liruoran 2008-4-5 01:36
.
ps: 大家 说说 能的几分么?(我不怕打击 ...)
heqiongsophie 2008-4-5 01:48
回复 17# 的帖子
我看4分左右,
当然有些地方改进之后。
你用的一些词和例子还是蛮有新意的capture rater's eye.
但是结构上不是很清晰,其中internet就是一个很重要的supporting detail而不是说I also have to mention that 。。使其重要性一下降下来。
one of the most remarkable change in technology in recent years is ,,,,可以这样写。
heqiongsophie 2008-4-5 01:52
继续,另外conclusion 最好另起一段,使结构清晰明白。
还有一些语法错误:如ancient是形容词,可说ancient time
sb challenged by....缺少了动词,应当说sb is challenged.
总的说来,文章如果注意以上几点,应该可以得到那个分数甚至更高也有可能。
liruoran 2008-4-5 22:56
谢谢!! 大家
谢谢 大家 .. 我 也在 互改 ing
想入飞飞 2008-4-11 21:59
我的作文:
Recently, there is a hot issue about whether technology creates new problems for human being or solves them and makes our life better. An increasing number of people believe that technology will exert great positive effects on human history, this opinion is now being questioned by more and more earth residents, who complain that the technology have brought many serious problems like environment pollution, technical crime and others. Personal speaking, I stand on the side of the first opinion, that is technology do great help for our society development.
One of the significant aspects is technology obviously improving our living standard in varying degree. Turn back for thousands of year, just imagine that what kind of life when human without electricity, car, cell phone etc. which is undoubtedly can’t compare with modern life in twenty century. It is technology that brings about such enormous changes to us.
In addition, technology greatly save our product cost, reduce the consummation of human power and increase efficiency. According to a recent survey, the producing amount of our farm food in china in the recent years is two times than the world total sum in 1800. The majorities of people who live in modern technology society can worry less than before about hunger and disease. No technology, we can’t realize this gorgeous dream.
However, there is no denying the fact that the development of technology might have contributed to some of these contemporary problems while it devotes us untold benefits. Especially our environment pollution is becoming degenerating, for example, green house problem harass us for a long time. Reduced forest and extinct animal are always remind us should pay more attention to environment problem. Any government, which is blind to this point, may pay a heavy price.
In conclusion, technology is the first power in society development, which is essential in our daily life. It is indisputable that all of us strongly need it to make our life better. However, proper measures must be taken to limit the harmful effects of technology.
薄荷V 2008-4-11 23:26
请猛烈地批判我吧!!!
It’s difficult to judge whether technology is good for students nowadays. Everything has its merits and demerits. Incontrovertibly, the new technology can make our life easier and students can learn more information with the help of it, but it also brings many problems for us.
Since the creation of World Wide Web in 1989, the Internet has become the most influential invention in the recent history. I’m sure all the students are familiar with computer an Internet. We can find any information we want to know with the help of search engine. There are many kinds of information on Internet. A number of pages contain irrelevant and false information. You should spend extra time on finding the valuable information. It’s a time consuming task. And some pages relate to even violent or erotic things. If your self-discipline is awful, you will sink. Furthermore, the growing number of Internet addiction among teenagers is a serious problem. The pressures of exam and various discomfitures in life cause many students lose self-confidence. To seek the success in fictitious world, they spend much money and time on it. Some students who are hopelessly addicted to Internet cannot continue their course. The Internet consumes their limited life. In 2006, the press reported that a girl, only 17, committed suicide because her parents prohibited her from surfing on Internet. In a nut shell, if we cannot apply technology rationally, it will have tremendous negative effects on teenagers.
Most important, students excessively rely on technology without thinking and exploration will miss much fun of seeking the truth and knowledge. For instance, most of students will use calculator to figure out equation. It’s an easy way to solve the problem. However, you will lose a chance to experience a brain-storm and exercise your logical thinking.
All in all, the negative effect of technology for students is an inescapable problem. It is good for us if we use technology rationally. In this way, we can learn more information; however, prevent us from relying on it.
薄荷V 2008-4-11 23:27
我写的这个不太对题,不过属于这类的
heqiongsophie 2008-4-12 08:51
回复 26# 的帖子
先指出语法错误:
earth residents 什么意思?地球人吗?residents就可以了。
who complain that the technology have brought many serious problems like environment pollution, 这里technology是单数名词,谓语用has..
Personal speaking应该为personally speaking
heqiongsophie 2008-4-12 09:00
回复 26# 的帖子
结构上的问题“
两个supporting para 的段落中心句都有问题:
(1)One of the significant aspects is technology obviously improving our living standard in varying degree. 这句做这段中心句太general,你明白吧。去掉in varing degree.
(2)In addition, technology greatly save our product cost, reduce the consummation of human power and increase efficiency.
