查看完整版本: 第一篇习作 大家多多指教！

第一篇习作 大家多多指教！

大家好，我也是最近才开始使用写作版
感觉很好~~


Generalist or specialist?
“Knowledge is power”. People keep studying in school, work, and in their lives. Some people, called specialist, focus all their attention on one or two subjects whereas other people, named generalists, invest their energy on a wider things majors, but also enjoy studying various subjects outside their major.
From where I stand, I consider students should be specialists. First of all, what we learn today is what we will live on tomorrow. We spending years in college and we should put most of our efforts on our majors, at least while we’re in school. Hardly can I imagine having a good life after graduation I don’t spend my energy on studying my major. Conducted a survey in 2007,by C.O.O(Campus Occupation Organization) pointed out that nearly seven in ten who are been interviewed which  specialized in some subjects are doing better than generalized in many subjects.
Further more, to be a socialist is more likely to do something outstanding in research or work. It’s just like heating water. A specialist only has to heat a small quality of water instead of a big bottle. It will not take long to boil, Let’s take the famous scientist Yuan-longping as an example, He created the method of growing rice which solved the problem of hunger all over the world. Would he have made this essential discovery if he had not focused a great deal of his energy on the rice? I think not .He would not have done it if he was a generalist. Last but not least , society needs the fuel that is added by specialists, such as Yuan-longping.
Admittedly, there also some advantages of generalists. They have got wider interests and they are knowledgeable about a array of subjects,  so they may do a better job of solving complex issues that involve many aspects ,  like administer of a company, college and so on. However, specialists have more merits such as readily to a better life ,more likely to be excellent. I therefore reinforce my standpoint to choose become a specialist.

invest their energy on a wider things majors          出现了俩名词
Hardly can I imagine having a good life after graduation I don’t spend my energy on studying my major
让步状语从句少了if
We spending years in college and we should put most of our efforts on our majors        如果是spending的话前面的半个句子就没有谓语了
Conducted a survey in 2007,by C.O.O(Campus Occupation Organization) pointed out that nearly seven in ten who are been interviewed which  specialized in some subjects are doing better than generalized in many subjects.
主语及其混乱，如果是conducted当被动语态用，应该是a survey conducted，如果conducted当动词过去式，后面的pointed out 的主语又明显是再说survey，正确的应该是a survey conducted by C.O.O in 2007 pointed out that……

总体印象，字数不够，第一个观点还可以扩展一下

Where~u've changed your idea?
It's good to appreciate your comment on this composition.:)

whereas other people, named generalists, invest their energy on a wider things majors, but also enjoy studying various subjects outside their major.! T

---This sen has 2 problems:
1 wider things majors?!  u can change it  this way-----wide range of subjects/fields.
2 u haven't mentioned not(only), how can u use : but  also"?!

From where I stand, I consider students should be specialists. First of all, what we learn today is what we will live on tomorrow.

This, I think, can't stand as the 1st supporting detail.

The last para should be better to be subdivided.

It's very interesting that u provide two not-so-typical examples in the main body of your essay.
Look at them again.:)

where这么晚了还在奋斗呵~:lol
那些错误我会努力改进的
我也是觉得第一个观点还要展开些
可还是只写到这个程度。。。。
非常感谢 我会继续努力的！

[[i] 本帖最后由 wuhao5217195 于 2008-3-23 09:06 编辑 [/i]]

[quote]原帖由 [i]heqiongsophie[/i] 于 2008-3-23 09:01 发表 [url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=124277&ptid=10560][img]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
From where I stand, I consider students should be specialists. First of all, what we learn today is what we will live on tomorrow.

This, I think, can't stand as the 1st supporting detail. [/quote]

多谢提出宝贵意见
这个地方确实还需要改改
放第2段也不怎么好样的。。。

[quote]原帖由 [i]heqiongsophie[/i] 于 2008-3-23 09:03 发表 [url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=124278&ptid=10560][img]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
The last para should be better to be subdivided. [/quote]

请问那段让步段是还应该细分1段
还是要多些细节支持？

[quote]原帖由 [i]heqiongsophie[/i] 于 2008-3-23 08:54 发表 [url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=124274&ptid=10560][img]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
Where~u've changed your idea?
It's good to appreciate your comment on this composition.:) [/quote]
你没看他发了多少帖子么？
I didn't change my idea

gre 作文中有这个题目,建议看一看会有帮助的.

ok, I scan it over: it doesn't matter that the conclusion para can be subdivided or not.

[quote]原帖由 [i]whereiswc[/i] 于 2008-3-23 11:19 发表 [url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=124338&ptid=10560][img]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]

你没看他发了多少帖子么？
I didn't change my idea [/quote]

呵呵 和大家互相学习了
多谢指教！

[quote]原帖由 [i]kevinzbc[/i] 于 2008-3-23 16:02 发表 [url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=124437&ptid=10560][img]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
gre 作文中有这个题目,建议看一看会有帮助的. [/quote]

好的 我找来看看~~~~~:lol

[quote]原帖由 [i]heqiongsophie[/i] 于 2008-3-23 16:14 发表 [url=http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=124440&ptid=10560][img]http://www.xiaomaguohe.net/bbs/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
ok, I scan it over: it doesn't matter that the conclusion para can be subdivided or not. [/quote]

呵  多谢了
又费你时间再看一遍哈
我会继续改进的~~