) these historic buildings as(改为is前面动词ing部分作主语) the optimum choice that somehow superior to preserve them is really beyone(beyond?)me后句应该是说明choice的,可是我没太看懂, 主要是beyone me... 楼主应该在句子结构上多下点工夫,感觉很句子组织的很混乱.
第二段For example, forbidden city.省的太多了. 书面写作不能省这么多 可以说it provides(offers/proves/shows)a good(typical/concrete) example of(case in point/instance of).....
此为我觉得其实举的例子不是forbidden city而是你的personal experience. 所以我觉得这段应该这样改
First and foremost. It is widely acknowledged that old and historic buildings can show our country's history to children directly. Take my personal experience for exampel. I vividly remember when I was ten(detail 比说自己young/ a kid/child 好), my father take me to visit the Forbidden city which I read in the book. I always dreamed that I could really watch and touch it, not just see that on the picture. Fortunately, my dream came ture! You never know how glorious and stately it is, until you really, directly view the whole building.  If these kinds of old, historic buildings, like the Forbidden City, are demolished, children could only see that in books or other TV series. They will never see how smart our ancestor were and how marvelous historic buildings were. How pathetic!
写的仓促, 可能有些错误, 但是大概按照作者思路写的, 不见的用了多难的单词, 可是却说的很有逻辑很清晰, 而且句式很丰富, 戴云说过一篇文章25字以上的句子至少要有3个! 希望我的抛砖引玉,能给您的写作带来些帮助

[[i] 本帖最后由 qifeihu 于 2008-3-29 05:38 编辑 [/i]]

回复 4# 的帖子

呵呵 字数真的太少了, 300都不到, 戴云的黄金法则说过the more the better
字数太少了, 是无法把观点论证充分的, 而能否论证充分, 是评分的重要部分, OG已明确提出了, 建议4楼看看OG的267页, 如何看可以参考我的签名.
4楼如果觉得只从一个方面来说,实在无话可说, 可以从面来说, 尝试写一下中立的观点, 比如
on the other hand....在写1段, 写应该拆除旧建筑的原因, 还是有很多的, 比如阻碍交通(可以举北京的例子, 很多老房子阻碍了公路的发展), 影响市容......这就是戴云的2+1原则, 这样这段再写100字左右, 文章就快400了, 应该差不多了.
此外, telly.bbs应该在论述的时候多一些detail and example 比如第二段可以举几个例子啊 比如9#和3#的第二段中的例子, telly应该看一看,学习一下. 你的文章第二段首先topic sentence 没有很好的切题, 你的choice是不拆historical building, 那么什么原因呢! 应该是 Historical buildings, as significant symbols of our civilization and culture. 而不是human being is a species which is cultured. 逻辑上的问题, 感觉文章句子之间没什么逻辑,一点想到哪写到哪, 这样是不行的, 逻辑是文章的基础, 然后才是词汇的使用.  
文章的第三段同样的问题, 虽然给了例子, 但是缺少必要的detail only developed your idea partly. 建议楼主看一下OG P265 score 2 essay  和 rater's comment会对楼主有帮助.
此外看一看我给9#写的一个小例子楼主借鉴一下,希望会给你多谢灵感, 下次多写一些,

[[i] 本帖最后由 qifeihu 于 2008-3-29 06:06 编辑 [/i]]

回复 3# 的帖子

第二段 every the moment 改为 every moment
              最后一句连用了两个history显得重复 后一个用it 代替
第3段不错, 觉得一点不妥, 这段应该突出很多老地方是如何的好玩有娱乐性, 可是They are playing ball, talking, walking, or just sitting on the big stone.却看不出来有多entertain.
表达的过于简单talking walking.... sitting on the big stone 是不是都有点boring. 多给点detail . talk什么, 可以是news 可以是老人们以前共同的经历, walking也可以扩充, 比如带个鸟笼子什么的, 比如可以锻炼身体总之详细一些, 可以把描述tian-xin park的部分简略一点
, 关键是人们怎么在利用这里entertain.