应该为:.......greatly reduce the cost of daily products and consummation of human power, increasing the efficiency.
heqiongsophie 2008-4-12 09:07
回复 28# 的帖子
generally speaking ,文章写的还可以,语法和结构上没什么大问题,
但是your position in this essay 出了问题,第一段应鲜明亮出自己的观点,我是看完全文后才知道的。
源来如此 2008-4-13 23:01
Nowadays technology plays a more and more important role in the world. It attributes to the influences, which the new technology brings in almost every part of the people’s lives and the technology dose promote the people’s living standards.
First and foremost, technology makes people live better. For instance, a student who went abroad could not usually call home due to the high expenses of the cost of the call. Nevertheless, the situation has changed now. Due to the Internet technology people abroad can communicate with their families on-line anytime he wants to make their family know that they are safe and sound. Besides, the Internet technology also benefits people who work long distances away from their work places. All things that they need to do are turning on the computers, do their work on computers and send their work that is finished to their work places from homes. To sum up, technology gives people opportunities to do what they want or need in a better way and it leads to more satisfactions of people.
Moreover, technology also resolves many problems. For example, Mary, a friend of mine, is not able to cook well by herself. As a consequence, she could only eat in the restaurants where the food is much more exorbitant than that cooked at home so that most of Mary’s salary was spent in food and she could not buy other things she needed. Yet nowadays because of the technology of easier-prepared food, she can just buy this kind of food in the supermarkets at a lower price and simply cook it at home so that her problem had been worked out. The new technology makes Mary save lots of money and purchase more other things. Besides, as people know, technology can also resolve many other problems in other fields such as medicine, education and so forth. In brief the technology becomes an efficient tool to make problems worked out.
In contrast, some people counter that technology has negative impacts on people’s lives. Obviously we should admit that some technology resolves the problems but at the same time it also creates new problems too. For example, looking at the computer for a long time would do harm to people’s eyes and usually using copy machine can be bad to skin.
However, would the drawbacks of technology cover all of the advantages of technology? Obviously the answer is no. Because it is believed that the drawbacks can be removed by the technology in future.
To come to a conclusion, the technology brings people both opportunities to live better and challenges to overcome the negative impacts which technology has brought. In spite of that, opportunities far outweigh challenges.
第一次认真写,用了好久的时间,在用词方面很幼稚,不向别人那么高级,都是很简单的词,这个问题我一直不知道怎么解决,给我一点意见吧,谢谢了。其他一定还有很多问题,请狠拍,辛苦了:) 。
melissa_lee 2008-4-16 18:00
第一次写作文,脑袋里也没有模板,不知道该写些什么。。。很快考试了,因为不会写一直不好意思发到上面来,希望老师可以给我些建议。我会很快把其他几篇也写出来的。谢谢
Who doesn't believe that" It is the technology makes our life real fun and easy"? Obviously, we need the technology. A bigger question is that the impact on people's lives brings by technology. A great number of people are become more concerned about the bad influence on our lives. To be frank, I believe that the advantages of the technology are more . I will demostrate my point as follow.
Did you ever stop and think that you can not finish a easily plan without the technology? You get up in the moring and go to the bathroom, but ,there is no warm-water to have a wash; Then you go into the kitchen, but, there is no fresh food to eat; and may be you have to leave for your job, but, there is no car, unlucky there's a large distant from your home to the company. This is the way the technology influences our basic lives.
Let's assume that we have no mobilephone to use, we have no TV to watch,and also no computer. That means we lost all the informations and entertainments. It's seems that the modern technology tools have changed people's lives enormously. Take simple examples, we use the mobilephone to call others; we watch the TV to spend our spare time and it can help us relax and relive the pressure from the work or study; we use the computer internet to look and apply for jobs, shop, conduct reasearch, and we also use the email to communicate with friends and business associates around the world. There's no doubt on technology makes our lives convenient and efficient.
However, there are some bad influences by technology, such as,watching Tv for a long time children would have a bad eye-sights , and many people ignore the importance of physical. But,everything has two sides, we should realize both, and take measurement to deal with the bad side.
To sum it up,I believe technology makes more positive to our lives.
heqiongsophie 2008-4-17 08:18
回复 32# 的帖子
不好意思这晚回复。
看了之后,最大的问题不是词汇问题,事实上你用的有些词汇还是有亮点的,
但是你的thesis sentences显得broad and general
一个是改善生活,一个是解决问题。哪方面改善?解决哪方面?可以详细具体一些。
heqiongsophie 2008-4-17 08:34
回复 33# 的帖子
个人认为第一句可去掉:
Who doesn't believe that" It is the technology makes our life real fun and easy"?
