查看完整版本: 3.15 作文的习作，渴望大家的指教

3.15 作文的习作，渴望大家的指教

[font=Calibri][size=3]The period from 19s century to 20s century led to a huge advance in personal empowerment. This in turn set off an explosion in human demand for land. People always confront the dilemma of choosing whether more land should be used to satisfy the demand of human or protect the endangered animals. This problem is a prevalent topic undergoing serious debate in that it affects everybody in his or her daily work. Personally, I think more land should to protect the endangered animals. The reasons are as follows.[/size][/font]
[font=Calibri][size=3]Firstly, the main reason for my propensity for protect the endangered animals is that more species of animals can help us balance our global environment. Any kind of animal in the world is played an important role in our environment. If one kinds of animal is distinguished, a serious of related animals will be endangered. This could break the biosphere. In short, protecting the endangered animals is protecting our environment.[/size][/font]
[font=Calibri][size=3]Secondly, protect the endangered animals could make people’s life more colorful. For example many endangered animal is very cute good to our human such as panda and crane. Living with this animals in the earth make me feel happy. Can you imagine that what our life would be like if there is only human on this planet with no animals?
In conclusion, only with animals in the world can our human live happily.[/size][/font]
[font=Calibri][size=3]In addition, too much land used to satisfy the demand of human will led to a sever consequence. For instance, my home town build a lot of building on the land where used to be many trees. This reduces the amount of trees, and the atmosphere in our city is getting worse. So more land used to satisfy human demand will turn out harm us.[/size][/font]
[font=Calibri][size=3]It is undeniable that more land satisfies human demand has its own merits. The most extreme manifestation of the merits is the fact that it will solve the increasing demand of living place of human. Even though, however, we have no complete evidence to suggest that more land to satisfy the demand of human is better than to protect the endangered animals.[/size][/font]
[font=Calibri][size=3]From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that more land should be used to protect the endangered animals. Only when we protect the endangered animals can we led to wonderful life.[/size][/font]

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回复 2# 的帖子

谢谢楼上，我是第一帖
改作文去了:lol

In conclusion, only with animals in the world can our human live happily.
不应自成一段,应该放到上一段的最后作段落总结比较好.  conclusion 段后面跟了个 in addition 让人觉得逻辑混乱

回复 4# 的帖子

恩， 没想到这一点，谢谢啦

有些拼写错误   介词也有些小问题  to protect什么的
Any kind of animal in the world is played an important role in our environment. If one kinds of animal is distinguished, a serious of related animals will be endangered
我觉得 any 不妥   最后endangered 我觉得 detrimental effect 好些呵

in conclusion 如二楼说是的确不怎么好
可能加点例证更有力些
我也是第一次改
不知道对不  LZ斟酌哈~~

回复 6# 的帖子

感谢6楼批改, 学习别人的文章也是进步,写作最忌讳闭门造车. 大家一定要互动起来,,讨论出真知,众人拾柴火焰高.我和几个斑竹毕竟水平有限,时间有限,精力有限.
小马过河正在设计勋章奖励学术活跃的小马,6楼有希望加油.....

[[i] 本帖最后由 qifeihu 于 2008-3-21 01:47 编辑 [/i]]

呵呵呵
我会继续努力的哈~~:lol

回复 6# 的帖子

恩恩，明白了，谢谢你的细心指点

恩 大家互动起来很好。
我看了lz 语言功底还是可以的，有些词汇用的也很好。
建议下次发贴时把作文题也发上来。