谢谢小艾！:)
可是那个why some 的句子是昨天看到一篇范文里用到然后依葫芦画瓢用的，不知道是不是我用的不对。就是坛子里的， royi的解析NCE3第41课 完美满分作文样板（z），麻烦小艾看看，是不是我用错地方了？:L 谢谢！

[quote]原帖由 [i]qifeihu[/i] 于 2008-3-29 06:27 发表 [url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=127930&ptid=10750][img]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]

多谢了 又再看了看~~果真如此
第三段对 公园的叙述过多  得改改！

再请问下 全文的结构逻辑方面还有什么需要改进的吗？
多谢！

[quote]原帖由 [i]qifeihu[/i] 于 2008-3-29 06:27 发表 [url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=127930&ptid=10750][img]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
多谢小艾了
再看了看果然如此！
得改改
第三段 特别是

再请问下 全文的逻辑结构方面还有什么需要改进的吗？
非常感谢！

回复 3# 的帖子

注意一些表达：
a historical city历史名城 a historical spot古迹
First and foremost, an old history building, been standing there for a long time, even hundreds years, it spreads the atmosphere of literature, the history of city, the traditional life of people. 这句话有几个动词了其实你的意思在首句可直接表达为：
an old historical building, which has been standing for a long time, symoblizes the history of local place.
下面再具体展开。
最后一段的理由适当说明一下disadvantages,理由给的很好：
For instance, it take the space for new modern buildings, its design style are not coherent with the buildings around them, and even after many years, its construction may not endurable enough.  
需要指出是preserving是名词而非 preserve

回复 17#的帖子

多谢老师的批改呵~~~
感觉豁然开朗:lol
最后一段我再扩展扩展
就是对最后一段该写多细多长没底呵

请问
对全文的总体改进还有什么地方需要改进的吗？

[quote]原帖由 [i]qifeihu[/i] 于 2008-3-29 06:04 发表 [url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=127928&ptid=10750][img]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
呵呵 字数真的太少了, 300都不到, 戴云的黄金法则说过the more the better
字数太少了, 是无法把观点论证充分的, 而能否论证充分, 是评分的重要部分, OG已明确提出了, 建议4楼看看OG的267页, 如何看可以参考我的签 ... [/quote]
谢谢详细的解答！我再仔细看看

回复 1# 的帖子

Some people maintain that a city should replace the historic buildings with modern skyscrapers, while others hold an opinion that old buildings should be well protected. As far as I am concerned, the latter point coincides with me. It’s undeniable that every coin has two sides. However, after serious consideration, I am fully confirmed that if we preserve those historic buildings, the advantages will be far overweighs the disadvantages.

On the one hand, history never comes the second time. Those old buildings maybe are not practical any more, but it can tell people what happened hundreds of years ago. If all these symbolic buildings all disappear one day, we might probably forget so many historic events which relate to our country today. It is indisputable that history should never be forgotten, and buildings are the best history books.

On the other hand, those historic buildings can be a symbol of the city where they are located. I can not imagine Paris without  , Beijing without The Forbidden City and Great Wall. Undoubtedly, most of these world famous cities have a long history, coupled with their ages, the buildings are the only reminders. Some people argued that we can have many lands for modern mansions if these old buildings are demolished, but have they ever considered the situation that one day all the buildings are hi-tech but we can never find a feeling called belonging?

In addition, historic buildings are the basis of the increasingly developing tourist. Most tourists travel to Egypt for the pyramids. If the pyramids no longer exist, it is obvious that seldom people would have the passion to visit the country. As a result , Egypt will suffer from a tremendous loss of money.

With all the reasons I mentioned above, I insist that these old buildings should not be destroyed. On the contrast, they should be carefully protected. Only when we pay enough attention to those buildings can our city be more and more charming.