问题是body supporting paragraphs的段落主题句不突出,
如这段:
Let's assume that we have no mobilephone to use, we have no TV to watch,and also no computer. That means we lost all the informations and entertainments. It's seems that the modern technology tools have changed people's lives enormously. Take simple examples, we use the mobilephone to call others; we watch the TV to spend our spare time and it can help us relax and relive the pressure from the work or study; we use the computer internet to look and apply for jobs, shop, conduct reasearch, and we also use the email to communicate with friends and business associates around the world. There's no doubt on technology makes our lives convenient and efficient.
中可以把主题句提前放在段首,后面跟例子:
It's seems that the modern technology tools have changed people's lives enormously....
结尾段一句话结束略显单薄。
melissa_lee 2008-4-17 18:47
谢谢,我会在完成其他的
薄荷V 2008-4-18 19:55
很感谢!辛苦了
lucifernn 2008-4-30 00:19
怎么都没人继续发上来了啊?? 继续啊 前几个都写的不错啊
iyf003 2008-5-5 17:20
The above topic asks a question that whether technology makes life better or damage the quality of life. Apparently, different people hold different views due to their respective angles. Modern people are enjoying the convienence and benefit that are brought by technology, in my point of view, I am agree that technology help solve problems and makes life better. I would like to reason and provide evidence to favoring on the following considerations.
In the first place, the essential reason that can be presented to support my position is that technology has increase the production of food and makes most of people in the world away from starvation. A good example can be found in the case that: in the 60 and 70’s, there was no enough food supply in China, the starvation event often occurred in many provinces like Hubei, Sichuan, Helan etc. My parents usually recall the hungry life in their childhoods. However, in the 80’s the famous agriculture scientist Yuan Longpin invented a high production of rice, this rice has been applied to the field for 2 years, people has kept away from starvation.
In addition, there is another reason worth a great deal of concern to develop my opinion is that technology makes life easier and better. People can use all kinds of house hold electric machine to free themselves. People have more ways to enjoy life after work, for example: having a movie, watching TV, surfing on the Internet and so on. Especially, the Internet has made communication among people more frequently, we can chat with our family and friend, even a stranger wherever they are on the Internet instead a long waiting of letter and the expenses of a telephone.
However, a coin has two sides, technology may threaten and damage the quality of life. For instance, people can travel by air but we can’t promise that the plain never crash. When we go to the Internet to enjoy music or watch news, we can’t promise the virus attacks our computer and make it collapse. Yes, technology has its defects but we can’t deny that it bring the enormous benefits to human. In a word, I will draw a convincing and comprehensive conclusion: the advantages of technology are much more than the disadvantages it brings.
30分钟只写了247个words, 50分钟写完才写了381个words,怎么办啊?而且作文质量也不高,这个短时间无法解决,可时间问题怎么解决啊,没几天就要考了。
superkang 2008-5-16 21:07
好!不过表达有些不太地道!
lxlxlx2000 2008-5-16 21:48
第一次写咧,严重超时了那
10多天就开考了。托福作文需要写结尾吗?语言不地道的问题好难解决啊。感谢辛勤帮助
It has been a fairly heated discussed topic that whether the technology solves problems and makes life better more or creates new problems that may threaten or damage the quality of life more. Among the different opinions above, I may agree with the latter one, since I myself regard technology as an active impulse in our people’s daily life.
Obviously, the Medias tend to make technology as one of the standards of the development of human beings’ lives. Take a country as an example, it will encourage its related department to open the door of the scientific world so that the possibility of the born of new technology can be promoted. In developing country, a revolution in agricultural technology has enlarged food’s produce so greatly that thousands of people have got rid of the poverty ever since. At the same time, new invention of industrial materials has enhanced our housing conditions, too. The most significant influence that new technology brought us could be it changes people’s conceptions about their lives. Due to the invention of radios, televisions and even the world wide web, dwellers who stay in a remote little village get a chance to know and finally contact the outside world, without going outside of their home personally or spending too much expenses either. With all of the proofs stated above, it is quite persuasive to believe that the majority of us have been benefited by new technology.
Although the positive role which technology has being played can not be neglected, opponents still argue or doubt what technology really means to human beings. They claim, once and once again, that during the huge development and innovation of technology, countless nations or regions, most of which are under developed, suffer from the environmental problems caused by which directly or indirectly. According to some news released, it seems that behind every successful factory, there must be a natural area has been destroyed. People only forget, however, technology itself has never done any harm to us, contrarily, it is right the humans who over-use natural resources but not technology which should not be responsible for our own fault. Furthermore, people complain that technology does not improve our life quality but do some damages to some extend. It can be admitted that there is a trend that more and more employees have depended on the computers or the internet so much that they can not continue their work once problems occur with the electricity or internet. Ironically, the technology which is created by us decreases our capability. Still, those who hold a doubting attitude towards technology may ignore the following powerful statistics. After the invention of computers as an instance, people’s productivity has soared so many times as the time before. Owing to the technology, human’s road of development become longer and longer ever since.
小罗