查看完整版本: 小弟写作贫困户，敬请猛拍，在此拜谢各位了（big city VS. small town）

小弟写作贫困户，敬请猛拍，在此拜谢各位了（big city VS. small town）

Nowadays, some people are arguing about living in big cities or small towns. Normally peaceful small town life is widely chosen for a lot of advantages, though some weakness of small town life style is undeniable when compared with colorful big city life. The comfortable traffic, quiet environment and slow pace of life attract more and more families settle in the small town.

Comfortable traffic is one of most attraction as small towns. Typically, the small towns lie in the small areas with small population, which formed suitable transport system. Every working day people drive their auto mobiles on the empty roads, without any traffic jams. How enjoyable of driving it is. On the other hand, less number of auto mobiles decreases the ratio of traffic accident. Some of alarming data displayed that the biggest cause of non-normal death came from traffic accident per year. How to reduce the possibility of traffic accidents is a big question for society, therefore, living in small town is the intelligent choice.

In addition, small town provides nice environment. If persons truly cannot tolerate the polluted atmosphere in the big city migrate to small town is a correct choice. Without gigantic factories, without polluted air, small town always provides settlers blue sky, clean river and quiet surrounding. So an amazing view displays in everyone’s mind. During the weekend, the whole families walk on the green ground with the breezing wind passing by the face, joking, laughing, and full of happiness. How to go back to nature for modern people? Migrating to Small town must be the answer.

Furthermore, the peaceful slowly life pace cannot be give by big cities except small town. Normally people living in the small town don not need hurried on mass of work or worry about unemployment because ardent competition opportunity in employment rarely happened in small town. Especially this kind of life pace is suit for old people. In this social environment, people live together and establish friendly relationship among neighbors and workmates.  Small communities promote people's relationship and make life more enjoyment.

Certainly, the superior of living in big city is obviously seen. Such as more job opportunities, more challenges in the life, more performances, but the out weight merits cannot be  denied when considering the advantages of living in small town. Wide road, Blue sky and convenient life pace attract most people all the time.

我觉得把第一段的more and more改成 increasingly 或a growing number of 比较好
第二段第二行transport 改为transportation更好
倒数第二段可以参考以下这句话
Since the high ratio of empoyment and crimes in the city , people often find the anonymity,breakneck pace andthe constant fear too much to bear.

关于结尾
楼主结尾运用对比,来突出town 是很好的想法,会使的文章更具逻辑性但是but显然还处于low-level 也不能更好的表达楼主agree to live in the town给读者摹拟两可的感觉
suggestion: 给楼主个high-level 的比较句型it is true that.../to be true../ admittedly..../, but it is unlikely.../it doesn't follow.../ this is not to say..../it won't be the case.../ +that.......... 望楼主日后多积累high-level 的句型可以看看论坛里其它人的文章,慢慢就成牛人了

,望楼主仔细看看OG Page260 最后一段 关于句子复杂度的问题

在此拜谢楼上二位了，路过的别走开，多多指教啊～

回复 3# 的帖子

it is true that.../to be true../ admittedly..../, but it is unlikely.../it doesn't follow.../ this is not to say..../it won't be the case.../ +that..........
这个是不是表示让步
就是：即使........但是.........
的意思？