查看完整版本: 请大家帮忙改改习作，谢谢了

请大家帮忙改改习作，谢谢了

[color=blue]The independent writing of 08.03.15:
It is more important to use land for human need than to save land for endangered animals.[/color]

For most of the time, we are always on the arduous journey in seeking for the key of the
dilemma: whether to leave the land for the endanger animals, or to develop it for human
needs.From my personal angle alone, the former point coincides with mine.                  
                              
For sure, we must take into account the fact that human beings never fail to exploit the
unknown and to conquer the desolation. The exploitation and conquest contribute directly to
the process of the society. That is the principal reason why more and more land are needed
to meet the desire for housing and industry.

However, it is hard to believe the disadvantage of a growing need for more land: the
pollution of the air, the instability of the climate, especially the steep decrease of the
endanger animals,for they will have no home to live in. We can’t believe the irreparable
danger of their extinction. After all, everything in the world exists together in a
delicate balance. For instance,if humans chop down the forest and use the land to grow the
corn, they may destrory the habitates of the bird that eats locusts. The next year locusts
might destory the entire crop in respect that the locust population can grow unchecked. To
the end, not only do the birds lose their homes,but humans are harmed as well. So, is it
dispensable to leave the land for the animals? I don’t think so.

Moreover, the natural land never fail to fascinate our human beings. Have you ever been to
the Kennya safari park? Have you ever hear the arguments of the frogs around a pond at
night? Have you ever smell the aroma of the wind cleaned by a midday rain? If you have
never had such experiences,you would never know how much fun the natural land could bring
you.

Therefore,there might be a growing need for more land,but we should never destory the
scarce charming land which is the foundation for our future,our children's children. I
remember a speech called HOW CAN YOU SELL OR BUY THE SKY? It is addressed by a Indian chief
named Seattle. There is a thought-provoking end of the speech: "Where is the eagle? Gone.
Where is the thicket?Gone. Where is the land? Gone. The end of living is the beginning of
survial."

It is better for us to be aware that we must use the exploited land sensibly and
effectively.Only in this way,can we achieve our historical task to inherit this precious
gift from our ancestors and pass it on to next generation successfully.The land is of the
people,by the people and for the people.

This essay deserves our applause and study.
It is well organized and developed with the guide of invisible templete as coherent transitions.
Also, the examples of para2 and 3 are excellent ones addressing the thesis sentenses and there is a propriate quotation at the end of this essay:
The land is of people , by people and for the people.

To sum up, I don't find any major problem in your essay right now.:D